Why am I so paranoid all the time?

[saebenne]

So I've been dating a wonderful guy for two months. After only two or three weeks of dating he asked me to be his girlfriend and that we not see other people. I think he really does like being alone sometimes but I keep taking it personally. I really don't think he wants to break up or anything. I just want to know what's normal amount of time to spend together. We usually spend one or two nights a week together and then Saturday and Sunday night. I'm just used from my last relationship to spending every single night together. Is it okay to not spend every night together even if we are "offical"? That might sound stupid but I'm not the best at the relationship thing. Just need some advice because I've been driving myself crazy over it!

[HyruleGuardian]

There really is no set time to spend together. Whenever my girlfriend and I have a day off or free time we usually hang out or do something. Other times we might only see each other twice a week. It really depends.

 

I wouldn't be too worried.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

It's a personal thing. I'm happy spending only weekends with my boyfriend -- anything more than that is too much (I sometimes wonder what I'm going to do about this when we're married LOL).

 

My best friend's boyfriend always wants to see her -- and it annoys her SO much. She (and I as well) is just that type of person who needs alone time. It doesn't mean he doesn't like or love you. It's just how he is, so I'd say that you should try to accept this because it's not something you can change about him.

[caro33]

Yes I agree, the 3-4 nights you're talking about sounds fine, don't worry!

 

Do you lead busy lives? That will have an impact also.

 

I know that with my relationship we went into spending 6 nights a week together after just three weeks or so, and it was too intense for me. I had never spent time like that - I was used to 2 nights a week max for such early days in a relationship. I am also an alone time person and in hindsight I should have stood my ground and stuck with 3-4 nights maximum in those first few months. And I was very happy with him, it was just my needs adjusting more slowly than his.

 

It all worked out (got married a few months ago) but it did take me real time to get used to things. You need to adjust your timetables and be gentle with one another, which I'm sure you know.

 

I think that if you guys are happy and having fun that the time you're describing sounds perfect.

 

Gorgeous puppy by the way.

[Goblin]

It really depends on both parties to agree on a comfortable amount of time. Time spend together and space must be well balanced somehow so you wont have conflicts.

 

At the early stage if you spend too much time together, you might make a mistake of setting each other high standard of expectations...and when you get less than whats 'normal', things can turn ugly.

 

So try to balance between spending time together and having your alone time or w friends. If your bf does not allow you to see other people, then hes a possessive guy! Its not wrong to meet other friends, new or old as long as ure honest w each other and its not a 'date'!

 

Just imagine if you spend too much time together before marriage, youll end up bored and tend to spend lesser time together when married! So dont keep ur friends aside once ure in a relationship. Spend as much time as well with them but of course ur bf comes first in most occasions. At the later stage of a relationship even marriage, both of you have all the time in the world my friend!

 

I often see my gf twice on weekdays, once in a weekend. occasionally three times on weekdays and none on weekend. And very seldom, twice on weekdays and Sat and Sun as well. Theres no real calculations to it. Both of you have ur own life and schedule but always fit his into yours as well. He can do your things with you sometimes and you can do the same too.

 

Its all abt time management! Good luck!

[amystar]

I think that it depends on your schedule. My boyfriend and I are both in grad school and work 20+ hours per week. We see each other at school 2-3 times a week and then Friday is "our day" when we spend most of the day together. I would certainly like to see him more but our schedules just don't really permit it at this time. We live about 30 miles apart and the last thing either one of us wants to do on a weeknight after an exhausting day of school and work is drive 30 miles to be with each other for only an hour or two so for now we're both happy with what we have.

 

I think you are fine 3-4 nights a week is great!

[Kalika]

3-4 nights a week sounds pretty good to me!