Very complicated story "HELP and ADVICE NEEDED"

[Pharaoh]

Deal all, I don’t know where exactly to start, to make a long story shorter, I was living the best days of my life ever with my girlfriend. What we had was beautiful, and we were born to complete each other. We were just perfect. However, we both didn’t know that her parents were planning her life in their own. I proposed to her and she accepted, and her parents accepted me too, but delayed the engagement party to gain time to get ride of me. 2 days before the engagement part "JUST 2 DAYS BEFORE OUR ENGAGMENT PARTY", and without the knowledge of their daughter, they had a fight with me and told me that me and their daughter don't match as my salary was half of her and she owns a car and I don’t. …etc. I found out too that they were planning to replace me with another richer husband for their daughter.

 

I am sure that my girlfriend didn’t know about any of there plans; however, I was very upset with the whole family especially after the alternative husband idea. I called her and we had a very big fight telling about their parent's argument with me and I END all what was between us. I was just very angry and nervous and I didn’t think of what I was saying…till now I am sure that she still doesn't know about the other husband.

 

So, she is the person with the broken heart now, but I am the one who broke her heart "her parents are totally innocent in front of her and I am the one to be blamed for my actions towards her"; however, I am too totally broke and severely wounded…I love her too much…I love her to the extent that I dreamt and planned my entire life with and I cant and I don’t want to live without her…I know that she is not responsible for her parents actions, but still I was injured by her parents; however, I want her back so much. in fact, I need her so much I feel miserable without her presense in my life.

 

And I also forget to mention that I meet her 1 week ago and she smiled to me and we had a normal conversation that lasted for 2 minutes only and she moved. Also I found that her parents brought her a newer car and newer cell phone and I guess they are doing great in pushing her to forget me..,………

 

PLEASE I NEED ALL POSSIBLE HELP AND ADVICE

[Locke2121]

Tell her. Tell her about her parent's plans for a new husband, all of it. Yes, you broke her heart, but maybe, MAYBE there is time to fix what you've broken.

 

However, I have to say, I don't think you can. She sounds like she is firmly under mommy and daddy's collective thumbs. Its hard to fight against being your parent's princess. But she at least deserves to know the truth. Don't do it in a vindictive way, simply tell her..

 

"Before we go our separate ways, I think you should know that your mom and dad said*****, they upset me with this news, and I just lost it. I'm sorry."

 

Don't count on this fixing your relationship, but you need this clean break, all the cards on the table.

 

 

Good Luck dude!

[karvala]

Well I'm a bit confused by all this. Her parents are clearly acting in a fairly appalling manner, and she will naturally want to think well of them, but what's not entirely clear is why you wanted to break up with her, and more importantly why you've so far stuck to it in spite of knowing that it's a mistake.

 

Regardless, you need to talk to her seriously about ALL that went on. Tell her, calmly, that you love her, you want her, you've always wanted her, that the breakup was a mistake based on pressure from her parents who said that they wanted to replace you with a richer version. That this made you feel unwanted and unworthy, and obviously very hurt, but that you recognise it's not her fault, and ask that your future together should not be lost because of this.

 

If she loves you, I sincerely hope she'll understand.

[Pharaoh]

I think that it is a very good idea to put all cards on the table and telling her about her parent's plans; however, will it be possible again when their parents know wht i will tell her to accept me as a husband to their daughter. i thinks things will be more complicated between my ex and her parents and between me and her...and ofcourse me and her parents......

[karvala]

You're not proposing to spend your life with her parents. It's up to them to deal with it, and if their daughter does choose to be with you, I imagine they'll be at least as embarrassed about the situation as you are. In any case, things can't really be any worse with them than they are now, can they, and what is the alternative? Give up on the girl because you're worried what her parents might think of you? Gimme a break. If you love her, don't worry about her parents; you can deal with them when the time comes.

[CharLit]

Hello Pharao,

 

Is there a cultural dimension we should know about? Are you from a culture where her parents can force her to marry someone she doesn't want to? Can they actually stop you two from marrying if they want to?

 

take care,

 

C

[Pharaoh]

In Fact....yes.... in my culture, her parents have the right to reject a proposed person, but not to force her to marry someone she doesnt want. however, my ex was her parent's only child, so they didnt show her that they rejected me....they made it seem as if i am the one who choose to breakup with her, and they will not force her to marry someone she doesnt like, but they will affect her choice. they will manipulate her thinking and will convence her that i am the bad guy.

[Pharaoh]

Actually, i was so surprised that she did not react when we were breaking up.

although she cried alot, but i think that she should have taken an action... i started to guess that she may didnt want me and she was waiting for me to break, but i guess that i am mistaken

[CharLit]

Firstly, I'm so sorry this is happening to you: no matter what the reasons, losing the one you love is so painful, and all the more so if it happens for reasons that have nothing to do with your love for one another.

 

Actually, i was so surprised that she did not react when we were breaking up.

although she cried alot, but i think that she should have taken an action... i started to guess that she may didnt want me and she was waiting for me to break, but i guess that i am mistaken

 

 

None of us can see into her heart of course, but you have to remember that she doesn't know the full story, all she knows is that you broke up with her.

 

From my own experience, when my previous boyfriend broke up with me, it hurt like hell and I let him know how much it hurt and I tried to get him to explain why, but I never tried to get him back. It was clear to me that he didn't want me anymore, and I was too proud to beg.

 

If i understand you correctly, she thinks you do not want her anymore, so what kind of action can she take?

 

There are two separate issues here:

1) getting your girlfriend back

2) dealing with her parents

 

the second isn't even an issue until you achieve the first.

 

I agree with Karvala and Locke: you have to be completely, absolutely honest with her. It might be easier to write it to her in a letter: tell her how you feel about her, that you love her and want to be with her, explain exactly - and if possible without anger - what her parents said to you, how much it hurt you, and why you said the things you did to her.

 

Ask her if she will please reconsider being with you, and if she does, the two of you together will have to try and convince her parents - but that's the next step, first get her back!

 

I really hope it works out for you.

 

C