Need help, superdave i read your post, mayb you could help?

[kevind345]

So my girlfriend of 2 years and 3 months broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, and I didnt really tell anyone for awhile...so when my friends found out (im a guy by the way) one was like if you want her back dont call her or im her let her contact you, this was about a week after we already broke up and during that week me and my gf had been talking and seeing each other, mostly seeing each other cause of me, but anyways we saw each other a few times and even made out and what not. She broke up wiht me 2 weeks ago because she said she wasent sure anymore, and things have been different for awhile, she said she thinks she maybe likes someone else and just needs time and space to figure things out because she wants to be sure before continuing our relationship. So anyways i tried not calling her and stuff that didnt work, by the way she called me about 40 percent of the time, so it wasent just me. Like i said before my one friend said dont initiate contact let her, he said that worked for him, another friend said dont talk to her at all and dont see her, so anyways its been 2 days since i started not calling her or w/e but were in college and we go to the same college....im 21 and she is 19. So we ran into each other and on campus and talked for awhile, this was just today. And she hugged me real hard and long which surprised me, cause the few times ive seen her in the last week she has just gave me the friend hug. So that was odd, but she acts like she will come back to me sometimes then sometimes not..................ANYWAYs if anyone really wants to help me i can go on, but my main question is, after reading superdave's suggestion I want to know if those 2 weeks of me calling and seeing her screwed things up, and if it would be helpful to start not talking to her now (which i have been doing for 2 days) and she has called me twice, and called me when we were on campus to see where i was, because we walk by each other, so we saw each other cause she called and waited)...so im wondering if i should not talk to her at all.....or just not initiate convo? anyways if anyone has some insight please help me

[heloladies21]

People overestimate the impact of doing all those crazy things we do after getting dumped. It doesn't push the ex away as some say, it just delays and prolongs what inevitably happens afterward. Smae thing with any of the contact games, these don't have any permanent effect as what's suppose to happen eventually happens anyways.

 

So what to do now? If you feel too much emotionally affected by her that you cannot control your actions (which I don't suspect as you sound like you are pretty much in control of yourself), then you would take some time to let yourself cool down so you can handle the situation rationally.

 

But if you are already passed this stage and can accept any final answer she may give you, then you need to have a talk with her. There you would basically let her know how you feel about her and that you would like totry again. Then hear what she has to say. But beware that if she has anything to say other than an outright "I want to try again too right now" along with a pretty good explanation as to what changed her mind, then she is merely stalling and will eventually end up giving you lots of false hope and dropping you in the end for good.

 

Contact games don't work. Hanging around in the background or being her friend in the hopes that she'll change her mind doesn't work. These methods have been beaten into the ground with no permanent positive results. The best thing is to play it straight, but then stick up for yourself as if she's not into you now, then she never will be. And at that point, there's nothing left to say as everything has been said. Then you go into NC. Then you move on for good.

[Siriana]

^

 

That's good advice.

[kevind345]

that is good advice, but she already knows my feelings, it has been talked about a few times between us, and i have been doing the no contact thing for 3 days now and she has been calling and today she called and seemed sad, and asked why i dont call anymore and stuff....and she said she misses me and stuff, and sounded like she wanted to say something important but i couldnt get it out of her....so i guess im past the stage of saying "what do you want i need a decision" because she just keeps saying "i dont know, i need time, i havent figured things out yet".......thank you for replying

[boosted4life84]

You say you were doing NC, but you're talking to her? That is not NC. If she calls, DO NOT ANSWER. I know you want to, I know you want to talk to her. Don't do it. She LEFT you. She needs to know what it is like for you to not be there. Hold your head up high, do not think about her. It seems as though she's just stringing you on until she is ready to make a decision. Well, she needs to make that decision for herself. If you truly love her, let her go for a while.

[kevind345]

Yeah boosted your right i guess....my good friend told me to not call or answer her calls....but i think she will take that the wrong way....idno if i said it before but she called me yesterday and was upset and stuff that i dont call her...and she said "you dont call me, and your fine with, your just fine now?".....it is hard...what if she is calling to tell me somethign important?......i guess ill start doing that now