Help me get over the final hurdle

[finewhine]

I feel as though healing from my breakup from my 3.5 year relationship may finally be at a close. It's been nine months since the relationship ended. There are still some lingering thoughts, of course, but nothing preoccupying me. I'm certainly not upset about the relationship anymore.

 

My question is for those of you who consider yourselves recovered from a major breakup: how can I tell if I'm over it? Is there a litmus test I can put my feelings through? Is there something I can do to achieve final closure?

 

I would like to achieve a clear demarcation between now and the past. I've already deleted all the e-mails, thrown everything away (or put it in storage), slept with someone else, said my final goodbyes... in short, I'm pretty sure I'm over this. It's a story in my life. It ended. But all the pain I went through seems so damn important that I want to honor it, you know? Recovering from that blow was such a life-changing experience that I want to celebrate the end and that it happened and it ended.

 

Any suggestions?

[Orlander]

Yes, you aren't over it yet. You listed all the actions and posted this thread about getting over your ex, but if you were over him completely you wouldnt care enough to even remark on your progress.

 

You will know you are over him when you are over him. It's probably not the answer you were looking for, but it's the truth.

 

One day, I promise you, you won't even care to comment and any memories you have of your ex will act more as a frame of reference for past events than intense love you once shared or the heartache that followed.

 

Just give it time and stop counting the months.

 

 

Orlander

[finewhine]

Aw, Orlander, why did you have to be such a buzzkill????

 

You're right, though! Dammit!

 

TIME? Aaagh! Surely there's something more proactive I can do???

[Orlander]

I know that feeling of "wow, I am doing so much better!!!" but it doesnt mean you are out of the forest yet.

 

Just be patient. You can help by training your mind to think about the negative aspects of the relationship or better yet, not thinking about him at all.

 

Just have confidence and faith in yourself that you will be over him one day and you will go on to find a better love. You have to want it and be patient.

 

I promise you, it's right around the corner if you want it to be.

 

 

Orlander

[nilli]

Maybe you really are at the final hurdle but, feeling down for so long, you are feeling so well that it feels noticably different and you've become mistrustful about being ok?

 

Wild guess!

 

At any rate, you suggest you want to celebrate, and not mourn, the end of that 'life changing' experience.... go out on the town and savour the good feelings.