I'm Trying to Be a Mind Reader Again

[TeachIt]

Hey all. Its been a while since I've posted...but I'm in need of some advice again. My SO and I broke up shortly after Christmas. I did the usual...long emails, calling, and after reading many of the posts on this forum I realized I had to step away. So I did. I admitted and accepted that the best thing to do was walk away. A week later she began emailing and texting me. Each time I politely responded, as she did to my calls and emails after the initial breakup. In the meantime I focused on me: working out again and even picking up the guitar that had gathered dust for over a year. Each time I responded to her messages I approached it with the frame of mind that it would be the last time I would speak with her - thus I felt capable and strong enough to focus on the things that made me happy in life: and I understood that I didn't need her to be happy. Meanwhile she kept sending messages, and I kept responding...finally evolving into I was getting an email or a text from her every day. Ugh. What was she thinking? I took the messages at face value: "I love you so much" and "I miss you" had started to become hard to ignore. Finally I texted her: "would you like to talk at some point?" We talked about two weeks ago. Great conversation. Nothing remotely close to relationship talk. The next message I got from her really hit me hard: the lyrics to "Only Wanna Be With You". A sure sign, right? I still took things slow, and we talked every few days. Got a Valentine's Day card from her yesterday: "I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me, but my heart reminds me all the time. I love and miss you so much."

 

These words have been convincing, but in my mind, actions speak louder than words, especially written words. I haven't been receiving much outside of regular talk from her on the phone...but is she really wanting this to work again but waiting for me to make the first major move?

 

I did the breaking up, but she had emotionally detached herself from me for over a year. I did not want to be her back up plan and hated the notion of being on the backburner.

 

Check my old posts if you'd like more detail. Should I continue to take it slow or reiterate how I truly feel?

 

Thanks!

[Scotcha]

Even though she may have been distant before hand it was you who broke up with her. She has let you know that she wants to be with you. In my eyes (and I'm sure in her eyes too) the ball is in your court now.

[blender]

How do you "truly feel"?

 

If it's not okay for you right now to just be in "emotional limbo" and "just there" in her life in no defined way.. then it's always best to make choices based on YOUR standards/values.. and not what you "think" she MIGHT be thinking... instead make choices based on YOUR truth.. then you will "truly" know where she stands as well.

 

So ask yourself a few things first:

 

Is this a fulfilling, as it is? if the answer is "no" then it's best that you no longer "allow" yourself to be "just there" for her, without "clear, loving, respectful intentions on her part to follow through in making an effort to try again as a couple.

 

Do you feel like you are on "hold" emotionally by engaging in emails, texts etc?

Do you want to "try again" and "make an intentional effort" towards her exclusively?

 

If your answers are "yes".. then it's time to clearly state what YOU are feeling, even if it is a bit of "risk" for your heart.. because "treading water" like this is okay for awhile, but "why" do this for too long?

 

Instead step up to the plate, let her know how you feel, and that you would like to "try again as couple"...and then respectfully ask her to express to you what her intentions are by staying in contact with you and expressing such strong emotional things towards you, about missing you, loving you..etc.

 

It starts with you being "emotionally truthful" about where YOU stand, and then it is respectful and confident to ask her what her intentions are as well.

 

If it's not what you want to hear, well then, it's best that you know, and you can make a choice as to whether you now want to define yourself as "buddy" in her life, or if it is better for YOUR own sake to "let go with love" and simply say, "I need some time to grow past all this, so it's best that we no longer have any contact, if in time you "discover" authentic feelings for me that you intend to follow through on, you know how to get in touch with me.. I wish you happiness, and I care for you deeply... I'm sure you can understand me putting some self respecting boundaries on my own heart."

 

Then she will know that IF she is going to choose to be in contact with you, that you have the self respect to want her to "intentionally" be doing so because she wants to "follow through" on her words.. this will give her a chance to "discover" what she is "truly feeling"... in the meantime you can feel so good about yourself, and the fact that you have the class and integrity to be honest and set some standards/values for your heart.. if you don't treat your own heart with respect/standards/values, she never will.