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How to stop your self starting. - Please Help

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having looked at the posts here a running trend seems to be "If I were to give anyone advise it would be not to start" when talking about self-injury.


Well - I'm at that point where you can give me that advice. Over the last few months the urge and need to hurt myself has been increasing. I haven't had anything like this severe since I was sixteen, eight years ago.


I almost constantly want to stab / scratch and cut myself to the point of constantly being on the look out for sharp objects.


Most of the time exercising until my muscles hurt helps (which doesn't take long as I'm over weight and very unfit) but it doesn't always help.


My SO says he will leave me if I EVER do anything like that as he can't cope with it. He is a very loving and understanding person but he loves me too much to see me do that. This feels very unfair sometimes as a very close friend of ours (mainly his though) is always self injuring and to a huge extent and he copes with that. But then he manages to distance him self from her so he can cope.


I was thinking about using elastic bands as a substitute but my SO thinks this is as bad as SI itself. As in it's the first step on the ladder.


Any advice appreciated. I'm not sure what else to try at the moment. :sad:





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it's addictive, if you start.... it will be hell to stop.....

Figure out what the reasons are....as to why you want to hurt yourself?

search yourself, because i think what you are feeling is pain on the inside that you project on outside.

You have a lot to lose if you begin & nothing to gain. Remind yourself everytime you have the feelings....then distract yourself.

Pray. pray everytime you feel the urge, ask God to removed it & replace it with peace.. Love yourself. Realize that You are too valueable & precious to hurt.

You wouldn't want someone else doing this to you...please don't do it to yourself. You set the example for how others can treat you.

You have so much to lose. Please be smart about this. Be strong. Every temptation we are given a way out. Take the road that betters your life & keeps the man who cares so much for you.

I wish you happiness

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hey, my advice is to talk about whatever it is that makes you want to hurt yourself. I have stopped self harming for about a month since i have started see someone. I know it sounds like a big deal and you probably dont want to cause a fuss but the thing is this IS a big deal wether you want to make a fuss over it or not.

Firstly, is it worth risking your relationship with your SO just for this? If you dont want to talk to a therapist, talk to him/her, i'm sure they'll appreciate you going to them as opposed to you self harming.

You may think that these urges just come out of nowhere but by talking to someone, they can help you realise why you feel angry/frustrated/sad etc.

The thing is self harm doesnt solve anything. It's like a scab that's really itchy and when you scratch it it feel better temporarily. BUT afterwards the scab doesnt heal faster but slower; and instead of healing well, you're left with scars. The scars are the worst part. You're left with them for life. I'm 18 and i cant go anywhere without wearing somthing that covers my arms. i cant wear Tshirts, can go to the beach, swim....so many things.


i am pleading for you not to do this. please don't. There is so much that you'll be losing and nothing you will be gaining. please think on what i have said.

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Please i know the urges but don't start, don't go down that path.


I read this email a while ago and i wish i could find it for you but i can't so i'll just tell you about it. It basicaly went into everything you will do once you start SIing. Things like drawing away from people, constintly trying to cover scars and having to wear long pants and long sleaved shirts even in the summer. I've been part of that life for 3 years... Don't waste your life. Once you start you will never be treated the same. Friends will back away and not want to be apart of your life and the few who stay you will push away. You'll be left alone. Then when you stop (if you can find a way to which is possible but can take a very long time) people will always be watching you and still talking about you. You'll always be talked about and some of those scars may never fade.


So darl if you don't want to lose your friends or your partner please don't go there. He is right that the rubber band can then lose effect and you'll want something more painfull (just my opinion though). Talk about whats wrong. Talk about whats making you do this. Write about it, anything but don't go to SI. It makes for problems for the time being but when you remember they hurt more, plus you've then got more things to worry about.


Good luck and please keep us posted, let us help.

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Thanks for these.


It helps.


I'm not sure how I will be able to talk about it to - I'm not sure I have anyone who can hear. But I think I might start writing. That way I may be able to get the things out with out hurting anyone else any further.


The odd thing is that the prospect doesn't seem all that bad - it feels like it's not a big deal and every one else is making a fuss. Is that normal?


Rozi - I suppose I can see what you're saying with regard to the rubber band - as much as part of me doesn't want to!


You guys are great - I can't remember how I found this place but I'm so glad I did!


If anyone else can think of other things to stop me from doing things please don't hesitate to let me know.



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The odd thing is that the prospect doesn't seem all that bad - it feels like it's not a big deal and every one else is making a fuss. Is that normal?


Oh yes that is normal. That's exactly how i felt when I started cutting & how I started meth. At the time you begin, it really doesn't seem like a big deal. And maybe it won't be if it was only a one time thing.......BUT it's what comes after the first time that makes it a big deal. And it ALL starts with the first time.

The first time, quickly leads to a second & third...and just like everything else, it gets easier & easier each time..... it becomes far more often & far worse than you ever thought. That is why everyone makes a fuss. Most of us have seen it happen to someone close to us or to ourselves.


Writting is an amazing release. poetry, art, boxing bag..anything that helps release whats inside of you in a constructive manner.

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Oh so true flower99, Seriously people make a fuss over it because they know what you are getting yourself into. They know what it can cause. Sure for now it looks like an easy way to get rid of the pain for a little while. But soon it will be another cause for pain.You'll know what you're doing is wrong but have no idea how to fight it. So trust me this is a big deal.

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It's still hard to believe that it's a big deal but I suppose you lot are the ones to know. You've been there - I haven't!


I'm still finding it hard to pick up anything sharp without the obvious running through my mind. In fact i can't handle anything such as a knife or drawing pin with out wishful thoughts. But, I was really busy over the weekend with housework and stuff and it managed to keep things off of my mind.


Monday has not been so great - I didn't get a good nights sleep and woke up feeling anxious and stressed and generally bad. So the thoughts and feelings are back.


Please if you have anything to add any more thought's or ideas how I can keep the thought and urges from becoming reality please add to this thread. I wont be posting for a while on this screen name but I will be looking in as often as I can.


Thanks for your help So far I'm looking writing and possible painting and various types of exercise.


I think I now know that it's feeling a lack of control that causes these urges - when I feel bad but don't see what else I can do. I just now have to workout ways of getting past that.


I'm going to get a stress ball or something and I've bought a note book for writing in.


Do you think that compulsively picking scabs and spots and pulling out leg hairs is related to this or would you think that was something different? How would you know??


Thanks for your advice, opinions and wisdom both already any any to come. If I don't reply it's not because I'm not thankful or anything it's just that I can't.



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I think I now know that it's feeling a lack of control that causes these urges - when I feel bad but don't see what else I can do. I just now have to workout ways of getting past that.


Great observation. When is it that you generally feel the lack of control???? When do you feel bad? And what makes you feel bad?? That you feel you have no control over???


I'm going to get a stress ball or something and I've bought a note book for writing in

Awesome!!! writing and art were my greatest release....even if it didn't sound good or look 'good', it just felt awesome to get it out say what I want to say...And to see the colors and feel it all, amazing feeling at times espcially with music that you connect to. And really you control it all. And if it means something to you..it's Beautiful.

and just recently I got a boxing bag...that one really helps too


Do you think that compulsively picking scabs and spots and pulling out leg hairs is related to this or would you think that was something different? How would you know??

Not sure how to know if it's related. I guess you'd have to look at the reasons you do it....Do you do it to feel the pain?

I used to pick at scabs & spots...but i think it was because I didn't like them & wanted them gone.... or maybe because I liked the pain, I've never given it much thought

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Hey. I'm new here but I normally go on link removed - I suggest having a look on their main site, even if you don't register with the forum. They have a lot of information there and I believe that the email someone mentioned before about the bad things about starting self harm is posted on there too. Also a lot of articles. It is a fantastic site.


I wish I had never started - and yet there is a part of me that is glad I did. Because it has helped me through alot, as well as dragged me down. It really does become an addiction and is so incredibly hard to fight it, you sound like you are doing very well - and you should be proud of yourself. Keep doing what you are doing, if you can get past these feelings without starting to cut yourself then you are on the right path.

Thing with cutting, for me anyway - is that yes. It relieves the tension, makes you feel better for all of two maybe 5 minutes. But then the guilt creeps in. The feeling of oh crap what am I going to do to hide it this time? You become secretive, and you feel even more alone than you did already, because now you have this thing you need to hide from everyone so they don't take you as a freak. And pretty soon, the one or 2 cuts aren't enough and everything spirals completely out of control. It won't be long before you iuse it to cope with everything, however small it might be, because you have taken to it to solve problems, its almost as though you have forgotten how to deal with normal everyday things. You look at it like a friend, while your friends wonder why you never go out, or why you are acting so strangely, and why you are always wearing long sleeves when its 100 degrees in the shade.


Please, just don't start. As hypocritical as it might seem, when I have JUST said there is a part of me that is glad I turned to it....theres a bigger part of me that regrets it and I hate to think of anyone going through it. Avoid it if you possibly can.

Take care of yourself.


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Your S.O. is right, using elastic bands would just be the first step on the ladder, and I would not recommend it. I am happy to say that I am almost a fully recovered cutter, but when I began it was just with little things. I remember I would have a bad day, grab and scissor and stare at it...just begging myself to get the courage to use it. Then a few minutes later, I'd ask myself what the heck am I doing and put it away. It only took a few weeks of doing that until I had a REALLY bad day, so I grabbed a needle and scraped it accross my arm.

It STILL scares me to this day how good that felt to me. It was like the pain I was feeling on the inside just came out, but it ended up being SO not worth it. Soon it progressed to scissors, then knives, then razors...anything that I could use. I had so many problems with my parents, I was depressed, and a lot of my boyfriends broke up with me for it. I eventually ended up taking pills and earned myself a night and day in a hospital with old women puking all around me. I then earned 2 nights and one day in a mental institution, which was a nightmare in itself.

Trust me, you do not want that life. I am NINETEEN going on 20 years old...I am not a old person at all, and I could have enjoyed my youth and my high school years by seeking help instead of going through this!

I definitely think that you should get a counselor or a therapist, because if you are having the urges now...then the actual thing isn't very far away. Cutting is like cancer...it starts with a little and then it spreads, but if you catch it early you can beat it. A therapist can help you talk about the reasons why you feel like doing this, and can help you get over the urges to self harm.

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