is it ironic.. same time every year???

[adidas7fire]

I got to thinking about something last night. My bf of 3 years and I have had a pretty great relationship if I do say so myself. His ex-gf that is married and a mother finds it necessary to email my bf to "see how things are". I told him about 6 months ago how I felt about them conversing and he told me that if it would make me feel better and help our relationship, he'd stop. So at that time, I had never seen an email from her since August... the day last being August 8th. Yesterday was Feb 8th... exactly 6 months since the last time they spoke. As I sat there and thought about it... last year on Feb 8th, she had emailed him... as if she had a timer to send an email to him. Not that I'm anal about this stuff but I do pay attention to detail, especially when something that bothers me as much as this is concerned. Is it ironic that she tries to contact him the same time every year? I had to delete the email before he could read it because I just couldn't stand to think of them conversing yet again. She has her own life now... and we have ours... and as far as I'm concerned, ex's are ex's for a reason. I'd like to keep it that way -- it only makes things better when there's no attachment, wouldn't you agree?

[darkpumpkin]

yes and no. I don't like my boyfriend talking to his ex's. Makes me uncomfortable but that's my opinion. If he feels that it's alright and doesn't mean anything. I can't really judge him that way.

[Jayar]

Exes are exes for a reason, and they should stay that way. But it's up to HIM to keep his ex and ex, not you. You'd do much better to sit back and listen with your eyes and ears open. If he handles things inappropriately, leave. You can't control what he does. You can only control what you put up with.

 

Remember, SHE doesn't owe YOU (as his new GF) anything. Nothing at all. And if he is of the mind to pursue a relationship with her, he will. Of course you'll be so distracted with trying to prevent him from doing so that you might miss it entirely. But on the other hand if he's happy with you, then even if he gets the e-mails it won't matter.

 

My humble opinion; spend less time trying to control him and more time making this the best relationship he's ever been in.

[agent1607307371]

I think that sometimes we like to catch up with people we knew, see what's going on in their lives. And if they didn't part on bad terms I could understand it. But it would make me worried if it was being hidden.

 

It's not ironic that she mails him at set times, I don't know why she does it, but it's not 10 e-mails a day. And if he told you he'd stop, why are you removing his opportunity to show his trustworthiness.

 

That said, I do not agree with deleting mail addressed to your bf at all. It shows insecurity and a lack of trust.

[CharLit]

I can't really give you an answer about the timing, it could be coincidence, or it could be that these dates once held significance to them causing her to think of him at those times.

 

It sounds like fairly superficial contact, why does it bother you so much?

 

I'm not saying that my situation can be directly applied to you & your boyfriend, but my ex (from 5 years ago)& myself also contact each other from time to check how the other is doing. My ex is definitely not the right person for me anymore and I'm deleriously happy with the man I'm with now and hope to spend the rest of my life with him. However, my ex is a good person who i once cared about deeply and spent a formative part of my life with, I like to know he's doing okay.

 

Do you feel your boyfriend's contact with his ex is a threat to your relationship?

[adidas7fire]

Yes and no that I feel that when she sends emails... regardless of their content, I feel threatened. It just makes me wonder if her husband even knows... to me, it's just disrespectful to both relationships. I will be honest and say that I wish I didn't delete the email because of obvious reasons but also because I'd like to have seen what he might have said to her. I mean, he never got a chance to tell her that he'd rather the conversing end due to having respect for me since it bothered me so much. Who knows what he would have said but the more I think about it, it drives me nuts! I mean, at some moments I can be totally OK with it and at others, I wish I could email her my thoughts and tell her to back off. It is just bothersome moreso that Valentine's Day is around the corner and the only person I want my boyfriend to be thinking about is me... not the other people he once claimed to be his Valentine.

[baddasslegend92]

If you trust him you should not have anything to worry about.And like you said it was not your place to delete the email,but to sit back and see what he was going to do.I have been married before and I still keep in touch with my ex wife from time to time to see how things are going.Nothing at all like we going to get back together or anything.Just try not to be insecure about the situation..And trust me,If he wanted to be with her he would and there's nothing you can do about it if that was the case.

[SummerGirl38]

It's not ironic that she mails him at set times, I don't know why she does it, but it's not 10 e-mails a day. And if he told you he'd stop, why are you removing his opportunity to show his trustworthiness.

 

I couldn't have said that any better myself. Could it be the 8th is some significant day, say they started dating on the 8th and every time the 8th rolls around, she thinks of him.

 

Take the high road and trust him until he proves he cannot be trusted. Otherwise you could look like the crazy, jealous girlfriend.

 

Not that I think you are, but some guys do see it that way.

[adidas7fire]

Yeah, you're right. I don't want to be THAT gf that was psycho. Lord knows he's already had her. And now that I'm here... I'm trying to prove that he HASN'T made a mistake. THanks for all your help!