Boyfriends mom won't let us date

[grafzeppelindown]

Forgive me, this is long...the two of us met about 4 years ago and began dating about a year into our friendship, after becoming best friends. we've been through just about everything together. he has a very hard life at home. his parents are divorced, and his mom is very controlling of his life. she's very protective of him, and trys to do the best for him, but doesn't realize it's hurting him. he rarely see's his father or talks to him, and when he does its for an extremely short period of time. his plan is to move in with his dad, but hasn't been able to get his drivers licence because he "can't get his licence until he gets a job, but hes not allowed to get a job" according to his mom. for the first year, she was okay with our relationship, then got worried that we were too serious at such a young age, but she let us continue. there were some hostile times, lots of girls were after him, to the point where i was threatened of being killed by a group of girls, who eventually were arrested. slowly his mom began to limit us seeing eachother, it first began that every time he saw me, he'd have to do 2 things with other friends before we could see eachother again. then it became once a week, then once a week for no more than 4 hours. now, we aren't allowed to see eachother at all. it's to the point where he is afraid to ask his mom if we can do anything. sometimes we can speak on the phone, but most of the time not for very long, and if we go over the "time limit" he gets in trouble, and usually grounded. it's hard because i'm the only person he is not allowed to see or speak to normally. now we can't even act like we like eachother at school or anywhere because we're afraid of someone telling his mom, because she always finds out. we've been having this "secret relationship" for the past 4 months, hoping that waiting out his ma would work, but it isn't working at all. she's just cutting down on him more and more, forbidding him to have anything to do with me. his dad can't help (it's a very long, confusing story) his mom says he needs to date other girls, but he doesn't want to. now he is thinking about just dating someone he doesnt even like to make her happy. its making me worry that while he's "pretending" he'll forget about me, and everything we had, even though we've been in a relationship for 4 years. i dont know what to do, there is no talking to his ma because she has her mind set, and really doesn't like me for no apparent reason. does anybody have the same problem or does anyone have advice..?

[Aleadragonhawk]

This really sounds like his mother has serious emotional and perhaps mental problems. I don't think that him dating another girl would help any here - in fact, it sounds like the best thing for him here would be getting out of this situation. From what you've told us about his mother, she sounds manipulative and abusive. This is NOT normal behavior.

[arwen]

Hey graf,

 

Welcome to ENA! How old are the two of you? Because once he is older than say 18, he should be able to decide for himself if he can get a job, right? I think his mother has difficulty letting her son go. I have been for a bit in a 'hard mother-in-law' situation with my ex, but we were both adults (20, 21) and living on our own. So it didn't really interfere. Have things happened between you and his mother, such that she is not happy with you, or? She may be scared that her son is committing too soon at a too young age. But you know, it's not up to HER in the end. Your bf has been with you for 4 years, and she cannot decide for him if you are what he wants.

 

I know it's hard, but I wouldn't plan secret meet-ups and things like that. You are allowed to see each other, would it be a plan to meet each other at his place and talk with her about it?

 

Arwen