What A Mess

[littlemiss26]

Where to start! I'm not one to share my problems with other people but I thought that if it was all down in black and white that it might make more sense and anyways it's not like I'm ever going to bump into anyone walking down the street. So here goes; I met my partner a few years back we hit it off straight away and were really good friends, we took things slow as I have two children from a previous Failed relationship. Things were going great till summer 05. Something happened to my little girl that brought back a lot of bad memories for me and I started to put a wall up between my partner and I. As a result our relationship started to fall apart, I didn't want him anywhere near me ( not because I didn't love him but because I was in my own world of pain from the past and I felt like I didn't deserve him) couldn't stand him touching me. Needless to say we ended up with no sex life, we have one now kind of!

I then made a really bad mistake I stayed out one night all night! I just needed space time to think, time to just float by like nothing else mattered. My partner thought that I had cheated on him (and he still does to this day)

even though I explained everything to him about how I was feeling. We have some how muddled through and are still together just.

My partner has a problem with the booze and it can sometimes make him very difficult to talk to, which according to him is my problem. He now has this idea that we should move half way around the world and start over again like everything would be great if we did that. I have no intention of moving away, I have my family round the corner, then there is also the children, I have my work and my friends. I would be insane to when things are how they are with us. I love him so much but not enough to put my family through that much.

I told him that I wasn't going to move anywhere when things were like this and his answer was to go through the west coast on a bender with mates!

 

So if any of you have any advice that would be great. Thanks for reading.

[robowarrior]

Yep, don't make your heart a murderhole, go to see a therapist and let it all out. You see a problem that isn't discussed cannot be solved, you still not even stating here what exactly that bad memory was that brought back all that pain, of course i won't force you to tell private issues, but i already commend you on at least stating your emotions which is a very brave and enduring task to do to say the least, in the relationship sense, you aren't the only one who needs theraphy, your partner needs help for his alcohol problem.

 

You see what you need to take in aspect very deerly is this.

 

Bring in positive constructive things into your life, and ditch all the things that are out to destroy you. Now personally i don't blame you for going a night out all alone to sort out your feelings, but you can imagine from your partner who was left out, that it means that you aren't sharing your emotions with your partner , this is bad because couples are supposed to support eachother, communicating and telling what's on eachothers mind so that they are able to 'feel' eachothers situation and that is important because that makes both parties aware of the care and the situation that they have for eachother.

 

Because it revolves in the past relationship, you don't have the feeling that you should talk and discuss this over with your partner, and in a way that is correct because the ex-life is something that lies on a different level, and is better to be discussed with someone who can relate but will not be effected relationshipwhise by you lifting your issues that you have on your mind.

 

People close themselves up if their trust has been violated in the past, you have to be like a castle gate and only open yourself up to good people/things/events, and understand that its ok to open yourself up to good people. To bad people/things/events you have to close yourself up with, because they are only out to harm you even more.

 

So opening your heart here, and to a therapist is a good idea, because your emotions are protected in those places.

But i really think that this is an unresolved issue that needs to be dealt with before you can aquire happyness with your partner, so just spit it out on what happened.

[littlemiss26]

I was abused as a child by my step-father, I have since dealt with this by going through therapy. It was the fact that something sim almost happened to my little girl, while in his care.

 

Now he knew everything that had happened to me I was always open and honest with him about it all. He also knew about the patterns of behaviour and how certain situations would affect me. This is something we have always been open and honest about. I thought he understood.

 

I let my partner know that I needed some space and time out as I had tried to dicuss things with him as we always have done. I wanted to help him understand, as much for him as for me.

 

He came back from his weekend and informed me that I had to change, I am the one who is changing for the better. He's the one who never changes, never accepts responsibility for his mistakes as I do. He always tells me that I am at fault!

 

I now believe that he met someone else while he was away as he can't even look at me let alone talk to me.