a taste of his own medicine!

[barbielovesmac]

How bad is it to give your boyfriend a taste of his own medicine? How effective do you think it really is? Because it seems for me that I can tell him over and over again of things that he may be doing in the relationship that I don't like, and he'll certainly act as though he understands and then the next day he'll do it again. But it seems like when I do it back, he gets it and he doesn't do it again because he gets how it feels. Eg; he doesn't call ALL day, even when he is doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. No, I don't need him to call me 24/7 365, but I am a girl with feelings and I'd just like for him to call me when he isn't busy. Even if it's just for 2 minutes just to check in and let me know whats going on. He can't do something so simple for me, so why not do it to him? I know it drives him insane when im not calling him, or when he cannot get ahold of me. So my point, what does everyone think of "ya get what ya give."? I appreciate it! Hope everyone has a great day!!!

[annie24]

instead of trying to "give him a taste of his own medicine," why not just move on and break up? I mean, if you have talked to him and he isn't making an effort to meet you halfway, and you are unhappy, maybe this just isn't the right relationship for you. if you want a boyfriend who calls you (Not an unreasonable request!) then break up with this guy and find another.

[barbielovesmac]

I don't want to break it off with him. This is the only aspect in our relationship that is poor. I know he has so much potential; i know "we" have more potential.

[annie24]

yeah, i know what you are saying, but here's the thing.... you can't date someone for their potential, what they can be in the future. You have to look at how he is treating you and making you feel NOW. if he isn't being attentive and is being a poor boyfriend, i doubt that you sitting around and waiting for him to change will work. If anything, walking away may be the wake up call that you're not going to sit around and wait for him. If you stay with him and put up with crappy behavior, why would he change? He knows you're not going anywhere.

[Day_Walker]

I dont believe in attempting to change peoples behavior, of course they can make this choice on their own but I take the person for who they are. If he doesnt do this then why are you expecting him to be anything else than what he is. Just because you do not like it doesnt mean it has to change or that it has to turn into your way of doing things.

[Hope75]

How often does he call you?

[shes2smart]

yeah, i know what you are saying, but here's the thing.... you can't date someone for their potential, what they can be in the future. You have to look at how he is treating you and making you feel NOW. if he isn't being attentive and is being a poor boyfriend, i doubt that you sitting around and waiting for him to change will work. If anything, walking away may be the wake up call that you're not going to sit around and wait for him. If you stay with him and put up with crappy behavior, why would he change? He knows you're not going anywhere.

 

That thing annie said about potential...it's absolutely true. If you cannot accept him where is now, as he is now you're setting yourself up for an exercise in nothing but frustration. We cannot make/force/cajole/demand another person change. The only thing we can ever change is ourselves.

 

As for giving him a taste of his own medicine. Well...the only time I've done that all it did was fail miserably and I did something that I personally found distasteful. Long story short, ex was chatting - suggestively - online with other women and insisting it wasn't wrong. So I went online and did the same with other men. Didn't change a single thing he was doing (or his outlook on it) and that one time I did do it got thrown back in my face if I dared to complain from that point forward.

[jengh]

yeah, i know what you are saying, but here's the thing.... you can't date someone for their potential, what they can be in the future. You have to look at how he is treating you and making you feel NOW. if he isn't being attentive and is being a poor boyfriend, i doubt that you sitting around and waiting for him to change will work. If anything, walking away may be the wake up call that you're not going to sit around and wait for him. If you stay with him and put up with crappy behavior, why would he change? He knows you're not going anywhere.

 

annie, i can't tell you how much that just made sense to me right now... It was like having an epiphony. wow. you are 200% right....

[annie24]

lol, thanks. you have NO IDEA how long it took me to realize that! I was in love with men forever for what they could offer me in the future, not for how they were treating me NOW.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

lol, thanks. you have NO IDEA how long it took me to realize that! I was in love with men forever for what they could offer me in the future, not for how they were treating me NOW.

.

AMEN sister!

 

I agree with Annie 100,000,000,000%

 

You also can't hold onto a relationship for what it "was" in the beginning.

[barbielovesmac]

How often does he call you?

 

he'll call once in the morning before he goes to work. and once at night - if im lucky.

[barbielovesmac]

yeah, i know what you are saying, but here's the thing.... you can't date someone for their potential, what they can be in the future. You have to look at how he is treating you and making you feel NOW. if he isn't being attentive and is being a poor boyfriend, i doubt that you sitting around and waiting for him to change will work. If anything, walking away may be the wake up call that you're not going to sit around and wait for him. If you stay with him and put up with crappy behavior, why would he change? He knows you're not going anywhere.

 

I totally agree with you now that you put it this way. I don't feel like Im trying to change him though, that's the last thing I want to do. But I DO want him to understand my feelings and see where I am coming from.

[Batya33]

Well, a very short while ago you posted that this man was your dream man, your everything - that you were totally in love - and you took issue with my asking you to explain what specific things he did to give to you and what you did to give to him - apparently you had a different definition of love (I had said that loving was giving - actions - not just a "feeling").

 

So, are you now saying that your cloud nine feelings for him are not enough to keep you happy and satisfied in this relationship? You now want him to change his behavior and show that he cares by calling you more often and talking to you more often? That is why I asked you that question and my guess is, rather than getting to know him - how he behaves, how he treats you, his way of being a giving, caring person, you fell in love with your larger than life image of him.

 

Now that you have come down to earth, what I would do is this. If he doesn't call you enough, tell him so. If that doesn't motivate him to call you more you can decide that this is a sign that he isn't a giving enough person to you or you can back off and keep your emotional and physical distance - and see if your doing so makes him realize what life would be like without you in it.

[Hope75]

he'll call once in the morning before he goes to work. and once at night - if im lucky.

 

That seems to me like it's pretty frequent.... but it is your standards that he has to live up to.

 

I guess my next question would be, how many times a day do you expect him to call? And should he be calling more than twice a day if he has nothing new to report or to say?

[barbielovesmac]

That seems to me like it's pretty frequent.... but it is your standards that he has to live up to.

 

I guess my next question would be, how many times a day do you expect him to call? And should he be calling more than twice a day if he has nothing new to report or to say?

 

I'd like to hear from him any time he has a chance. For example when he's not doing anything. WE're in a long distance relationship right now, so the phone is pretty much all we've got you see.

[Hope75]

Long distance, aye?

 

Does he communicate with you in other ways, like email, letter, that sort of stuff?

 

How far apart are you, and how often do you get to see one another?

[Rabican]

I dont think its a bad idea to dish out his own medicine once in a while... although if the relationship is really meant to work you should already be on a similar page when it comes to what is acceptable to each of you.

[isabellacantinos]

its not so easy just to dump a guy cuase he doesnt call enough.

I dont see how a girl whos seriously in love would just be like "yeah youre right, I'll dump him even though I love him soo much"

 

I know what its like for a guy who you really are connected with to have a few flaws.

 

I think every relationship can pick at each other at times, just because youre not clones of each other and so youre gonna have little disagreements. thats okay. but it might make it harder if you try to exact some semi-revenge on him

 

it might start a bit of a cycle, which sucks because it could sour the relationship

 

but I wouldnt advise dumping him over phone calls, alot of guys have thier quirks, and no guy is perfect, if he is he had alot of experience with this kinda stuff