Gracelove Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I'm soooo depressed. I eat constantly. I go to the vending machine constantly at work, like a robot. I eat absent-mindedly. It's not even about the food or weight anymore. I'm just really unhappy. I frequently have to blink back tears while sitting at my computer at work. My boyfriend may be away for a year and a half. He doesn't want me to come and live where he is. And he keeps saying that he'll come up here "soon". But he period of time that he'll be away keeps increasing. I feel so rejected. I'm just not where I want to be at all. And I don't know where to go or what to do. I just feel like crying. I have nothing else I can say to him. Everything is out of my control. I wish my job was more physically demanding. I could move around a lot and keep my mind occupied. It seems the only way to distract myself at work is by taking a walk to the vending machine. Work is okay when I'm kept busy. But half of the time there isn't work to do, yet I have to act like I'm busy. So I day dream, about my less than promising future. About how I would like to decorate the apartment I'll have with my boyfriend...although it looks unlikely. Or how maybe one day I'll enjoy going to work because I'll actually have a happy life outside of work to balance it. Or I think about how I have to go to my school to work out papers associated with graduation. And I hate that place to much. And I don't want anyone to see me because I look so horrible compared to the way I did before. And I'm embarrased, and I feel broken, and I half told myself that I wouldn't have to go through this anytime soon. Orginally I didn't care about the date on my diploma, I just wanted to be finished with classes. I wanted to receive my diploma in the mail, that was going to be my gift to myself. But I've allowed my parents to guilt me into going back to the place I hate most, sitting through a long and boring ceremony next to people I don't know, and plastering a fake smile on my face while they enjoy themselves at my expense once more. And if it weren't bad enough that I had to go back to graduate, now I have to make an extra trip to apply for graduation. My school is all about appearances. On the website it has a link where you can apply for graduation......more false promises. It is totally bogus and has dates for 2001 and 2010!!!! I called the registrars office and guess what she told me? "We don't do applications for graduation online". Ya think?! Then why to you have that option 'availble' online when you know full-well it's B.S.? I'll tell you why, because they want to decieve prospective students and their parents. This is not and isolated occurrence, it's quite ordinary. Anywho, it's too much. How much am I suppose to take, deal with? What am I suppose to do? Suggestions anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.