Now what's going on?

[Blitzar]

I started seeing my best friend following both of us breaking up with our significant others sometime in October.

 

Over the next couple of months, we had very strong chemistry - we were not exclusive however, and I knew she was dating other people, which is to be expected as she was engaged for 2 years and to jump directly into another relationship would be asking too much.

 

When school let out for winter break, we spent a great deal of time together, nearly everyday. We gave each other presents for Christmas, and by the next few days, we had slept together for the first time.

 

Everything seemed alright until after that point. I had to leave town because of a death in the family around New Year's, which she made a comment about me loving her and her knowing it, but eventually she seemed very distant whenever I contacted her or called her.

 

We came back to class for an internship and she seemed very excited to see me, I thought it was all in my head that there was something wrong.

 

We spent some more time together, like we always had, and out of nowhere, she told me she had still been dating other people. She told me she felt like she was leading me on and that she didn't want a relationship - she wanted to date around, and that because I am her best friend she wanted to be honest with me. She had explained to me that after all the time we spent together she knew that it would lead to a relationship and that's why she had been so aloof.

 

I took it in stride. The next few days, we ran into each other like normal. Mid-January, we went to a function held for the people we were working for. I drank a few too many, but had a good time. At one point, she was pulling me around by the arm so she could "look good", made a couple jokes about us dating that were not tasteful, in my opinion, and eventually we left.

 

I walked her to the door, and I was clearly disturbed by some of the things she said. She asked what was wrong. I told her that she knew how I felt about her and that what she said upset me. She took me inside, sat me down, straddled me, and began to kiss me, while telling me she wasn't sure what she wanted. She said that everyone she gets close to her leaves her, and that if she keeps me as only a friend, in a box of boundaries, I could never leave her.

 

I told her, drunkenly, that I loved her, that the time I spent with her was special, and that she knew I felt that way the entire past few weeks. I told her that deep down she knows we get along like best friends, we're attracted to each other, and that there's no reason to try and fight what was going on because of her fear. She started crying, blaming herself for my attachment to her, and kissed me as I left.

 

She called me later that evening to tell me she loved me.

 

The next few weeks have been kinda weird - now this was out, there wasn't much to hide from her. She would give me rides home without my asking and kiss me hello and goodbye, but she wasn't nearly as affectionate as she had been in the past. Whenever I kiss her though, she gets the biggest smile, as if there's no denying that's what she wants from me.

 

This week, though she went in for a hug but no kiss. I got kinda mad, and asked her what was wrong. She seemed kinda frustrated, and told me that she thought she made it clear that she didn't want anything serious, even though she is definitely interested in me. She told me/suggested I need to date other people, because she wanted me to be happy and that she doesn't know how to make sense of our relationship. I was like, yeah, whatever, and left. I was sure things were finished at that point.

 

This weekend, we ended up hanging out after meeting up and getting drunk at a Super Bowl party. I went back to her place. We ended up having a long conversation, where out of nowhere she ended up talking about us. She said that:

 

I was a dangerous item to her because as close as we are, she knows that if we broke up or I rejected her that it would be a personal blow, since most of the time she puts up a front and doesn't mind if she gets rejected since it's not the "real" her. She once had sex with a best friend who ceased talking to her entirely afterwards, and that hurt her very much.

 

Sometimes I was overbearing, but not too often - She said 90% of the time, people who are that eager to please her and make her happy have agendas and that scares her, even though she then said she trusts me entirely, something which I called her out on as indicative that she doesn't trust me.

 

She once again reminded me that I can date other people since she is too. Then she asked me to stay the night with her. We didn't have sex, but she was very affectionate towards me and twice I woke up with her cuddling me after I had rolled away from her. Somewhat strange to me.

 

And what does she do as I go to leave? She runs up, throws her arms around me, and kisses me goodbye.

 

I have no idea what is going on. I do love the girl, but I have no idea what to make of the situation.

[Orlander]

You are her toy while she figures out what it is she wants. If you are ok with this, then maybe, just maybe, she will decide you are the one for her.

 

Or, you can set some boundaries and realize that this is not healthy for either of you and you deserve someone who will love you and wants to be with just you and isnt afraid of getting hurt.

 

Your friend has some growing to do. Either be her friend and help her through this or continue on the path you are on and you will probably get your heart broken.

 

Orlander

[ShroomzGod]

Yeah she is using you to feel better about herself after the break up. I've noticed from your post that when to try to have things your way she guilts you to doing what she wants. Date other people like she askes and see what happens. She may get jelious and want to make things official with you. Don't hold your breath.

[heloladies21]

This is the problem with getting into a relationship like this which emulates a "friends with benefits" type of situation at times. She's always gonna have it in the back of her mind that you don't really care about her and are just using her for sex no matter what you tell her.

 

In any case, there's just too much wishy washy behavior from your end which definitely affects her so it's time to make up your mind, and if she's not willing to go with what you desire, time to cut things off and find someone new. The other way leads to a ton of false hope and wasted time none of which you want.