am I selfish or is it his mom???

[elfscrap]

I haven’t seen my husband for 3 weeks!!! I am so excited that he is finally coming home from working out of town, the day before Valentine’s Day!!! However, I just found out that he does not have plans of spending the day/night celebrating with me at home. His first day back will be spent driving (3 hours to and from) to visit his mother’s house for something that she does not need right now. I am very disappointed and hurt that he would choose her over me (especially this close to the romantic “day for lover’s”).

 

Granted, she is sick and lonely and just transferred to a healthcare home. Yet, she has been there just as long as I have been alone here at home (with an emergency to boot) and I am lonely too. I feel for her, but at the same time, we have been having constant troubles with her. She is driving us both crazy. She is a drug/alchohol abuser that is manipulative and financially and emotionally draining. I don’t think that my husband should be supporting and giving into her “sob stories”, but he can’t seem to say no to her.

 

My husband and I do have a 3 day weekend planned together – am I being selfish?

[melrich]

Why don't you go on the drive with him?

 

I don't think you are being selfish. If the day has special meaning for you and he can put his mother off for the day then personally I think that is what he should do. If he can't put her off maybe you can spend the time driving there together, stop off for lunch on the way?

[MissTee]

He is obviously torn between his responsibilty to you and his mother... and I guess in his mind, he is doing the best he can. He is spending a three day weekend with you. If it weren't V-Day would you be as upset?

 

Don't let V-Day get the better of you! Feel his pain... He probably hates being away from you too.

 

(I would be cranky too!)

 

Like melrich says... go on the drive with him! Could be fun...

[caro33]

I tend to agree. If you can go with him, then you get the time and you also show some support.

 

I don't think you are being selfish, but I do think it sounds like he's not being unreasonable either. You guys just need to negotiate how he sees his mother and maximises time with you.

 

Is he really choosing her over you? I can imagine that he might even see this trip as a chore he wants to get out of the way so he can enjoy the rest of the time with you. I reckon I would do that too.

 

Have a lovely weekend!

[elfscrap]

thanks - I can't go with him cause I have to work during the day. I offered to drive with him and take care of this on the weekend of the 24th. She is guilting him into going tomorrow cause of some drama she has that she can't afford to take care of on her own.

 

Also, I would be just as upset if it weren't V-day cause I haven't seen him in so long. I would think that he would want to spend time with me. Plus, while he was gone, I had an accident and broke my nose in the ER.

[melrich]

If you are working during the day what does it matter that he drives to his moms?

 

Is he staying the night there? In that case I think you are right to ask him to come back in the afternoon.

[freedom]

i feel that you are being selfish. In the end of the day, she is his mother and he has his responsibilities. She just moved into new surroundings and he wants to see she is ok. He has his responsibilites to he mother. Unfortunately it falls on this day (14th Feb) and thus your expectations are there.

 

May i suggest something.... if it's important to you, why not take the day off and drive up to his mothers, Why dont you jump in the car and have a romantic 3 hours drive to see his mom. It would be great that you share they day as a family. On your way home you can have a romantic dinner or night in a hotel.

 

Don't get into a competition with the mother. It would put unnecessary stress into your relationship. He is with you but he has to look after his mother. Be glad that is knows his responsibilites and his proirites. Though it sucks the man has his heart in the right place. You kind both make it up over the weekend.