Why do I do the things that I do???

[missalyssa]

I met my current boyfriend (who is the father of my 2 year old son) while I was dating my high school sweetheart. I wasn't interested at first since I was already in a relationship but that changed once I got "attached" to my current boyfriend. I ended up cheating on my high school sweetheart and moving in and onto a full time relationship with my current boyfriend.

 

I know that starting a new relationship based on lies and infidelity is not the most healthy thing but we fell for each other and that's the way it played out.

 

Fast forward a few years and I had begun to send IM's and emails back and forth to some guy I knew from school. Some turned sexual and I was caught in the act. My boyfriend freaked and we almost broke up because of the trust issue. The thing is I never wanted to do any of the things I said I wanted to do with this online "friend" I just liked all the attention I got but I can see it from my boyfriend's eyes. I would be just as pissed as he was.

 

A few years later he found out I went out to a friend's house to see an ex of mine. Again, I had no intentions on doing ANYTHING with this man but again, I know how it looks.

 

This goes on and on over and over for me. I have a habit..no, it's an addiction to attention from people of the opposite sex. I do not want anything physical with them and I do not fall in love with them. All the lies aside, my boyfriend and I have a WONDERFUL life together with a 2 year old son and a fantastic sex life but I just can't seem to control myself when it comes to the attention.

 

My boyfriend makes me feel sexy and tells me he loves me. He's never done anything to damage my trust for him.

 

I want to be with my boyfriend and I want to stop what I'm doing but I don't know how. I've tried, let me tell you, I have put in a real effort but to no avail. I feel like no one understands where I'm coming from and I feel like an all out horrible person.

 

I've deleted my Myspace and I have changed all of my passwords to the same thing and given my boyfriend a list of my email addresses and the passwords just so that I can be caught again if I do get the temptation.

 

I feel alone and I want help. I do not want to be the person that I am.

[sidehop]

I'm no expert but was your childhood full of attention from your parents & families? Maybe the attention was lacking? There are reasons why you want the attention, it doesn't necessarily have to be because you like it.

 

I'm sure others may have a better insight on this matter.

[Jetta]

I don't see a need to delete your myspace account. It gives you a source of attention that IMO would be harmless. Find positive ways to gain the attention you seek so you're not jeopardizing your relationship with your boyfriend.

[Q-ball]

You sound like a girl I know, she's very sweet. She grew up being very shy, and was not really given much attention by guys in high school. In university she became this unbelievably beautiful girl, that everybody wanted to be with. She has a boyfriend from highschool who she loves so much, and he loves her, but they constantly argue, because she just loves the attention. She always wanted to be the pretty popular girl, and now she is. I think it may be a self esteem issue, maybe you need the attention to feel good about yourself, everybody likes the way they feel when that happens, but some people like it alot.

 

Kinda the same pont that sidehop is making, the deprivation, followed by a temporary large fullfillment could leave you feeling like you're boyfriends attention isn't enough.

 

You need to become confident with who you are inside. This comes from completing big challenges.

 

I'm writing as though I'm giving advice to my friend I mentioned above, so if she doesn't sound at all like you than just ignore me, I'm not a psychologist, nor do I know how to spell it, or do I?

[yeawutever]

Seems that you were lacking affection/attention at a very early age and wanted to be recognize. Now that you are, you say you don't know how to stop yourself from cheating on your b/f. Have you thought of counseling?

 

You do not need other mens approval to be happy, you just need to be yourself.