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Propose or leave it alone?


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Well in order to get the full picture here, I guess I have to tell the whole story.

 

Fred and I dated in High School, fell madly in love and got engaged. Being that I was only 17 at the time and Fred was 19, my parents were against the marriage taking place at such a young age. As a typical, in love, seventeen year old would do, I rebelled against my parents.

 

My mother found a note one time that said we would go out of state and get married because I was a minor and a minor could not get married in our state.

 

My mother finding that note put a real damper on Fred and my relationship to say the least. We had to have supervised visitations and it really got to be a bummer.

 

I broke up with Fred and gave back the ring.

 

Time went on and a couple of years later I had looked Fred up, but it was too late, he had already gotten married, so I went on with my life.

 

Then about four years later, Fred called me and told me his wife had cheated.

I felt bad for Fred but thought finally I would once again have my chance with him. Well as it turned out, Fred forgave his wife and tried to work it out.

Once again, I moved on.

 

Two years later Fred had run into my father and told him he had just got divorced. He asked what I was up to and sadly my father told him that I had just got married.

 

Six years later it was my turn, I had just got divorced and wanted to see what Fred was up to, well once again, Fred had just got married for a second time.

 

Once again, I moved on.

 

Fast forward ten years..........

 

I am out looking for an apartment so I can leave my latest bad relationship and I happen to drive past this guy who is out in his front yard pulling weeds. The guy turns to look at me, and I thought to myself "Wow that guy kinda looked like Fred".

 

I got about five houses past his and I guess you could say I took a leap of faith and whipped my car around. Sure enough it was Fred.

 

We ended up talking for about three hours and decided to go out and talk that night.

 

Everything went right back to 21 years earlier, it was love all over again and this time even better. I moved in two weeks later and it has been absolute heaven ever since. That was eight months ago.

 

All I can say is that I love this guy to death. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man and he says the same about me. He tells me that the way it happned, it must be meant to be.

 

Problem is, he's jaded by his first two wives. One cheated and one was a drunk.

 

I want to marry him so bad, I guess you could say even more so than the first time we were engaged.

 

I know this guy is gun shy and his last divorce is coming up on one year

 

There has been some "small" talk about marriage like when a Kay Jewelers commercial comes on T.V. but nothing more serious than that.

 

I waited, hoping for a ring at Christmas but nothing happened, then my birthday went by and again, no ring.

 

I keep hoping and hoping, but I just got to say to myself, maybe it never will. Maybe he's ruined. Although he says marriage doesn't scare him, he still thinks most women are just a bunch of cheating, drunk liars.

 

What to do, I love him!

 

Ask him?

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Yeah you could ask him. I'm guessing you are reading things right and he is gun shy of marriage (I know I was after my marriage ended), so you have to weigh up how he might respond. 8 months is not a really long time so maybe it will need some more time.

 

But what a great story (the part about finally getting your timing right).

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This is a tough post, especially for me as someone who has never been married. I came close to engagement with someone who had recently got a divorce (separated for at least 1 year prior). Three rebound relationship later, I met the one I was set to marry and we canceled the wedding 3 weeks prior (painful story altogether... A few attempts at getting back together went south.

Well, female #1 came back into the picture (had not seen her in 2 years), and we got back together. All small world suff. I have been going out with her for about 3 months now, and there is word on where we are going. I can honestly say that it' incredible to have the opportunity to discover the ability to see her again. In many ways, things have slipped though. My feelings fer her are just not as strong as they were a few years ago...

 

What's changed? Time, us... It's like we want all of the same things, but it could be a number of the feelings that I had for her a few years ago are gone. We maybe have changed as people...

 

Timing has a lot to do with when you meet someone and what mental state that they are in. Those are 2 things that as I move forward in relationships.

 

I guess the interview prcess just gets longer. I got bit "womennotknowingornotreadyforwhattheywant syndrome"

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Congratulations on finding each other. That's an awesome story!

 

I'm going to buck the trend here and suggest that you wait. You love each other, and an engagement will probably happen within the next couple of years, so why force it after just 8 months? Enjoy his company, give him time to get over the bad taste in his mouth (at least past the one-year mark of his divorce), and develop the intimacy with you and trust in the relationship that will allow you--as a couple--to have an honest conversation ABOUT this very topic. If you can't talk about a lifelong commitment to one another openly, but are sitting on your hands nervously and excitedly waiting for him to surprise you like you're a 16 year-old kid and he holds the keys to the car, the time might not be right. Excitement is fantastic, but it's not the wisest emotion to propel this kind of action. Forcing his hand, so to speak, may not turn out the way you hope.

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