too busy for me. is it over?

[sweetharmony]

next week is mine and my bf's 6 month anniversary. things were great at the beginning. i care for him deeply, but we've been drifiting apart.

 

Yes, i'm getting help and have been working through this, being patient, trying all i can to be positive (seeing counselor and naturopath), spirituality, trying to get my act together.

 

he talked about marraige. he told me at the beginning, he's ready, he already owns a home, an apartment (where i'm living-he's never there) career on the way (prosperous) and now he's looking to settle down and wanted to find the one.

 

all he talks about is how he's broke and stressed and too busy all the time b/c of the business that he's building and his other creative pursuits- i'm aptient and understanding. we don't have to have $ to have fun. we can do many free things, rent a movie, ice skating, etc... but he makes a very high salary and is in debt that much.

 

he broke plans again this past sunday to work. we've only gotten together maybe twice in the past month (and for an evening) b/c of work. we haven't even had a weekend together since new years. this weekend, we're supposed to spend friday, saturday together (but at my request). we're supposed to go out tomorrow, but he basically hasn't planned anything-he hinted not to expect much as he's broke. it's not the $ i care about, but him being a creative person, i suggested we cook dinner together or go ice skating, something romantic that doesn't cost much. he told me to think about what i want to do... he was always coming up with ideas at the beginning.

 

his actions are speaking louder than words. I am not a priority and don't feel like i'll ever be one. we argued again this morning. the relationship is making me ill. i really don't even want to see him tomorrow. i feel hurt and i think i'll just ruin the night anyhow. i'm still angry and resentful that he broke plans yet again on sunday.

 

any thoughts?

[annie24]

he makes $200k a year and is in debt $200K a year!?!?! I read some statistic that if your debt is 1/3rd of your income, you effectively will never get out of debt. At least not without some really drastic measures. for his debt to equal his income, I would say that he has far bigger problems than relationships. it sounds like he has a lot of stuff to fix before he can think about getting married.

[sweetharmony]

well, he's in debt b/c of his business. he also prucahsed three properties that he thought he might be able to make money and sell, and he can't sell them. he bought the apt closer to NY so he doesn't have to drive so far, but doesn't even stay there ever. not even when he goes to NY. i'm living there and paying him rent every month-it's convenient for me...but i'm moving out within the month. what do i do?

 

just end it? when?

[sweetharmony]

this is truly hearbreaking for me. i imagined our life together. he made it seem (when we got together) that he was ready...has a 4 bedroom house all set up for a family.. 3 business interests.

 

he says he didn't realize how much in debt he was in... spent so much on business interests.

[fridagrrl]

wow!!! i really feel for you

perhaps you should REALLY sit down and talk....do you think he'll open up about what's bothering him?!?!

perhaps do something special for him that shows that YOU care....give him a massage, cook for him, etc...

maybe he feels like it's everything/one is demanding from him?!?!

 

It might be a last resort/option to see how he reacts to this.... and if not then maybe you need to really evaluate your pro's and con's.