I feel like I'm losing my best/only friend

[Brooke657]

I've been good friends with my best friend since grade 7. When we started going to high school in grade 9 there was a group of 4 of us. My one friend got really popular and started hanging out with other people. Another friend ditched for other people too. Then there was just me and my best friend left. She has a boyfriend now who she's been dating for almost 8 months. I was friends with him before she even met him. They met through me 2 summers ago. We used to do alot of things together, me and my friend. We went to movies all the time and rented even more. I'm not really a party person but I watch alot of movies. Now, she hangs out with him more than anyone else. When I'm with both of them, though she never says it, I feel like she doesn't want me there. Even when it's just me and her we don't have anything to talk about. I haven't really made any other friends at this school, it's hard to because everyones groups are already so established. I really feel like I'm losing her and I don't want to. I also know if I just dropped her she would start hanging out with one of our old friends who is more fun now, and is suddenly like a rival. I don't know what to do anymore. We don't really ever talk seriosly and I don't really want to. Whenever I say she's spending to much time with him or making me the third wheel she get's mad and makes me feel guilty. Let me know what you think.

[jengh]

Often times, people change and friends grow apart. I KNOW how painful this is. I was best friends (really more like sisters) with a girl from kindergarten all the way up until the beginning of 9th grade. We did everything together. But, come 9th grade, her mother decided Daryl needed to branch out and make new friends and she forbade her to spend time with me out of school. It was the most hurtful thing I had ever experienced. But you know what? I got over it. I moved on. I made new friends who I had more in common with. As the years went by, Daryl and I changed drastically. By the time 9th grade came, we couldn't have been more different. We just didn't realize it.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is branch out. Meet some new people. It may be time to let her go. Friendships flourish and sometimes they die. It's all just a cycle (gee, I should be taking my own advice on this one, eh?).

 

High school is supposed to be the greatest 4 years of your life. You can choose to embrace that and make new friends or you can mope and chase after your friend and her boyfriend. It is 100% up to you.

 

I took those 4 years for granted. I gave up on friends and had a serious boyfriend all four years. I wouldn't change it for the world, but you know, sometimes, I really really wish I would've just experienced highschool the way a normal teenager should.

[flower99]

That sucks. It really does, I feel for you, because i've been there to.

But honestly, telling your friend she hang out with someone TOO much. Does seems out of line. If your friendship is on the edge, don't push it over. This is someone she cares deeply for, it's exciting for her try to be more understanding & intrested in it, one day you'll be in her shoes.

A friendship is delicate at times, especailly as you grow & get into the dating world. It's sometimes hard to find that balance. She has found a bf and is involved in that right now. There isn't much you can do, besides be happy for her & understand. I don't think your losing her, things are just changing now.

I think it's time for you to branch out & developing other friendships. get to know other people, It is hard, but it's worth it. Meet as many people as possible...don't just spend all your time with one person. School is far more fun that way.

Change is a part of life....Make this change work for you, experience new things & get to know other people. Get involved in activities at school, it give you an excuse to get to know others & to do something worth while.

wish you happiness.

[Brooke657]

It's not like I'm against them being together at all. He was actually a good friend of mine before they started dating but after that kinda changed. I don't like just tell her she's hanging out with him too much but it's gotten to the point where I can't hang out with her without him anymore there's no balance at all. For the first few months I figured yeah they're really into eachother right now but eventually she'll figure out how to balance her friends and her boyfriend. She hasn't at all, it's just gotten worse. I have the option right now of transfering schools. My mom works at the school I go to right now so if I wanted she could have me at a differnt school by Monday. I don't know if I should because I don't want my relationship with her to end but at the same time I don't feel like it's going anywhere and I haven't been able to really connect with anyone at my school outside of like my classes. I used to be like kind of the over achiever I guess lol. I did all the sports and never got less than a 95 on anything and I was kind of a serious person. Since I became closer to her when we lost our other friends I kind of took on her really insane kind of humor and dropped everything. So now people at my school see me as this crazy girl with a really dumb sense of humor. That's kind of why I'm considering the change, a fresh start. And also if I did transfer it's like how do I tell her you know?

[Brooke657]

It should be the best 4 years but like it's half over for me already and so far I've hated it. I want it to be better and I'm thinking maybe it would be at a differnt school. I just don't know because it's like part of me wants to stick with this friendship until I know I've done every possible thing I can do to save it and she kind of says it's done but on the other hand I don't wanna wait around for her drop me.

[jengh]

It should be the best 4 years but like it's half over for me already and so far I've hated it. I want it to be better and I'm thinking maybe it would be at a differnt school. I just don't know because it's like part of me wants to stick with this friendship until I know I've done every possible thing I can do to save it and she kind of says it's done but on the other hand I don't wanna wait around for her drop me.

 

You know, I wanted to transfer schools, too. My mother wouldn't let me. I can't tell you if this would or wouldn't be a wise decision. If you're having a tough time in the school you're attending, then maybe change would do you good. Being in a new environment could do wonders. You could start over, people wouldn't have a clue about your past (whether or not you have any skeletons in your closet, I have no idea), they would get to know you for who you are NOW as opposed to who you were 2 years ago. Are you involved in any sports, clubs or organizations? If you're not the athletic type, are you interested in language at all? Most schools have foreign language clubs and even take trips overseas (Mine did and WOW! The experience of a lifetime AND I grew closer to some of my classmates). Then there's drama club and theatre and key club. I have no idea how big your school is, but mine was TINY and had all of those things and more. Look into it. Talk to your parents about a possible transfer if you're serious about it.

[Brooke657]

My parents have been trying to convince me to transfer for a while now. My current school has 2000 kids. The other two main schools in our city have 700 and 200. I know people from my previous school at both. Thing is if I transfer I know that my relationship with my current "best friend" is going to be done and I don't know if I should be staying here and seeing what happens or just dropping it and moving on.

[jengh]

WOW, that is a HUGE school. I think switching to a smaller school would be a lot more personal and you could get to know people on a deeper level. Trying to make friends at a school with 2000 students is hard. Where do you start!?

 

I think you should take your parents advice and give it a shot.

 

Despite your protests, your so-called best friend still won't make time for you. I think that it may be time to go your separate ways. Who knows, maybe she'll miss you terribly and want to rekindle the friendship once she realizes what she's lost.

[Brooke657]

Maddie heyyy you need to come over tonight. Anyways it sounds like it's time to move on from this chick. Even thought she's supposedly your best friend you can't stay focused on one person forever it's not good. You should try switching schools you'd have a chance to start over, make new friends.

[elizabethj]

it sounds like moving on to a new school may be your best option. i've been in your situation and i eventually realized that nothing was ever going to change, so i switched schools (for my last year of middle school- eek!) and, while it was hard, it was one of the better decisions ive made.