A lost cause in my family...

[pinksheep]

Thank goodness for this site...

 

I'll try to explain myself as well as possible without writing a novel [no guarantees though!]

This is my first time posting, so a little background info...I'm the typical [almost!] 19 year old...enjoys friends and parties, that kinda thing. Attended college for a couple months but went through a depression so I decided to take a break [school was never ever my thing anyway]. I've got a long distance boyfriend who's moving back soon thankfully . He's about all I've got going for me at this point.

 

Alright, I've got a decent sized immediate family, bigger than most, really. There seems to be an issue of two-facedness between everybody...except me. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I sure as the heck can't imagine talking crap about my own family, no matter how crazy they can get. It's been an ongoing problem for awhile, all this he-said she-said business. When somebody has a problem with somebody else, they don't go straight to that person to talk it out, they talk about it behind their back. It drives me insane...I don't see the point of it...I was pretty sure that everybody's lives aren't SO boring they have to talk crap about their own family. I got a call the other day from somebody saying "K [my sister-in-law whom I have the biggest problem with] said this-and-this about you and your mom."Well! That was the end of my rope...because I've been losing sleep over this problem. So I sent K a lengthy email, all the while very angry, telling her what I heard and also how I never appreciated her attitude, among a few other things I had a problem with. Okay, sent. I get a call today from my brother [her husband], and we majorly fought. Major. I stood up for my opinion but I also apologized once again for anything that I heard that wasn't true [i said that in the email, too].I also assured him that I did NOT single her out...I have gone off on my mom and my sister before for all the nonsense crap talking they do, that I don't want to hear. He let me know he's heard things from my "trusty sources" that I'm "a drunken sl*t that's going nowhere in life". Ouch.

 

I'm not sure exactly what my issue is...I'm in tears though right now. I guess I'm just in disbelief that somebody in my own family would call me that. Which for the record isn't true [i admit I do drink, but I don't skank around, and I plan on going to real estate school when I've got my finances figured out]. I'm also at a loss of what to do about my family...my brother and I were never that close, he's 7 years older. I honestly think this argument was the longest we've ever spoken to each other at one time. So now I'm hurt that he has the wrong impression of me. I'm also scared I won't be able to see my nephew and neice, and they have twins on the way, too. I don't know what the others in my family think about me right now...I don't know if my brother went off on them, too. Part of me just wants to cut myself off from the family...and I would do it if my sister wasn't getting married soon, that would just mess things up for her. I was always the black sheep in our family anyway. I'm constantly on the verge of tears now, and I'm afraid if it continues, it will affect my relationship with my boyfriend because that's all I've got on my mind. He willingly listens and makes me laugh and feel better for the time being, but I'm afraid to mention it too much.

 

I don't know if I'm looking for words of encouragement, or some sort of input, anything would be greatly appreciated. I apologize again for the length.

[g1234567890h]

My family used to do this. It's terrible. I think all families do this and to some degree it's normal to have a bit of turbulance.

 

I had to drop out of high school because I have bipolar disorder and I had an acute depressive episode during my senior year. I have since them rebuilt my life and now I teach preschool, go to college, write, and play music. I also broke down pretty much every barrier in my family. Now nobody talks about anyone behind their back. That's beacause I take care of my family. I make the rules around here. I'm 20 and living with my two sisters, one older and one younger, and my parent, yet I take care of pretty much all of their emotional lives. If my mom and dad have a fight, I make them reconcile. When my sister is having a problem with her boyfriend, I'm the one who picks up the pieces. People vent to me, I'm a buffer, and I solve problems.

 

I'm proud of you. You took a very brave step into putting an end to this nonesense. Right now you have to protect yourself from their words. Why should you care that they think you drink and sleep around? They don't know anything. If they do this to you, you have absolutely no reason to care what they think. I don't care what my family thinks of me. Why should I? Families are insane. I deal with them, but I really don't care what they think.

 

You're strong so you can handle it. Someday you'll be the one who everyone looks to for support because you know what you're talking about.

[pinksheep]

Thanks so much, I felt alot better after reading that. I can only hope that's how things work out, and I'm glad to hear things did for you, too.