I miss you so much

[iceman85]

Dear L,

 

This is everything I wish I could say to you. Everything inside of me that somehow came to the surface again today. I miss you so much. I know its been a while since we talked and that it didnt go well. I know we've been broken up for awhile now. When I said I loved you I meant it and I know you did too.

 

There are days where I just get the feeling like I could walk the 30 miles between us just to see you again. There are days where I close my eyes and I can picture your smile. There are days when I pick up your scent in the air and am reminded of a better time.

 

This time of the year is tough, but I hold strong, what gets me weak is my love for you and how hard it is to be apart.

 

You showed me so much, you helped me grow and for that I am better now, I can't thank you enough. I am on my journey forward, on a better path than what I was on when I met you. I just wish you were still here with me, without you it doesnt seem right.

 

I miss your smile, your laugh, your longing gaze, the feel of your touch. I miss spending time with you and enjoying life to a level I didn't know prior.

 

I dont know if i'm crazy or what, but theres just something that I cant figure out that makes me sit here thinking about you, writing this.

 

Theres so much more I could say, I remember our special times together and fear they will wash away with time. That is one of my biggest fears, that our love that we had will be forgotten over time. It is something I never want to forget.

 

As the tears begin to drop again I am reminded of how difficult life can be. My wish is that this message touches you someway somehow. Wherever you are know that I miss you so much, that I loved you and my heart still does.

[JimmerJammer]

What is this post for btw? Are you wanting our opinion over whether to send this to your ex? is this a post to make a statement about where you are in your life?? If this is to wonder about sending this to her or not after she broke up with you or after you broke up with her... there's a difference and that difference is really key. Otherwise it would sound good if she was pining over you still if you broke up with her and feel the distance isn't what you thought it'd feel like. If its because she broke up with you, I'd hold off until more information was given because it would sound too much to me like you're trying to get something back through convincing her of this stuff. It wouldn't work if that was the case.

[Dako]

I take it the OP is writing it here instead of sending it to her.

It's a well-written letter and probably is best left unsent.

It certainly is touching, though.

 

Hang in there, Iceman.

[friscodj]

Hey ice-

 

I have been following your story since day 1. This letter is amazing and I see a lot of my own past feelings in there word-for-word. You did great by writing it all down, getting it out, and posting it here to us...

 

I've felt this way and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way at this time after your break up. I've struggled, cried, lost hope, cried some more, and thought this cycle would never end but it does and it will for you. I absolutely 100% guarantee that. There is a light that will shine on you at the end of this dark, cold, hopelessly long tunnel.

 

Please let me know if there is anything I can do you my friend. You might also consider beginning a journal of regular expressions of these feelings like this in the "Journals" section of this site. It can be very cleansing for you to do so.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

You know what. I just wrote one similar to yours, I save it as draft and never sent it out.

 

It is because near valentine. We kind of think of our ex.

 

Yesterday, a DJ ex boy friend called up to the radio station, while on air, to ask for another chance. And it has been 7 years. Wow.

[mikeca]

we've had some similar moments iceman85, I was feeling a little down today, because a year ago I took my ex to a hockey game for valentines as well as a night on the town, 4 seasons hotel etc. It was the last time we made love.

 

I hope this letter felt good to write, its good that you posted here as on outlet for this. I see your coming to terms with this, and that you honour the love but look forward to something on the horizon, its all we can do

 

-your brother

[iceman85]

Yes I posted this to put out everything that I was feeling instead of letting it really get to me.

 

It is cathartic to just let everything out. It wasnt easy to write. In fact my vision was blurry and I really felt everything when writing this.

 

I have been doing fine except I just got hit with a sudden bout of all of the emotions again.

 

I really do miss her and care for her still. I feel like I have gone back a step after going forward. Then again I understand that I'll never be able to completley detach from her. She was very special to me and that wont ever change.

 

I tell myself to forgive her for what happened. It is all in the past, if I dont forgive her I cant move forward. I cant see things for what they are now. I'll continue to stay in the painful past.

 

This time of the year is tough and I just hope that all of this is the beginning of something better.

[terk2021]

iceman, great words you wrote above. It's very hard to understand how things can change sometimes. We have something so incredible in our lives and it can be taken away from us like that. I wrote in another post recently about what's happened to me lately. I will give you the short version, but it might provide some insight, and maybe hope.

 

A few years ago, I went through a serious relationship with someone I was friends with for 5 years prior. She had just gone through a divorce after a 1 year separation. There was something there throughout our friendship, but nothing we could act upon. I went out with her for 8 months only to truly realize I was rebound guy. She never intentionally hurt me, but I knew I had to end the relationship because I just kept falling further and further in love. I spent 3 months solid of TV, couch, neglect of friends, work, and everything around me that was great. After coming out of this nest, 5 months later I found someone that I thought was the one. Three months into dating, she said she loved me and after a few trips together, meeting each others families, and holidays in 2005, we got engaged. This relationship ended 3 weeks before our wedding date last year.

 

So, I found myself back in a similar spot, only worse. I met back up with the woman I originally fell in love with a few years ago, only to find the position had been reversed. She loved me, after a few months of dating, and my feelings were gone.

 

I know this is not your story, and may not even be close to it. I just wanted to let you read about a situation where in time, things change. It's so hard to see right now, but in time, as Frisco said above, things do get better. The right one is out there. It may be her, but for now, the best thing you can do is move forward.

 

As for my ex of last year, I chased harder and harder, and that made her go further and further away. Truthfully, I did not even recognize myself or what I was doing. I lost my whole identity in the process. You were you before you met this woman, and you can be again.

 

I wish you the best my friend. I hope some of this helps. We are all here for you at enotalone. Continue to post, and we will continue to provide support.

[iceman85]

Thank you terk. It does give me some perspective on everything.

 

I met my ex on total chance. I hadnt seen some of my friends since I graduated high school. I happened to hang out with them this one night. She was there and thats how we met. I really havent hung out with them since. Maybe a few times here and there, I just think about how fateful the whole thing was.

 

I dont know about her, I see ourselves on two different paths. I am at a competitive college, looking for a good career while she sits at home after leaving school, not knowing anything.

 

I think that strained us to some degree. I was on one path and she really didnt know her path and still doesnt. We talked about our philosophies and we both wavered back and forth about if she could be a stay at home mom or work. My opinions went back and forth.

 

She expressed many times that she didnt want to grow old and never experience anything. I understood her fear, we all feel that. I think she had an urge inside of her that she needed to live the typical late teens early 20's life.

 

Truthfully I guess 8 months after a breakup isnt alot, especially in a intense relationship.

 

I did meet another girl right after our breakup, problem is she was 4 years younger than me, and at the age i'm at. 21. That creates alot of problems. I do believe I was supposed to meet her for some reason. I dont know what that reason was. We were together for awhile, we still talk, we've been through alot. Its hard because we cant be together. Its also hard because I dont know if we were able to I would feel like I did about my ex.

 

I dont know if me and my ex will ever cross paths again. Like I said id welcome it because I still care for her alot. Thats probably why I get this urge to contact her. How did you get back into contact with yours?

[friscodj]

It is cathartic to just let everything out. It wasnt easy to write. In fact my vision was blurry and I really felt everything when writing this.

 

Your goal was to cleanse yourself here and I'd say you took a very real step towards accomplshing that mission with this letter. Tears are good for cleansing.

[iceman85]

I realized that even though I really miss my ex and I still really care about her. That it wouldnt be right to contact her. While I have improved and learned i'm not where I want to be in the end. I am not totally there yet. I have to continue and not give up.

 

The book "No more mr. Nice guy" really hit home with me. I saw alot of me in that book and I have worked and am working on fixing alot of the issues I have.

 

I also see my ex as having had her own issues. Issues she needs to take care of.

 

It isnt easy for me to do things like set boundaries, stand up for myself, and not be worried about creating conflict. Its also not easy for me to treat myself and not want to help others to look like the good guy.

 

That is just some of what I am working on and I am happy with my progress. I have to continue though. I am only in the beginning and I need to continue.

 

I miss her still and I still care about her, but I have to keep working on me and letting her work on her. Maybe when I am completley satisfied with my progress I can think about contact again.

[iceman85]

I have decided to post a journal like entry today, a day that is really hard for me.

 

Do I still love you? I feel like I do.

Then why must life be so hard, why did you have to go?

I think you have someone new, do you even remember me?

I certaintly do, and when I think of you sometimes still I can feel your touch

 

When I think of you now, I think of you as gone forever

But the love we shared will never die

I look to the sky, like we used to do

And find a star, and believe that is our love still burning bright but in the distance.

 

So today, Valentines Day, when the chocolate you gave me is long ago melted

And the flowers I gave you long ago faded

And your heart has long since checked out

I remember a girl, a boy and a love that seemed unbreakable

And I cant wait until those days return again.

[friscodj]

That is a great journal entry. Keep scrubbing...

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Great that you are starting a new journal. It would let you understand yourself more.

 

Just want to update you all about the real life story about the DJ ex boy friend called up the radio station after 7 years ask for another chance I mentioned in my previous post. It turn out the the ex boy friend actually already has a girl friend and they are planning to get married.

 

His girl friend still does not have a clue about what he was doing behind her back. As she help her boy friend to answer the handphone while he is in the shower. She thought that the DJ who called up was the wedding planner. Poor girl.

 

I am so glad that the DJ dumped that jerk!

[resi71]

great great words

[PrincessDiana]

Iceman,

 

I long to hear those words from my ex...and I never will. I applaud you for writing them, even if it is just to express them here and not to her. It shows me your character and the "stuff" from which you are made...and you know what? You are beautiful.