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My parents hate him because he's so old...what do i do?


aNnAeLiZaBeTh
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I'm 17 (I'll be 18 in three weeks) and my boyfriend is 24. I've always been a really good kid, i've always obeyed my parents, and all that other stuff. but three and a half months ago, i met kyle through a good friend and we really hit it off. we've been together ever since. he's now my boyfriend and my parents HATE him because he's so old. but i finally put my foot down and basically said "look, im gonna do what i wanna do, and you cant stop me." and they're SO pissed about that. now my mom wont let me drive to his house or anything and stuff and i just don't know wut to do!! i feel like im old enough to make my own mistakes and i just wish they would let me learn for myself!! please help...

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What is the legal age of consent where you live?

YOu're still not 18 i'd be very careful telling your parents what you did until you are 18 years of age and know for sure this guy can't get into trouble. As far as what to do there isn't much you can do until you are 18. I cant personally say much about the age gap as I dont see a problem with it because my bf and I are 7 years apart and I was 16 when we started dating and he was 23 but just be careful and find out the legal age of consent in your state so you arent risking this guy getting into trouble by bad mouthing your parents. Otherwise the only thing you can do is NICELY explain to your parents you like this guy, if he treats you nice tell them that and let them meet him.

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They are being unfair.

I personally cant see what a 24 year old would want from a 17 year old, but each to their own and as long as you arent being taken advantage of I dont see the problem

 

I suppose you are just going to have to get them to meet this guy and let him win them over

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I think you're right; you are old enuff to make your own mistakes.

 

At the same time, I can see why they are upset.

 

Think for a moment if you had a daughter who was 17, and if she had a boyfriend who was 24. Would you be okay with that?

 

Now my bestfriend is 26 dating an 18 year old, and has been dating her since she was 16. I wasn't okay with it, but its not my place. I guess you dating a 24 year old isn't the biggest deal in the world, but still I wouldn't be okay with it.

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I can definetly see where you are coming from in this situation.

 

I firmly believe that if this guy is for real, a nice guy who isn't trying to take advantage of you and wants to be with you for well thought out reasons, then you should continue to try and get your parents to understand.

 

try and show them that he's a great guy.

 

make sure that he's worth risking your parents approval and that you aren't using him to act out against your parents. if he's not, make your parents realize that you are ready to commit to such a relationship.

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I understand you are angry... but I can see where your parents are coming from..

 

I have a younger brother who is 24 and if he was dating a 17 year old kid... I would roll my eyes and know that he is not in it for any type of relationship...

 

My opinion... what is a guy who is old enough to be done grad school doing with a teenager.

 

Lots of people will say 'age is only a number' and "maybe they are the same maturity level'

 

but personally i agree with your parents... its more from this boy's point of view... i don't see what on earth he would want to do hanging out with a teen... and if he was more immature than other guys his age (which I think he would have to be if he was looking to go out with someone your age) why would you want someone that immature anyway.

 

I can only speak from personal experience.. but I know when I was 18.. even 19 , I thought 24 was too old for me.

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While this is the case in most age gap relationships, I tend to disagree with the "i dont see what on earth he would want to do hanging out with a teen" because I have been in a relationship for 3, almost 4 years now and I know not all older guys are just in it for certain things, my bf (Who is very mature and responsible not Immature as most would assume) who is 26 (i'm 19) even though he's 7 years older than me we get along great and have a great relationship as well as have a child together and for us it isn't about age, its about love you can't help who you fall in love with and as long as its legal who should say if its right or wrong?

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^^ thats fine... I'm just saying what I think. I think situations like yours are few and far between.

 

i just remember when I was 17 or 18 i wouldn't have wanted anything to do with a guy much older than 20... who knows...as I said.. I can only comment on my personal experience and those that I've seen around me

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I have exactly the same age gap with my boyfriend. I'm 17, he's 24. My parents were pissed at first, but after meeting him, they liked him. It also helped that the legal age of consent here is 16, so they allowed me to make my own mistakes. You really should have waited until you were 18 to tell them.

 

Even so, they can't physically stop you from driving to his house. Don't let them get in the way of your relationship because of the age gap that will mean nothing in 10 year's time.

 

And after reading your last post, inviting my boyfriend down to dinner was how he won over my parents =P I hope it goes/went well.

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well not to knock you or anything but they can physically keep her from driving there if the car belongs to them and if she leaves without permission in some states they can file her as a runaway and she'll be found and arrested and so will he.. I dont see the problem in it though. Maybe your parents just need time to adjust to that. i was 18 when i met(now my ex) my b/f and he was 28. Its not the age that really matters its the person themselves..maybe they feel that he's just not right for you.

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It's not that your parents "hate him".. they just LOVE YOU so much that of course they are concerned... and it's normal for you to want the independence of your heart, but remember guys will come and go in your young life, but your parents are alwasy there for you..

 

So remember to respect them, respect yourrself, take this slow, keep talking to your parents, they are showing you great respect by protecting you and yet also willing to go to dinner with you and this guy...

 

Trust that your parents have YOUR best interest at heart.. and they only want to protect you, remember they were young once...and they want to guide you through things...

 

Try to let go of some of the "anger" and replace it with "understanding thier perspective"... and you might find that you all will talk more, understand more, and learn more about yourselves through all this.. they love you, you were a tiny baby whom they dedicated thier lives and love to for a long time..so of course they are concerned...YOU are precious to them.

 

And as far as the "quote of lyric" or whatever it is at the end of your post about "rolling a joint, too alone to be proud".. I hope this is not some motto you are actually choosing to use to inspire you.. because if so, it doesn't sound self respecting or wise..

 

Hopefully YOU are can be self respecting and wise.. take care of you, love yourself, love your parents, and take it slow with this guy... let him make the "effort' to show to your parents that his intentions are honest, pure, and respectful towards

you.. They derserve this respect from him and so do you... and it starts with you respecting your parents and yourself..

 

You'll be surprised how much realizing, maturing, learning, and emotional growing you will do by the time you are 24...

 

Best of luck to you.. blender

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Good grief. He's not even that old. When you are 18, none of this should matter at all. However, if it still matters to your parents, they'll get used to it eventually.

 

Your situation sounds the polar opposite of when I was 24. I dated a 17 year old and her parents loved me. I was friends with her parents before, during, and after the time we dated. I knew her parents before I knew her and they introduced us. It's to bad you don't have that sort of nice situation.

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I suggest you just play it cool and don't force this situation on your parents since you are 17 because they legally have all the power and you and your BF have none. You are at their mercy and they could potentially get him into a lot of trouble, even if he never touched you. They could just say he did regardless of reality.

 

Play it cool until you're 18 and don't push your parents. It's only a few weeks anyway.

 

After you are 18, then you will legally be the master of your own life. So wait until then before you assert yourself. No point rocking the boat when you are 17.

 

Wow. I never had to deal with this stuff. My GF's parents were always inviting me over and like me a lot. The hostility thing is something I never experienced.

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When you are 17, you have to ask your parents permission and they have the legal right to say no. That's reality.

 

When you are 18, you can just tell your parents he's your BF. Then it's your choice and the law is on your side then and your parents will know that, or should know that.

 

I think it's really counter productive asking them permission, arguing with them, or trying to go behind their back when you are 17. Just be smart, act like an adult about this and chill out until you are 18. That way you can skip a lot of conflict that is bad for you, your parents, and your BF.

 

After you are 18, you will be legally the master of your own destiny. At that time, you parents are more likley to accept him because they no longer have any legal say in it. However, the more conflicts that occur when you are 17, the more problems you'll have later in trying to get them to accept him after you are 18. It would be nice if they'd accept him after you are 18 so you could be a happy family. So cool it while you are still 17.

 

Also, your BF should have some respect for your parents are back off until after you are 18. That would be the respectful and the wise things to do.

 

So just don't see him for now. It's only a few weeks. After you are 18, then you'll have a much better chance of getting them to accept him, if you don't rock the boat to much now and create grudges.

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I have exactly the same age gap with my boyfriend. I'm 17, he's 24. My parents were pissed at first, but after meeting him, they liked him. It also helped that the legal age of consent here is 16, so they allowed me to make my own mistakes. You really should have waited until you were 18 to tell them.

 

Even so, they can't physically stop you from driving to his house. Don't let them get in the way of your relationship because of the age gap that will mean nothing in 10 year's time.

 

And after reading your last post, inviting my boyfriend down to dinner was how he won over my parents =P I hope it goes/went well.

 

They can legally physically stop her because the legal age of consent here is 18. If she drives to his house against parents will, they can report her as a runaway and him for contributing to delinquency of a minor, and both of them could be locked up in jail, and he'd have a criminal record. If they really wanted to be nasty, they could accuse him of having sex with her and get him arrested for being a child molestor. This his life would be ruined. If he survived prison, which is doubtful, he'd have a criminal record as a child molestor and never be able to get a decent job.

 

Back when I was 17, my 19 year old male neighbor had sex with his 17 year old GF. This was back in the day before the age of consent laws took age difference into account. Her parents called the police. He was arrested and convicted of statuatory rape - i.e. - of being a child molestor. He spent 2 years in state prison and now has mental problems for life and a criminal record as a child molestor. Her parents decided to teach him a lesson. They destroyed him for life.

 

So don't think for one minute that her parents can't go really hard on her and him. They can and the law is on their side. And their age diff is enough for him to get into serious legal trouble.

 

So once again, I advise she mellow out and stop fighting her parents and just play it cool and stop seeing him until AFTER she is 18, at which time she will then have the law on her side backing up her right of choice.

 

However, at any age, don't take your parents car without their permission because that could get you into serious legal problems at any age, especially AFTER you are 18. If the car is yours, then it's yours, but if it's theirs, then it's theirs.

 

I think much of this hostility and conflict will subside after you turn 18 because then what choice do your parents have but to accept your BF, or at least your right to make your own decisions. Until then, calm down, be smart, and don't fight them or disobey them. After you turn 18, then be an adult.

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However, it sounds, based on your last post, that maybe your parents are starting to accept him, or willing to consider it. You mentioned all of you having dinner. That has the potential to make excellent progress towards their accepting him. If that works out, then great. If not, wait until you are 18.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I will give you my own opinion that you need to give your parents a break. If my daughter came to me at your age and told me she was with a guy that age, I would really worry. This is because you can't possibly know at your age all the things your parents know at their age. I am not saying you two can't work out. I am just saying that it's your paren'ts job to protect you. My parents were not able to protect me when I was in your situation and it was devastating to my life and how I have conducted my life. I will be honest with you!

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I have to add for Charley that a lot of the time a minor hasn't consented and the charges are actually for much more serious crimes that often can't be proved as easily as an obvious age difference. This happened to me when I was 15. So I would be really careful as to how sorry we feel for a perpetrator. I don't think being sneaky or whatever will help, only hurt. Be honest with your parents. I think they can give great feedback considering that they are more experienced in life.

 

Like I said before, you're young....go have fun. Just see guys your own age if it's so much drama. Is it really worth it? You're SO young!

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when I was your age I dated alot of much older men that my parents never knew about. But now I am a parent myself and worry about my step daughters, but I cant stop them.

Your parents are looking at his age and not the good guy he is to you. I'd stick it out, be happy with him. as you get older your parents will feel better. Me and my guy are 16 years apart.

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Continue facilitating a relationship between your parents and him. But don't push too hard, because it will only prove to them your immaturity. If you demand, "I'm old enough to make my own choices and you can't stop me", and then go behind their backs you will only be proving them right. If they need you to slow down the relationship, respect that. They're not as stupid as they seem. Don't stop seeing him altogether, but do respect the rules they lay out. You will be proving to them that this older guy doesn't make you lose your head.

 

Also, once they meet him, listen to their opinion. If they say they see unhealthy patterns in your relationship, don't brush them off. They may be right.

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you know what ..my relationship is the same exact way. its just you have to deal basically. you cant let that * * * * * * * * your relationship up when your about to be 18 because when your 18 theres nothing they an do about it at all. so just until then deal with it..it may be hard.....but life is hard...you have to wait for what you want in life...

 

hurt: is the realiztion that life is REAL...

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