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Not Right Now...


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Hi Everyone.


I haven't posted much in the relationship section, so I'll give a summary of how I came to be a member here at ENA. In the summer, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me and I was devistated. I was depressed for about 3 months-didn't want to go out, didn't want to date anyone, didn't even want to go to school. Anyways, in about mid-September, I started feelping better and it's been going good with my feelings ever since. Then, in October, I started dating another guy, and it didn't work out (we're still friends though), and then I dated another guy in December/January, and that too didn't work out. So, here I am, lonely again and I've kind of come to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn't be in a relationship right now in my life. I'm 22, I'm in my last year of school for Nursing, I work part-time and I spend all my free time studying for school. I have friends that I love with all my heart, I live with my parents...I really have a good life, but it just isn't doing it for me right now. I sometimes get really easily aggitated or upset, or depressed really quickly and still find myself thinking about my ex from the summer. I know everyone on here has their own "bad days", but has anyone made the realization that a relationship just isn't a good idea for a while? I just have a sour taste in my mouth because none of the relationships in the past 2 years for me have worked out, and that kind of sucks to realize.


Some of this is just me venting, but I know this would be the best place to do it. Has anyone on here came to that conclusion that they shouldn't be dating right now?


Just wondering I guess...any advice would help too with the whole depressed and unhappy feelings too




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Hey STB-


First of all let me say your feelings are normal. I also have a couple of other points to add here from my experience with similar situations bred from feelings you describe:


1) I think your relationships "worked out" in more ways than you think or realize. I think you gained a lot of wisdom and experience from them about life, love, and yourself and in that sense they worked out wonderfully.


2) It sounds like you are subtly attaching the notion of "not dating right now" to being a negative thing. I've done this before, attached a sense of self-worth to my relationship status. Once I let go of that attachment, even if a subtle one, my perspective on life, love, and myself changed and I became a lot happier and more comfortable in my life...


...then sure enough when I found some stable happiness like this...someone walked into my life unexpectedly and the notion of a relationship opportunity I once longed for yet struggled so hard to let go of was there...


I guess life works that way...


3) One's academic record is one of the most permanent things in this world. People can lose jobs, break up with significant others, lose or destroy material objects, but that transcript is going to stay with you forever. So keep doing what you're doing right now and get the job done in paving the road towards a bright future in nursing with good grades. You'll have plenty of time to worry about relationships after that...


4) And you do have a really good life right now. Look at all you have instead of what you don't have. Keep doing that until you convince yourself of the truth behind that. I bet you'll become less agitated when you get used to that new pattern of positive thinking...

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