Openheart1 Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 It has been almost one year since my girlfriend and I broke up. We talked for about 6 months after, then I had to end all contact because I had too high of expectations regarding our "friendship," which ultimately undermined our relationship further. She was my first true girlfriend, my first love. Of course, most of you know that story. In any case, the reason she broke up was because I "completely changed." About 8 months after we became a couple, I went off to graduate school, thus turning our relationship into long distance. Of course, over the course of the two years I was in graduate school, I changed and uprooted myself and became an independent person. She remained behind, pursuing her career. So, it is not surprising that I changed over the two year period, but one thing that I am interested in understanding is her statement denoted that I changed in a negative way relative to her impression of who I was. Ultimately, it seems all of us go into a relationship with a person with every kind of expectation in the world. We have an idea of who our significant other is and who they want to become, in many ways being blind to the fact that relationships evolve and shift as two people evolve and shift. Unfortunately, I run into trouble conceptually when I try and reconcile two key issues. If one enters into a truly committed relationship, are they just being naive thinking that they will not grow and mature? Or do most people enter into a relationship thinking it will remain that "romantic love" that lasts but a short time. Since my girlfriend and I broke up, I realized that it was never truly love, but one in which was conditional and full of insecurity given it was our first love for the both of us. Looking back, I'm much more aware of what true love actually is. While I remain an idealistic and a romantic when it comes to love, I let it cloud my judgement much less, at least I think I do. In the end, it seems in my mind that I think under all of my experiences lies a fundamental truth: I firmly believe that people who claim that they love someone and then break up fail to realize what true love actually is. They go in with all kinds of expectations, then break up because those expecations aren't met. Maybe it is due to naivity, lust, or just plain selfishness, it seems strange and ingenuine to me that people who break up with someone still sometimes claim their love for that other person. To me, once a person breaks up, that is a direct sign that they were never in love with YOU, they were only in love with qualities about you that they confused for the real person. It seems people seem to falsify and denigrate love by confusing loving the person and loving the qualities that inevitably evolve and mature. So, I suppose another lesson I learned is that falling in love and loving someone are two entirely different things and yet people still think they are the same. For those of you who broke up, rest assured, breaking up does not mean that person loves you. If they remain in contact, it only means they don't want to hurt you further, nothing more. Maybe I'm a skeptic, but for me "breaking up" has come to mean they care for you enough to say to you you are no longer necessary as a significant part of your life. In the end, be careful with your next love by not undermining it right from the start with all kinds of expectations. They will inevitably catch up and destroy the fabric of your relationship. Take care. Quote Link to comment
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