Advice needed (very long)

[Radiohead]

Hi all,

 

Im 17 and i had been going out with my GF for 3.5 years. We met and started to go out when i was 13 and she was 13, in the summer of 2003. That is obviously a long time to go out for and espescially at that age, because time goes much slower when you are younger.

 

Anyway it all started last summer (2006) and i was going through a period of 'doubting' our relationship. I was beginning to feel restless and i wanted to see what the single life was all about. I started to flirt with other girls and i found i enjoyed it, whilst having the comfort of my gf aswell. One day after i came back from a school drama play where i was flirting, i went to her house and she said i have to tell you something. She said i dont think we should go out anymore and i was hurt and shocked. I kept saying why and she just said, it dont think it works anymore ( i think). I walked out and she then pleaded with me to not go. Sadistically, i enjoyed this and for that whole month( june) i treated her like and was messing her about. I kept flirting but eventually after all the fun had went away, i had an empty feeling. I thought about this alot in my spare time, and i came to the conclusion that i want her back, and i didn't feel as happy in the single life as with her. So we got back together and stuff and were happy.

 

That is until she went on holiday to iceland for 2 weeks and i really missed her. When she came back i got annoyed because i didn't see her much atol in july and her gran had just died when she was away on holiday and i treated her like when she got back, not giving her space to mourn and i felt angry because of all that had happened and that the summer was wasted.

I acted like a child when she wanted to see me alot to make up for not seeing me much in june and july because of what had happened, and i refused like a little child.

 

We split up again because she thought that i had changed and i wasn't the guy she used to love ( she was right). This was august and i found out that she was going out with another guy and i was in hell. I had changed in the weeks from her dumping me from me being a complete a, to the way i used to be... nice. Unfortuatley she didn't know that i had changed and i felt like and i went very emotional to being the most angry i have ever been and really upset. We started talking again and they had split up, and so we talked and talked and after a while i asked her out after she wanted to.

 

Things were good until she went away on holiday to south africa for 2 weeks and then came back compeletly different. This was november and she acted really distant to me and dumped me because her exams were stressing her and how she coulden't have a bf during this time. I then found out that she was flirting with this guy behind my back, and i thought they were going out. They weren't but i felt really hurt. We went back out again in december and it was good for a while again, until i thought she was acting cold and distant towards me again and i wanted to talk to her.

 

This was january of this year and it really was very confusing. We split up and she was wanting me back. Then she didn't want me back citing that we werent working anymore and exams again etc. Then she said she did want to go out again and then not again. I then found out that she was really close with this guy from work and they had been going to each others houses and on her myspace she had pics of them both in really speculative positions for just being friends. I heard from my 3 friends that they had seen them both down the shopping center holding hands and hugging.

 

We now come to the dilemma ( Took awhile!) She insists that they arent going out, even after referring to him as a boy.friend to other people on myspace etc. During this time i was hurt again and i wanted to move on because i didnt think it could ever be the same again, and i (stupidly) asked out this girl who i had been friends with and i liked a wee bit. Before i had asked her out though, my exgf didn't want me back and i asked this girl out because of this, but as soon as she heard that we were going out, she changed her mind and proffessed her love to me.

 

This is just now, and i realise that she is very special to me. I know that i am only 17 and im very young for this sort of thing, but i feel very happy when im with her. I just feel at peace and i know im not the sort for the single life... i dont have the right mind or good enough body for it etc. She makes me happy every second when im with her and i really very much doubt i could feel the same again. I just cant explain the connection we have. We say thing almost at the same time and we are just very close people. She is actually quite spiritual to me in the sense that i feel very connected to all that there is .

 

The thing is... Im already going out with this girl, and it would hurt her very much to dump her for my exgf . I think she is a rebound even though i said she isnt. I do have feelings for her but its nowhere near the same as for my exgf. My exgf feels the same way as me... that she wants to be with me because she will never be as happy again.

 

My post is really quite bad in terms of structure and stuff sorry lol, but im not very good at translating whats in my head to written form. Its really long and if it doesnt get to the point or you have any questions about it then feel free! i would be happy to answer them. Also it doesnt convey atol how special she is to me, so just to let you know, she really is lol. And the reason for being long is to give you all a bit of background so that you can objectivley advice me

 

Many thanks

 

Craig

[KittyKat99]

WOW

lols

thats pretty crazy

what i recommend you do before even considering dumping this new gf is trying to remember exactly why you and your ex broke up before

because chances are

these same problems will come up again

and you have to know ahead of time how you are going to deal with them

or you might end up breaking up yet again

 

also

considering this long history of breaking up and getting back together

are you sure its going to work this time?

or are you just setting yourself up to be hurt again?

[Radiohead]

Thanks for the objective opinion. It helps alot to have that

 

Yes well we always used to break up because i was jealous or i enjoyed seeing her hurt over silly arguments and dumping her to see how much she cares, which of course is terrible but i have changed and i no longer do that.

 

I think that if we went out again then it would have to be a real big change from both of us. She would have to show that she loves me much more openley as she is quite shy in that respect. And i would have to learn not to get jealous quite as easily. There are other things aswell, but they are only minor things that are easily sorted out in comparison to my jealousy and her shyness of showing love.

 

I dont know why i love her so much but i do, and i feel that if we just worked at it the right way, then things would change.

 

The only thing is that i would feel real terrible dumping this new Gf because she knows the history of me and my ex, and she felt intimidated before hand, and now that we are going out it would damage her self esteem maybe? There are alot of things that would hurt her though. I just really dont like hurting anyone. Especially this new gf.

 

My family and friends also say that my ex is just messing with my mind and that i should just move on. But they do not know the intense love that i feel for my ex. She feels exactly the same way as me... she even wants to spend her lif with me... I know that at 17 and from an objective pov it sounds rediculous these things, but i cannot help how true love affects me. There really is no better thing than being with her.

[KittyKat99]

well

if you are POSITIVE that you love her

and youse guys are willing to try again

then maybe you should try

 

about the new gf

good luck with that

its always hard to dump someone

you are probably going to feel guilty no matter what

but rest assured that you are doing the right thing

because if you don't really love her

then you aren't doing her a favor by continuing the relationship

she will come to respect the fact that you ended it when you did

hope all goes well ^^

[Radiohead]

Well she says that she gets on very well with him (lets say his name is john) and he makes her laugh and she feels more comfortable with him and is can open up more. She thinks he is nice looking and stuff, but she says he is more like a big brother to her.

 

I am so confused. I am quite hurt because there was never anyone else like this in her life except me and i feel like he is better than me even though she says he isnt.

[Radiohead]

I have 3 options open to me.

 

1. I go back out with my ex who i love beyond what words could describe, and i lose all my friends and i would only have her. People give us dirty looks etc when we are down the shopping center. She loses most of her friends and only has me really.

 

2. I stay with my current gf who i do like, but nowhere as near as my ex. My best friends are best friends with my gf so we are all like a big family. But everyday i stilll want my ex back and think about her.

 

3. I stay with my current gf, but eventually we stop going out and i meet up with my ex and we go out again. This could be up to a few months or a year even, before i go out with her again.

 

Any advice?

 

Thanks

[Radiohead]

Anyone have anything to say about it?

[Radiohead]

Ah forget it. She prefers chris after me dumping my gf for her. After bloody saying things in text messages like i miss you , and saying i want to spend my life with you. So now i have no gf and she is now going out with this guy.

 

How can someone who was so sweet and loving to me change like that? Change in the space of a day?

 

AHHHHHHHHH