27 days NC - Update and a question inside

[Me and myself]

Where am I today?

After 27 days of NC...I'm felling a bit better...but that's just it...My last two days went more or less ok, I started to focus on my work and took the leadership in some issues...Anyway, I'm always thinking about the fact that my best male friend could be hanging out with her (just friends, I suppose). Today is friday and this is the day when I used to call him to go out at night. But now I don't feel like doing that again...I will try to know if he did it or not, trying to control what I can't and, at the same time, I'm feeling affraid that he might say that he's going out with her and that she really doesn't want anything from me more than friendship (which is stupid because I think she already made that clear - in these 27 NC days, she never called me).

I think I should talk to him about it... but no, I'm stucked here without knowing what to do and wanting to run away from him. He's the person with whom I used to spend the most time of my weekends and now I feel I can't do it. Also this is making me angry because I know if this was not happening I would move on quickly.

 

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

 

By other hand, even I feel more or less ok sometimes, when I read the post in this forum, I start to feel very sad and start to cry. Sometimes I think I'm strong enough to cope with this but suddenly I realise that I'm really far from that.

 

Thanks

[mikeca]

take up reading my friend, I was in a similar situation but it was a co-worker going out with her..so I knew I couldnt go out and handle this so I made a night in, better myself with every book I read. Eventually I was ready to go out, but its good to take some time from the weekend scene and collect yourself.

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

 

STOP thinking about her or him or them

 

START thinking about how you're regaining focus at work and have successfully taken on a leadership role and how well you're powering through with NC.

 

Also please do recognize that the post-breakup is very much a rollercoaster ride: some days, you feel like you're on the up and up only to feel like you're crashing the next day. The best would be, IMO, to take it day by day; celebrate your successes (good days) but also allow yourself to grieve (not-so-good days).

 

For the longest time, I felt as though the "break-up date" was etched into my brain and I felt really panicked as each day passed: ohmigosh, 8 days since NC started, 23 days, one month, etc etc...

BUT once I stopped counting, it made me feel a whole lot better.

 

I hope you feel better soon!

 

Best wishes,

Ellie

[Goldfish6888]

Don't be hard on yourself.

 

It will take some time to feel better.

 

But here is a little practical advice

 

If you feel crap...and everytime your thought pattern goes back to her or how things were just start to visualise how you life WILL BE.

 

1) See yourself HAPPY and in a really great fulfilling relationship.

Visualising is a great way to get yourself out of the thought pattern of...."if only"....and "how it was"....and remember when.Visualisation also helps us get out of negative thought patterns and sadness and feeling down

 

2) Write a list of all your good qualities. All the things she has missed and will miss out on. And you know what some other lucky gal is going to get to benefit from!

 

3) If you feel really tearful - take a run around the block.....and listen to some really energetic happy up music..on your iPOD..Nothing like breaking a sweat to let it all out of you.

 

4) Finally why not contact people who you haven't been in touch with for a while and arrange to meet up. It's often good to see people who don't know your ex and who you have neglected to see cos you've been really busy.

 

5) Take up something new. I took up surfing.....

 

Good luck. It all happens for a reason. Keep posting when you feel down....ENA is always here for you.

 

G FISH

[Me and myself]

I've been trying to cope with it the best way I can, or at least, the best way I think I can.

I recognize that now I'm starting to have some "not so bad days", when I can fix my mind in things other than my ex. I'm greatfull for this.

I've been posting a lot here, reading a lot, cry when I feel to.

I was able to do things differently when this break up occurred since I analized my relationship mainly from my side, my own issues. I know she had some issues too, and I know they made me feel insecure. So, instead of trying to understand why she was acting like that, I focused in my reactions only. I could identify them, tried to understand why I acted that way and how can I change it for the future.

This leads me to become "obcessed" about relationships psycology, reading a lot of articles and methods to improve myself (self-esteem and all that).

I'm now reading a well known book from John Gray that talks about the ways how men and women comunnicate differently (onething I was never been able to learn was how to interpretate correctly women's behaviours and words).

I've joined a band to play with but we still need a bassist and a guitar player so it doesn't have the activity levels I need.

I'm planning some country trips at the weekends. Planning to start jogging again....basically all this alone which I think will be good so that I canlearn how to stay alone a feel plesure with it (I've always been dependent on the company of others when I plan many of my activities).

But, in spite of that, I'm not shure if I'm doing things correctly to improve myself...I have the feeling I'm doing something wrong that is not allowing me to change as I want.

Maybe I'm doing this only to forget her, or maybe, deeply in my mind, to gain her back. Maybe I still have some hopes (I know I do even if I know I'm wrong) and I don't know how to finish them. Maybe I need some more evidences...hurt a little more. This is my self pity talking but I've been immersed in it for so many years that it's been difficult to make it go away...one thing is to move on, another is to move on and grow as a person.

[boston23]

Hi Me and Myself:

 

Sorry to hear you're down right now! This roller coaster ride is tiring, huh? Just remember that although you're feeling down right now, you have had those better days...look back at those posts you wrote for me! Your advice to me is exactly what you need to hear right now...just keep doing what you're doing.

 

Keep busy and give yourself time. In terms of doing new things, don't worry about your motives behind doing them for now. Sometimes I worry that everything I'm doing is because of my ex, because of the break up, or because I want him back (and I don't want to want him back!). I think that whatever the motives behind what you're doing, it's good to be busy. So what if you're only working out to make your ex want you back? Working out is going to make you feel better anyway, and at some point your reasons for working out won't have anything to do with your ex...it will b/c you want to feel good. If you take up salsa dancing only because your ex loves salsa, at some point when the break up isn't feeling bad anymore, either you will realize you hate salsa and quit, or you love salsa because it's actually really fun...and you will continue it only because you enjoy it. In the meantime, you've kept yourself busy.

 

Remember to have patience with all of this. Sometimes I feel great (as I do right now) and sometimes I feel that I really need that extra encouragement so I don't spend my day wallowing in my own tears (as I did when you gave me all of that great advice). Just remember that we're here for you...and that all of this bad stuff will pass!

[Me and myself]

...look back at those posts you wrote for me! Your advice to me is exactly what you need to hear right now...just keep doing what you're doing.

 

Hi boston 23

 

It seems when you are down, I'm up, and vice versa...we are desynchronized regarding this. But I think it works this way, insn't it? Those who feel good help those who feel bad.

I believe, as soon as time goes by, we will post more in the Dating and flirting forum section and, who knows, in the families and parenting, at last.

As you probably already noticed, today I'm feeling ok. I went to buy some books, drink a coffee, took a walk with my daughter by the sea side, watching the big waves crashing against the rocks...what an amazing show it was.

I've found very tranquilizing to be watching the furious see, it seems I was watching my own mind from the outside.

Tonight I'm planning to go out with a great friend of mine, dine out, go to a new bar where he might know some girls...just for the purpose to know someone new 'cause I don't feel to start any relationship right now.

Yesterday I was not feeling good...the other friend of mine, the one who I was thinking that was going out with my ex (see the initial post of this thread), call me to go out at night to watch some live music.

We talked about relationships but I never talked about what was bothering me but I believe he already understood what I was feeling 'cause he start to tell me that he didn't never have made any move to a male friend's girlfriend.

I don't know if the reason why he was telling that was the one I was thinking too...but anyway, now my ex is my ex and he's single so...

He asked me if my ex and her friend would accept to go on vacations with us next summer. He told me that he does't have any problem with that, that I might have a problem since I stoped talking to her. I din't said much about it but he is thinking that I might be angry with her, which I'm not. My answer to him was: "Did you talked to her?" but he didn't.

At last, he told me he was feeling me very strange, that it seems I was not feeling happy as I usually am, not talking that much. "It seems you're carrying all the world's problems on your back!", he said. "It will go away!" I've said.

Anyway, today I'm in a "Let time brings what he has to bring!" mood.

 

Thanks for "listening".