Is he the one for me?

[u5ername]

Wow - where to start. I met him about a year ago. There was an instant connection. We fell in love right away. We always have the best time together, we laugh at everything and can talk for hours on end about anything. He has a little girl who i adore and she adores me. We had some issues with jealousy, and possesivness. There have been lots of fights lately which resulted in us ending things...not cause we wanted to but because we were fighting too much. During the time we were apart he did his thing and i did mine. Then we re-united...and then another fight. However, I still love him, and i know he could be the one that makes me happy for a long time. Our feelings are very mutual towards each other, when we are getting along and when we are not geeting along. Where do we go from here - try again? Or let it go and have things fade over time?

[annie24]

what if you two enrolled in some couple's counselling for at least a few sessions. you know, learn some techniques to help you guys communicate, argue. maybe find out how to keep the jealousy uner wraps.

 

let's say that you guys break up and are over. do you think that this is an issue you will encounter in your next relationship? maybe it is just time to figure out how to communicate with your partner more effectively.

[u5ername]

I mentioned that to him already...but it seems silly that a couple who has only been together a year has to go through counseling to make it doesn't it? Maybe not though...I feel like "we" have the things that make a relationship work...lacking a little trust though. We are the kind of couple that could be stuck in a traffic jam for hours and have fun and enjoy eachothers company. Where do you draw the line between love and incompatability?

[u5ername]

oh - yes...i think these issues may arrise again...He is the jealous and possesive one - I'm the wall putter-upper, it's lethal i tell you!

[annie24]

I definitely think you two could benefit from a few sessions with a counselor. you know, maybe learn how to "take down the walls" and tell him how you feel. And maybe he can learn how not to be so jealous.

[Scout]

One thing I am learning the hard way about relationships is that once an issue that results in seriously hurt feelings and anxieties comes up, it is very difficult for it to completely go away.

 

With that in mind, I went back over some of your other threads and saw there was a point in time where his ex was a cause of concern for you, because she wanted to rekindle things with him. You actually took a very mature step by a) asking him FIRST if you could talk to her and then b) when you did talk to her, were very adult about it and the situation seemed to resolve itself.

 

What I'm wondering is if that issue did indeed resolve itself, or are there doubts again based on something that has happened that has you worried about her and his relationship?

 

Also, you've mentioned in your other threads that he is controlling. I was wondering if you could give some specific examples, and also, let us know if there is any reason he might have to feel distrustful of you, too, as well?

 

Because issues like this don't go away unless they are seriously tackled head on by both parties, and you come to an understanding of what bounderies you both have to put in place to help bring trust back into the relationship. Of course, the boundaries need to be fair and not overly restrictive.