what do i do?

[sunnystar]

wellllll...... i have this dilema. i know my boyfriends passwords. he is aware that i know them, but not really that i check them. i looked at his outgoing mail and he was asking someone for consideration an a certain responsibility on a website. i was thinking how great that was and i kept reading on and then read that "since i am only a student, dont have a job, and recently departed from someone that took up all my free time i deseve this responsibility" WHAT? what does that mean? so do i tell him i saw it and it hurt my feelings and risk him changing all his passwords and hiding things from me, not saying a word and letting it go, or something totally not one of those two things?

[Lboogie23]

i'm a little confused, is he still your boyfriend? Did you two just move away from each other?

 

Because unless any of those are true, i don't see how he could have been referring to you. Is it possible that he was talking about something else that you might not know about?

 

thats the thing about snooping, you have to be able to rationally deal with whatever you find, and if you can't then i say eyes off. Its not fair for you to confront him bc he will probably only be mad that you were prying.

And it may not even mean what you are thinking it means.

 

My advice is, stop checking your bf email. Everyone deserves their privacy.

[Hope75]

You should not be checking his email. That is his private correspondance and doing so is a major violation of his trust.

 

Why are you checking it?

 

Do you trust him?

[chai714]

Instead of checking his emails, check out Clink removed or other employment website. It's probably not a good idea to work for your boyfriend because your employment would be dependent on your relationship.

 

And stay out of his stuff. Keep busy doing other things. If you don't think you can, send him an anonymous email stating "you should change all of your passwords. You don't know me, but your passwords have been compromised."

[sunnystar]

i know all his passwords because he has cheated before. we have not broken up. i dont work for him

[chai714]

So you knowing his passwords prevents him from cheating?

 

Does checking up on him make you feel more secure?

[sunnystar]

yes and yes

[Meow18]

The main problem you are having is not only are you snooping, but you don't know how to even bring up something that bothers you that you find.

 

I don't think snooping is right, but if you just ignore what you are feeling based on what you find, then what's even the point?

 

If you can't trust him, or if you feel insecure about the relationship, then that's a good sign that something isn't right. It's not healthy.

[ghost69]

i think you should just break up. obviously he is a cheater, you know this already. why are you with him then? plus, the fact that you have to go behind his back for your own personal security to find out if he is cheating or not is a huge lack of trust. you shouldn't be having to do this. if he finds out that you are, i'm sure he might break up with you. if you tell him, you may be history. i'd still say leave and get out of this relationship regardless of what that email means.

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[Honey_30]

i dont see the big deal about you knowing his passwords.. he knows you have them so he would be expecting you to take a look.so just tell him you looked and ask him what he meant by that comment..it might not mean what you think.

[Hope75]

I am unsure why you think that:

 

a. policing his actions is going to keep him from cheating, and...

 

b. you would want to be with someone whom you have constantly watch because you cannot trust him not to cheat.

 

Why are you settling for someone like that?

 

Do you think it's normal and healthy to have to constantly spy on your bf to make sure he's not cheating? Is this how you imagined your dream relationship?

[ghost69]

also, along those lines of knowing all about him now....are you going to do this to guys in the future. i mean it is good that you found this stuff out, but now you are going to always be paranoid.

 

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