sex advice please...... my bf wants a three-some

[shau_nee]

thanks. i'm not going to do it.

[lunatic]

so what you guys are saying is no. he would not ask me to do this if he loved me. and he is disrespectful to me.

 

I have never said that. I said that if you say no then she should respect that decision. If he keeps going on and on about it then he is not with you for the same reasons your with him.

[darkpumpkin]

I think you made the right choice. Unless your just as interested and can deal with all the emotional stuff that goes along it just creates a situation that is hurtful, resentful and destructive. I've been there.

[Scout]

I think Hubman is giving you some excellent advice. Tell him no, and see if he persists in this. His reaction will give you a good indication if he's with you for you, or to primarily fulfill his sex drive and fantasies.

[shau_nee]

thanks pumpkin, that is what i have heard from many friends. the results are not always what you think there going to be and many times when person get very jealous. i know the person that gets jealous will be me.

[flower99]

if a man wants a 3some could he still love you? my opinion yes & no. Yes if you were bi sexual & you wanted it too, than sure. NO if you have never done this before & have insecurieties (which are fully justified) & he's asking you to put aside your own feelings to fullfill his fantasy. That's not love.

When you began this relationship you had doubts, you didn't trust him & had trouble beliving him...personally I don't think you should. I believe that was your intuition & you should be listening to it...before it leads to pain & regret.

[lunatic]

I think Hubman is giving you some excellent advice. Tell him no, and see if he persists in this. His reaction will give you a good indication if he's with you for you, or to primarily fulfill his sex drive and fantasies.

 

 

Thanks Scout!

 

I figured I would give a man's point of view here. Whether or not she takes it is her decision. Shau_nee tell him you don't want to do this with him. Tell him how you feel about the jealousy and all. If he cannot take that NO as the answer then you know he is not with you for the right reasons and you need to leave him quickly.

[shau_nee]

flower thanks. that made alot of sense. and someone told him i am bi-sexual but i'm not.

[shau_nee]

thanks hubman i value your opinion. i don't think i want to do this. thanks everyone.

[kellbell]

Hey you are welcome. No matter what, we care and want to help. Let us know how things turn out.

 

 

(((HUGS)))

[flower99]

flower thanks. that made alot of sense. and someone told him i am bi-sexual but i'm not.

 

You're welcome. I really hope it turns out well

 

thanks hubman i value your opinion. i don't think i want to do this. thanks everyone.

 

That is great advice he gave. And a wise choice you've made

hugs ***&***smiles

[blender]

Wow, you've really received some wonderful advice here... Scout, Kellbell...everyone is asking you to "ask yourself" WHY? Why are you choosing to be with this guy? Why would you consider ALLOWING your body to be separate from your own self respect, soul, emotions? I'm so glad you have made the classy, self respecting choice to NOT engage in this act with this guy...

 

Be proud of yourself for this choice.. feel empowered by respecting yourself, and setting standards/values you are choosing to live with in.. this will make you VERY ATTRACTIVE to the RIGHT kind of man.. and hopefully will make this guy disappear..

 

it's all about your "self respect"... do what is within YOUR value system.. this choice is not about HIM..it's about YOU, will effect YOU... and you want to "define" yourself within your own values, and not by whether HE likes/loves you or not.

 

there are books through out history of couples who have gone down this road, and one of the most powerful ones is by a poet and she wrote after agreeing to a "threeway" something along the lines of the following..

 

"when a couple agrees to go on this adventure and add another person for sexual pleasure, you will find in time that you "cry less", "laugh less", "feel less" and you lose something that you may struggle for a long time to get back, and that is, a cherished loving respect of yourself."

 

it's not about being on in "judgement" of this, it's about understanding the emotional consequences in actually choosing to act it out, and it's about making a choice for how you feel about yourself, and the effect it would have on your cherished self respect, and you own value of intamcy..and not the effect it would momentarily have on your partner or your libido..

 

If you love someone your main concern would be about the "emotional effects of the trust, respect" it has on each other, and not about the effect it would have on your "sex life"... or about feeling a need to ALLOW his disrespectful pressure on you"... do not "accept" this for yourself, you are worthy of a loving, respectful, intentionally considerate guy, and right now your "pattern of choosing men" is not so self respecting or emotionally healthy...

 

so instead of thinking about whether you should engage in someone's fantasy, start by making a choice to set some standards/values for yourself and the type of men with whom you choose to get involved.

 

Relationships/LOVE are about trust, respect, kindness, intamcy, security, privacy..cherishing each other as not only "bodies/sexual beings" but as "souls"

 

if a partner left this just a "fantasy" he could discuss, but would never ask someone he cherishes to actually participate in because "acting on it" would water down what should be cherished most.. YOU and an "US".

 

It's time for you to take care of you, and to find your own self respecting identity, it can not come from someone else.. or "if" someone loves you..

 

Instead, finding heallthy love in a relationship, starts inside of you, for you, setting standards and values for yourself, so no matter where life's road may lead you, you always have your own "emotional self respecting compass" on which direction to go..and you'll end up where it is BEST for you".

 

I lovingly suggest you move on from this guy... he's not thinking about YOU here, he's thinking about himself.. so it's up to you to protect and cherish your mind, heart and body, and let go and move onward and upward...away from him...and back to your finding a sense of yourself.

[Rabican]

ok, i understand what all of you are saying. but my question was really can a guy love that person and want to have three-some with her?

 

Yes and no.

 

Yes, if you are very into the idea, and you want to do it as much as he does. Example, some couples swing. IE hook up with OTHER couples. For some people that works. It would not work with me.

 

No, because you are not really ok with this. You need to explain this to him. IF he really cares about you, he will respect and accept this and not pressure you to do it.

[isisastaria]

I don't think you are letting this stuff sink in . Think about this carefully, "If he loves you ...and really loves you...would he even ask?" Does he know how you feel?

 

Yes, someone always gets hurt in a threesome. I've never done it, but I've heard a lot about it.

 

Ask yourself this,"DO iREALLY WANT TO DO THIS?"

 

If not, then don't. Plain and simple. He can go somewhere else then where someone else doesn't value themselves..