Insecure?

[VeganBohemian]

My boyfriend has never had a real girlfriend prior to me and he treats me extremely well. But, sometimes even though he tends to act very independent, I think deep down he is very insecure and fears losing me. Now, I admit I am like that and he knows that. He KNOWS that. However, I think that even I am a little more realistic than he his. For instance, I posted recently about how he was upset about his grades and he was crying, but I didn't mention that during that he kept saying that he "feels guilty" when he can't see me because of his homework and he said that he "will do whatever it takes to keep me". Something with what he said really sat wrong with me, but I haven't mentioned it. I told him that he doesn't have to "do" anything to keep me and that if he has work, he has work. Who cares?? He also has this thing about ALWAYS paying for me and buying me things and making sure I am "taken care of". I find many of these behaviors belittling...as though he doesn't think I am a human being capable of taking care of myself. He always avoids conflict at any cost and always thinks that he has to act a certain way to keep me. He always tries to keep up this facade that everything always has to be "fun" or that he always needs to be cordial. Like...can't we get past the dating phase and into real life?? He tries hard never to complain around me, but sometimes (of course, as we have seen before) that when it leaks out, it leaks out hard. But, he feels like he never ever wants to burden me. Gradually, I think he is trusting me, but it is so hard getting it out of him.

 

Mind you, we are very very close. I don't understand why he would feel this way knowing that I am dependent on him as well. One reason would be that he doesn't have any close friends and has been slighted and rejected by his family members (as I have posted about so many times). He told me once that he constantly feels unwanted, not chosen, or alone.

 

This makes me very sad because in reality I think he is the most amazing person in the world and I would never leave him. I tell him this and he says of course he knows that...but then what explains those behaviors???

[Blackhawk2009]

i think he just fears losing you..you said he doesnt have any close friends and has been rejected by family members..so he fears losing the only one he has..

 

im sort of insecure and i kind of understand why he acts like that..he probably trusts you but because hes insecure he fears he can lose you to another guy, and is trying his best to make you want to stay with him

[HyruleGuardian]

The guy you just described sounds a lot like me. Sometimes I feel worried I might lose my girlfriend to another guy, so I tend to avoid conflict and spoil her. But I know I need to stop this and show my emotional side more. I tend to keep that inside.

 

He cares for you and probably loves you so much. He just might not know how to express it.

[Goblin]

Hyrule (your name pronounciation is same as mine), you sound just like me man and thus that make me sound like ur bf Vegan

 

It is without doubt i am 100% sure this guy loves you. Hes just hardworking making the effort to 'take care' of you. I too like him, fear of losing my gf sometimes. But it gets better oevr time. I can really relate to him..I used to think she might spend time w other guys or do things behind my back but its just my paranoia i guess. Truth is, shes the one who wants to see me lots too.

 

When you tell him its okay not to see you often and focus on his work, he'll end up more upset(doesnt make sense but its true) because he feels like hes not making an effort to spend time w you and do his things. What you can do is probably hang ard near him while he studies but dont distract him. Studying w him would be good too but that might affect his concentration. So while hes studying, tell him what ure up to.

 

He is, a special guy,putting others like u first. But he doesnt feel special. This take alot of time for complete trust and comfort.

 

If both of you are determined to work this out(which im sure u both are), help each other focus on whats important to both of you like studies, friends etc. It can be hard but worth the effort. We tend to focus too much on relationships sometimes and that will bring in unnecessary worries.

 

Thanks for sharing Vegan...maybe my gf sounds like you too..hmm

 

Good luck!