REALY NEED SOME HELP HERE QUICK

[King_of_Crunkness23]

Okay! Where do i begin, me and my fiance have been together for 7 years. Through the 7 years we have encountered just about every obsticle life throws at you. But we always managed to get ourselves back up. We both have always lived with our parents, her family has always been real abusive with eachother, with alcohol and drugs. We met when she was 14, i was 16. Shes 20 now and im going to be 24 in October. I have always been extremely jealous. Scared to death that i would lose her because of some other prick would step on my boundaries and be better. Well this has lasted throughout the whole relationship, she would beg me to stop, crying everytime it came up. I was a total jerk! I never been real good at holding jobs, due to depression, anxiety, bi-polar, alcohol and you name it. I have ignored her wishes. Her thoughts. Her dreams. and i feel so guilty, so ashamed. Well last month i went to Washington D.C to see my brother. I tried calling her ALL that day, so being as jealous as i am (YOU KNOW WHAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD) "cheating", so i sent her a text message on her phone and it said "i know you were looking forward to me leaving, i knew i was gonna come back with no girlfriend or life as always" well she finally called me back at 2am when she finally got home. she said its over, take your words and eat them! I have not talked to her but twise sense then, and that was a month ago. She had her cell phone changed so i wont send text messages. her mom and dad called the police on me 2 weeks ago when i tried going over there and talking to her. I got a dui that night and put my car in the ditch cause the bi-polar was REALLY kicking in! I had a girl--friend call her a week ago to talk to her. and my ex said if he can get it straight then i maybe might consider taking him back. Well she got on the other night on yahoo. popped up and said "well i guess i can say hi" i busted out in tears! she said she still loves me. 7 years is a long time and she'll always love me. But i start a new job next week. making good money, thats what she said she wanted, was for someone who can take care of her, i agree when she says that, because i always been deprived to myself. an alcoholic, a butt-hole more a less! i miss this girl TRULY, i been going to church now, 4 days a week. ive come to spiritual understanding with ilfe. i got a GOOD job now. i understand how to controle the jealousy. but every night it seems like my prayers have been for HER and not for god or myself. It almost seems like im selfish in wanting her in my life again. i dream of her constantly, i think of her throughout the day AND the night. I cry atleast 3 times a day for a solid hour. I cant talk to her. Cant send her a letter. IT HURTS SO BAD!! HOW CAN i convince her that im welling to change everything and become a better man FOR HER AND MYSELF. if we got back together. what should i do? i know shes hurt to. shes trying to give me this impression like shes TOUGH, she can handle this. throughout the 7 years she has always been the weak minded. always telling me DONT THROW AWAY ALL THESE YEARS STACY! AND I LISTENED. so now its time to turn the ropes. i have to convince HER. shes very special and particular in my life. and i dont know if i can spend another day feeling like this. i quit the alcohol, take meds for depression. but with the emotions of her drowning me out. its not easy changing. if anyone has some advice (good advice), maybe some tips on what i can do. i HAVE to atleast try. cause on down the road ill fel guilty not for taking action, like all the times before. i have to stand my ground. thankyou for reading my article. i hope your not crying like i am right now hope to hear from ya be more than welcome to add me on yahoo!

[Princess777]

Dear King,

 

Welcome to enotalone, first of all. I just had to respond to you because you sound so much like my husband, it's so odd. He exhibits the same traits you described and I have considered divorce because of it. But that's another story entirely!.....

I feel for you and I feel for your fiance' - I really do. Let me tell you, she has lasted a long, long time if you have always been like that and she must be an extraordinary woman. I'd suggest you just give her some time (exactly not what you wanted to hear I know). If you are not allowed legally to talk to her or see her, I guess you could write her a letter and give it to a friend to give to her? Not sure about the laws if you have a restraining order on you. If you absolutely cannot contact her in any way, then you really don't have any choice but to give her time to work her feelings out. There's no doubt in my mind that she still loves you. I know how she felt though when you do those things, and I know that I just get to the point where I am emotionally overloaded and need a break from him. I finally decided that I have to either accept him for who he is and everything bad about him as well as the good, and if he wants to change then it is only under his control.

At this point there is really nothing you can do other than get control of yourself and prove to YOURSELF that you can succeed at your goals. She will come around later I'm sure....

Princess777

[King_of_Crunkness23]

princess777, thankyou for responding to me, its a very difficult situation, i sit here right now thinkin of a way to talk to her, theres no legal terms in the issue, such as restraining order, its just if i come around there her dad calls the cops, for the reason i dont know, the reason they called the cops on me the night i got the DUI is because her mom and dad just got home from camping, and he was DRUNK BAD!! carrie told me that personally, yes i do realize how she felt all those years, i realized it before we broke up and i was working on getting better, i just told her its sorta like in my blood, its hard to change baby immediately, let me wave this out, let me do better okay baby, but she didnt seem to think i was changing, even though i was getting a different mind set about the situation, i love this girl, i really really do, and its SO hard changing even the slightest thing as what you eat, cause we were always around eachother and we always did EVERYTHING together, being no legal issues in the matter, and i understand she needs time, this is a stubbern woman, shes set in her ways (as i believe) i sent her an email, asking if we can maybe, spend 1 to 2 days together a week, call eachother every other week just to see whats up, if shes doin ok, if theres anything she wants to talk about, but you know i sit here and i think about something, about the jealousy. shes brokeup with me, she can run freely, and the feeling aint near as strong as it was when we were together, is that ME changing? theres so many questions unanswered, but i really would LOVE to have this woman back into my life, again thankyou for your reply

[Mar]

I TOTALLY agree with Princess.....my fiance has anxiety attacks, panic attacks, depression, the tendency towards alcoholism, he was out of work for most of the 2+ years we've been together.....and I fought with my family and friends over him for MONTHS, defending him, sticking up for him, fighting for us. But you DID kinda bring it on yourself by not trusting her. So my first suggestion would be to pray to God for YOU, and you alone, not your future with her, not anything else, because you need the help first. If you can't change, the situation won't change. You have to overcome your insecurities, your doubts, etc......you asked her to marry you because you love her and presumably trust her....well, where did all of that doubt come from? You've said yourself that you're changing your ways, are praying, cutting out the alcohol (I think you said that, anyway), etc. And that's an awesome start. Just give her time to see that you really are the man you say you are now, and have some faith in her, and her love for you.