I'm probably overreacting right?

[finalcloud13]

Well, my ex girlfriend dumped me 3 months ago because there were these several weeks that I was a bad boy and called her very little because I was out having fun with friends. Of course, I heavily regretted it and have been a good boy since she dumped me. She got another boyfriend as soon as she dumped me. Anyway, I started NC a couple of weeks ago without telling her because I wanted to get over this pain. After a week of no contact, she messaged me and expressed how she didn't like that we don't talk anymore. She was angry, I could tell by her responses because they were just one word responses and she didn't say anything unless I asked her something first. Then I confessed why I didn't talk to her that week and she understood and I officially started NC, this time with her knowing. This was exactly a week ago. I told her not to message me except for emergencies. Well, yesterday she changed her MSN personal message to "Who do you wish your Valentine was?" Of course, I have no way of knowing who she was talking to. So anyway, today I got this message from her while I was taking a shower and I'm probably just overreacting but I need it to be confirmed by others too:

 

Her: emergency...

Her: sry for botherin u...

Her: but i think i need ur help...

Her: i just went to the kitchen and cut myself

Her: can u stop me b4 i do anythin stupid?

Her: can u tell me some jokes?

Her: remember the one about my mom bein so fat?

Her: can u make me laugh? even if its just for a sec?

Her: nvmd guess u r busy ^^ sry for botherin u. ignor wut i said

Her: good nite

 

 

The underlined part was what got me the most. She also changed her personal message afterward to "I will learn to love myself! If I don't, who will?" I called her, even though it has been an hour since she left me that message. I just had to make sure she was okay. She was. She said she was fine and I told her to be careful and then hung up.

I just wish I can get back together with her.

[aymee_lee]

Tell her you want to get back together. It sounds like she still cares for you. What have you got to lose?

[shadow34]

So what is it you are wanting to actually know?

 

I dont think telling her you want to get back together is the answer you want??? Did you mean the fact she told you she cut herself and was implying she was trying to self harm herself / possibly even suggesting with " not doing anything stupid" that she wants to hurt herself...

 

I believe you should tred carefully here, and I would be questioning her saying these things...

 

Was she serious? was she trying to make you feel sorry for her? was it emotional blackmail?

 

I dont think you are overreacting at all, but you are under reacting to the real part that needs addressing.

 

I would talk to her, face to face, explain how you feel and tell her that your concerned with the message she left. Ask to see her cut in a gentle way and ask her why she felt she needed to leave you this message???

 

Sure NC is the way to go to heal your heart etc etc, but I dont think you can afford to take the risk with this one..I think you need to find out if she was serious in that message/ a cry for help or if it was emotional blackmail...but to let it go and have it be a legitimate issue then you would never forgive yourself, I know Ive been in that situation before.

 

You sound very caring my friend she is lucky to have you to message or talk with...

 

Its not until you find out the motive/ circumstances and intentions of her that you can re access the situation

 

 

[finalcloud13]

Yeah I treated her message 100% seriously. That's why I had to break NC to call her and ask if she was okay and all that. Just wanted to know if anyone here thought that the underlined part of the message seemed to say anything more than the literal question itself.

[shadow34]

Ok these are the things that mess with our heads, over -analysing things they say..

 

But anyway with that said, It is a strange thing to say, but I still feel it really is not a separate comment, its all tied in as one...

 

Can you tell me a joke, and can u makeme laugh even for a sec after it to me implies that you obviously used to make her laugh and feel happy so she was wanting to feel that again at that moment BUT it also implied she needed you to do that to stop her actions, this is clear when she wrote ", can u stop me before i do anything stupid"...

 

I still think you should discuss that text face to face, because you cant depend on someone else for your happiness, you must first be happy in yourself ( hence the reason some of us are messed up hehe )..and i also feel that if it is not serious, then it has been used as a manipulation tactic..even if her intentions were not malicious, its not the point...and the fact she left the " i will learn to love myself...." on her msn is also another indicator..

 

I know your head must be spinning my friend, but can you see wha I mean by it all being tied in together and not really a separate statement...

 

Trying to figure out what a person is thinking or feeling will drive you insane..trust me, Ive knocked at the door of insanity many times...

 

I really feel you should talk to her about the text message, explain that you were worried and that you want to know her state of mind at the time...

 

hugs my friend

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Grow some balls and tell her what you feel. NC does not mean to not communicate that was probaly what was wrong witht the relationship to begin with. Dont hold back what you feel. You can always sit and wonder if you like but I perfer knowing what someone feels about me even if it hurts.

[finalcloud13]

But I have already done all the begging + trying to convince her to get back with me when she first dumped me. And she rejected me all those times. She told me some time ago that she has no feelings left for me except guilt for dumping me, and also because I continued to be nice to her after she dumped me. I told her before that I'll always love her and when I told her I would NC I specifically told her not to call me unless it was an emergency or if she wanted to get back together.

[shadow34]

MY friend if she has been clear that she has no feelings for you at all, and it sounds like she has been, then the best advice I can offer would be to close this chapter in your life.

 

It hurts when we loose someone we love, but over time we realise that we would never of really been happy anyway, its this line of thinking that keeps us strong.

 

I think this is the point now where you have to let go and begin to heal.Ignore her messages, ignore her phone calls, as hard as it is she has told you there is nothing there. I know we sometimes feel they are not being honest, we believe that they really do care or love us but we have to go on what they are saying and what she is saying is that she doesnt want to be with you.

 

You cannot control how she feels but you can control how you feel my friend. Start to let go and grow as a person beyond the pain. It is going to be hard, but know that we are all here to give you the support you need and when you feel like calling or texting, jump on here and have a rant to us, thats what we are here for

 

Blessings

[finalcloud13]

Hi, so I broke NC and started to talk to my ex again. I initiated contact with her once to tell her that I'm okay now and over her (basically, I lied). I initiated contact with her for a few days, but stopped the day before yesterday. Yesterday we didn't talk the whole day and today she messaged me:

 

Her: Hi.

Me: Hey, what's up? =D

- Nothing much. You?

- Just doing some research for school. =)

- Ohh, I see. Sorry for bothering you. Go do your homework then, have fun ^^

- xD It's not really a bother.

- So how's your life?

- Good, good. And you?

- Fine.

- Anything out of the ordinary?

- Um, I don't think so. Been zoning out in class alot.

- x_x How come, thinking about your boyfriend in class too much, huh? lol

- Don't know, but I can't focus.

- =/ And you don't know why?

- I don't know, emotions been kinda up n' down these days.

- =( What's wrong?

- Nothing. We're still close friends, right?

- As long as you want to be ^^ That means yes lol, unless you don't want to x_x

- If your close friend needs your shoulder, you will be more than happy to lend yours out right?

- For sure. I'll ask you again, is anything wrong?

- Lol, I think you know my answer already.

- Talk to me.

- *Puts head on your shoulder*

- Aww, what's wrong?

- The original sentence... I'm fine.

- Weird. If you're fine, why is your head on my shoulder?

- Ok... I see how it is... -.-

- No, I don't mean it like that, I'm just wondering? Are you lying that you're fine?

- I'm fine. You're supposed to be doing your research... sorry... don't worry I'm fine.

- I am, and it's due 1 week later so I have lots of time. But, how come you asked me that question then??

- Don't procasinate.

- Omg, Engrish girl is using big words now >_> Anyways, nice to see your typos again ^^ It's *procrasTinate*

- T-T... Stop, you are gonna make me cry.

- Hahaha okay okay xD

- Don't you just miss my typos??

- Hahaha sure.

- So how's your love life?

- It's normal.

- What does normal mean?

- I guess it means liking people but not having a gf at the moment? Then I guess I should say it's a little bit more than normal. Just a little bit lol.

- Nice nice ^^

- =)

- Is she pretty?

- Of course!

- Does she have pretty eyes?

- Yeah, I think that's a big part of what makes girls pretty.

- Ohh, I see, I see. Does she have a pretty voice?

- Yep. Kinda soft, almost sounds shy, but she's not.

- I see I see. Sounds like someone everyone would like~

- Yah, I'm pretty sure that's true.

- I have to get off the computer for a while, my sister needs to use it.

- Ok. Bye bye.

- Catch you later~

 

Little did she know that the girl I was describing was her herself. I just made it sound like I was talking about someone else. Then 2 hours later...:

 

Her: Nighty night, sweet dreams ^^ good luck with your love life~ Go get her xD

Me: Ohh going to sleep now?

- Yup.

- Kinda early, but okay ^^ Good night~

- ^^

*Sets her status to away*

6 minutes later...

Her: Busy?

Me: ? Huh? Am I busy?

- Yup.

- What is it?

- Are you busy?

- No why?

- Wanna do something stupid with me?

- Lol what is it?

*Starts 7 card poker game from MSN games*

Her: This.

Me: Lmao...

- What?

- Nothing nothing lol.

- I said it was stupid -.-

- I guess I'll play with you a little.

- No if you're busy then just go do whatever you have to do. Don't mind me.

- Press Start.

- -.-

- You're dead.

- xP Okay...

- T-T

- Thought you were good?

- I guess not =/

- Ok... wanna play something else?

- I can win this time I think.

- Ok. *during midgame* You are good xP

- xD I didn't win yet~

- Congrats.

- Yay~ Thank you, thank you.

- Do you have to go now?

- I don't have to.

- But you should. Okay go do whatever you're supposed to do.

- Lol...

- Catch ya next time ^^

- Okay then, if you say so~

 

I get off the computer, come back an hour later, she's offline, but has changed her personal message from "fate" to "I... am speechless..."

I'm probably overreacting right?

[shadow34]

Ok before I get my head around that, cause I really dont understand the conversation that well...but firstly...

 

How old are you both ????

[finalcloud13]

Both seniors in high school.

[SuperDave71]

Finalcloud13,

 

 

I am going to tell you straight my friend. GROW UP! You playing games (lying to her and hanging out with your friends until she left you) is not the answer.

 

You are trying to just "get her back". On a more mature level, love has no bounds. From my understanding...you are using her as an object just to have instead of love. I know you are in high school. God bless ya man..but if you don;t start treating people (women) with the utmost respect and assuming they will love you no matter what, you will be in for a harsh reality.

 

People have feelings. What you have done is ASSUMED she will be there when you are out having fun and NOT THINKING OR CALLING HER. Now that she is gone, you don't like it.

 

There is an old expression that says:

 

"What's good for the goose is good for the gander"..

 

 

What it means is....whatever you can do..she can do...

 

 

The fact is...she didn;t like it...and you don't like it. You feelings for her are very shallow. I am NOT trying to be harsh here. I am a no nonsense kinda guy. Ya don't konw what you've got until it's gone...

 

She's gone....the day you try to get her back...and not appreciate her..is the day you write another post looking for advice yo ualready know the answer to.

 

It's one thing to love someone unconditionally but another thing to have a relationship according to hen YOU say you want one.

 

 

You are a perfect example of my "Toy box" theory. You pull her out to play with her when YOU want to...but when your done...you put her back regardless of HER feelings.

 

Let this sink in a bit and try BEING HONEST not only with her...BUT WITH YOURSELF.

 

 

Think about it...

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[finalcloud13]

So what should I do? I realize that I wronged her, and I can get it right if I had another chance. Do I just ignore that, because I already had a chance and messed it up? Thanks for the input.

[SuperDave71]

Final,

 

You must remember.... 2 wrongs don't make a right. Be man enough to let her know you neglected her....on purpose or not...you did. If you want to see or date other people..DO IT...if not...love her enough to let her get on with her life and NOT worry about you going out with friends or dating.

 

Regardless, just be honest with yourself. If you get back with her, and you do it again....she will NEVER forgive you. If you are a worm..be a worm....if you are a man...BE A MAN and learn from your mistakes.

 

Don't use her as a safety net. You go out with yoru friends..she a great looking girl and you want to pursue her...she doesn't give you the time of day and you RUN back to your ex.....Oh joy! You love and respect her sooo much that you make her PLAN "B" or "C" or "D" even. Nice. Put yourself in her shoes. How would it make you feel?

 

 

Thank about it...

 

**Remember..TALK IS CHEAP....actions speak louder than words

 

SuperDave71

[finalcloud13]

Okay, I already apologized to her many times for neglecting her months back. I will make sure not to make the same mistake if I ever get a second chance. But, I don't see how I'm using her as a safety net. I never pursued or liked anybody else since my ex dumped me.