I know he likes me but it's weird.

[Tamoko]

For the past 6 weeks this guy and I have been hanging out alot.

 

We're always texting back and fourth and he's always coming over to wherever I am to hang out or to party or to just fall asleep.

 

We've had a few sexual encounters but it's nothing serious.

 

He knows I like him, I've told him.

 

As far as him liking me, I'm sure he does but all he has said to me is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship.

 

I said OK, whatever. We can just be friends. But these sexual encounters took place after he stated that.

 

And after these things happen he states that he didn't expect it to happen but he does enjoy it.

 

So does he want a friends with benefits thing or is he still wading in the pool?

 

I last saw him Tuseday morning and then I went to work, he was still asleep. Then Tuseday after work I went to bed from 4PM-8PM. When I woke up he had texted me about 5 times asking what I was up to and then if I was ignoring him and if something was wrong because I wasn't texting him back asap.

 

I figured if he's so used to me being around him and then I don't see him for a few days maybe It'd trigger something in his head that he wants to be with me. I know he misses me, being around me and such, but I'm unsure of his exact feelings.

 

And he wont kiss me because he feels that kissing is something you only do when you're in a relationship But sometimes when we're out he has a tendacy to wave his arms around. I'll get knocked by his elbow, very lightly, but I say OW and he'll kiss me on the cheek and comfort me.

 

And today we were looking at fridges for his apartment and he says "We should buy this one" and I said "Excuse me, WE?" And he laughed.

 

I'm very fond of him but I got other guys who want to be with me, not just around me.

 

Am I fooling myself?

 

Or should I just give it time?

[Batya33]

Honestly, especially with the not kissing thing it sounds a lot like he is treating you like a prostitute, except he is not paying you. Listen to what he said - he does not want to be in a relationship with you. He might want the benefits of one - that you call him back ASAP, that you be available to have sex with on a moment's notice, that you run errands with him - but make no mistake about it - having sex with him will not change his mindset that he does not see you as girlfriend material. He is also not a particularly good friend, since he knows you are interested in more and he is still taking what he can get without committing or even dating you. Now, I don't blame him in a sense because it takes two, and you are consenting and willing to have casual sex.

 

Look, you are going so far as to interpret why he would apologize for being a klutz and hitting you by accident. He probably would comfort anyone he knew in much the same way. Is this your standard - that you will accept the little scraps of "caring" when someone bumps into you?

 

If you want to see if he wants to date you, do the following. Tell him you are no longer interested in having sex without a relationship and that it makes you uncomfortable that he won't even kiss you. Tell him you would like to find someone who wants to date you and get to know you with the potential for a relationship. He can contact you only if he wants the same things and otherwise, please to leave you alone - if he truly is your friend, he will understand. If he changes his mind and wants to date you, your absense from his life will give him the chance to see what life is like without you.

 

If you do choose to continue this arrangement, please be honest with yourself that he is treating you exactly as you allow him to treat you, and consistent with how you treat yourself. I hope you make a different choice particularly since you are risking STDs and pregnancy with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

[Tamoko]

We don't have sex! It's just a few sexual things have happened and only twice in 6 weeks.

 

I never looked at it the way you said it though, wow..

[Batya33]

OK - doesn't make too much of a difference other than it means you cannot get pregnant (but please do not have oral sex unless he has been tested for STDS very recently and you are sure he hasn't been with anyone else sexually in at least the last 6 months).

[real2]

As a guy whos said, im not interested in a relationship "at the moment" or whatnot, I can basically tell you that I say this around girls I have limited to no interest in.

 

If a friend of a girl who is infatuated with me asks why Im not asking a particular girl out, and my response is "not looking for a relationship", then its basically the same story.

 

Long story short, he is not interested. Whatever your sexual "encounters" mightve been, he probably felt nothing of it. Remain his friend, but dont look for anything any further. If he says he might like you, its not true

[Batya33]

I'm not sure what she would get out of being friends with a person who treats her in this way. Casual acquaintances - being polite to each other if they run into each other, sure- but friends? Not how I define "friends."

[annie24]

yeah, I don't like the way he is treating you either. no kissing? fooling around? sounds like he is treating you like a prostitute. yuck. I agree, if you want more, a real relationship, then don't stand for this. If a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship, believe him! Why is he hanging out with you? for fun. because he doesn't have a different girl lined up. because he is having fun fooling around once in a while.

 

I say walk away and don't look back. that is just me though.