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I hate myself. I want this to end.

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I can't even begin to tell you how long I have struggled with my self esteem.

It all hit boiling point today when I was threatening my fiancee that I would commit suicide.

We had an engagement party on the weekend and alot of his friends didnt even say hello to me, when I got the photos back it hurt.

There was a photo of us together, hes a very attractive slim man.

When I looked at it I burst into tears, all I saw was a fat ugly hideous mess of a person standing next to a beautifull and genuinly happy man.


And the reason I was crying because I knew deep down he didn't diserve such an insecure partner, I can be abusive and emotionally instable and I simply can NOT see why he loves me at all.


I hate myself for not being good enough for him.


All his family and friends are beautifull and model sizes. And here I am, clinically obese with a face only a mother could love.


Should I end the relationship? I don't want to hurt him anymore and I KNOW I need to love myself ... but I have tried all my life and I just CANT

I look disgusting and I hate it. I hate my personality too.


I'm desperate, I want to change but I have NO idea how! I cant afford a couseller and the doctors never help... My partner cant help either, hejust tells me to stop it and thinks thats enough.


It hurts so bad... I just want to end this pain and hate and the only way I can see that happening is by either bottling it up (AGAIN) or killing myself.



Please, help?

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Aw thats a terrible thing to say, this man obviously loves you... there's something about you he doesn't find in anybody else. I'd kill for that...

My boyfriend of 3 years has spent the last 3 years on and off dumping me, he'll go off, get with someone else and come back. I love him to much to leave but I know in my heart I'm second best to anything.


I'm a size 6 with a tiny overall frame and I hate it, I've never been considered as sexy, only cute.. or kidlike. I get pushed around, I can't defend myself, I get called ill looking, being model size isnt great, I want a bust of a handfull!!!

An * * * to hold on to! I don't even fit into a 34A bra!!!


I hate feeling not good enough, I get that every day when I see the women he's been with in the street, but has your guy ever given you the impression that you're not good enough or are you the one judging?


You've got a lot to be thankful for from what I've just read, I don't know the whole story or the inside outs, but I'd switch situations with you happily.

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@lemoncake: my ex shares those sizes, and is the sexiest girl I've ever had the good fortune to be with, and gets a good deal of male attention, so there's really nothing at all wrong with being that size, trust me.


@Belinda: please don't press the self-destruct button. Believe me, I know how easy it is, to pull down everything around you because you feel you're not worthy, and more fundamentally, because you want someone to see how much you're hurting and help you to do something about it. But changing with a supportive and loving partner is infinitely easier than changing on your own after self-destructing. Don't dump the bf, dump the calories.


It's not at all easy, I know. I really do know. Low self-esteem is a destroyer like none other. But you CAN do it. You need a plan. A serious, written, fixed plan, as to how to improve things. It needs to come from you, but your partner can (and hopefully will) help you.


Two things to always bear in mind, one of them horrifically hard to hear, the other gratifying if hard to believe: (1) If you do not change, the pain will not go away. No amount of crying, or expressing, or love from others, or anything else can make it go away. Only your resolve to change the things that you think are wrong. If you don't do it, nobody else can, so it won't happen, and the years will pass, and you'll still be in that dark place. (2) If you do change, you are GUARANTEED to feel better. Absolulely 100%. And you CAN change. It IS possible. You are human, you have powers, you have qualities, you have abilities, just the rest of us. You are not different, merely suffering and waiting to use those abilities. Now is the time. Not tomorrow.

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Hi Belinda


Reading your post remainded me of this great scientist from Japan who studied effects that our thoughts or words have on water...What u see in his research is that words like hate and kill etc (the ones we ussually adress ourselfs with produce very ugly cristal structure in the water on the other hand when words love and thank you and simmilar positive vibes are directed towards water the cristals seen are beautifull beyond imaginable...so what made me think is that we ARE 90% water...hmm. I am also strugling with a self asteem Belinda and now in my late 30s realising all that, about myself that I was blaming myself always and never acctually loved ME, also a bit overwight and rather at my lowest point in life ...but u see the thing is here that it is learning to accept self as you are now with all pluses adn minuses and please realise that you are a special being as is it everyone. What I found is that it takes really a baby steps almost like you are relearning how to be in this world when u start changing your beliefs...becouse that is all there is it is just beliefs in our head.


Love and Hug


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it's easy enough to say just change, and I appreciate the advice but I've been fat my whole life, I've tried everything I can think of. I'd exercise for 3 -6 hours a day even, I've even starved myself in desperation when I was 17 which just ended up making me incredibly sick.


I tried joining weight watchers a couple of weeks ago but it fell through. Everytime I was with Brentyn he wasn't all the supportive about it and would get stuck into fried chips and burger king while I was hungry, then offer it to me.


Honestly, I'm starting to think it's not even POSSIBLE to lose weight. I've never been any other size than this fat self. And even if I DID lose weight, I have a disgusting face.


I just want to be able to stand next to him and feel worthy but I can't... I don't know how.

I'm starting to believe the ONLY thing I can do is leave him ... I want him to find someone who suits him, and he's a happy upbeat beautiful guy... he needs someone positive who doesn't bring him down.


And if I don't have the guts to dump him... I'm scared what I might do in desperation.


I sill don't get it, I'm still confused and desperate as HELL for a way out of this. It's like I'm stuck in a cage with no key for the lock

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First of all, don't think you're alone. Trust me, you're not.


I am a fat chick and I have a skinny, very handsome, very sweet, etc etc boyfriend, and seeing pictures of me standing beside him make me want to go insane too. Thing is, he adores me. And your fiancee adores you, and if he didn't, you wouldn't be his fiancee. I'm going to have to go back to doing this as well so feel free to throw a practice what you preach sentence at me


What you are going to have to do is do some "inside" work. By that I mean stopping what you're doing, sitting down, and having a conversation with yourself. Dig deep. Find out exactly what it is that's troubling you. If it's just the weight problem then you can deal with that. If it's the fact that you're surrounded by skinny peoples, then you can deal with that. The fact of it all is, you can deal with it. Once you pinpoint your exact issue, go from there.


Also, don't think of any of it in terms of "omg I'm fat I gotta get skinny" no, think of it in terms of, "ok I'm 'this way' I want to be 'healthy' so what do I have to do in order to do it?" I'ma tell you what, Weight Watchers...isn't a good program. You'll have to go back to them for the rest of your days to keep the weight off...just do it yourself. Eat right, (or start eating in the right direction) sit up straight, carry a little confidence in your walk. Even if it's fake confidence, just keep telling yourself that it's true, eventually your mind will catch up. It really is the little things that you do that make a difference. It's going to take a lot of time to get to a good point but that's what you'll have to do.


Also, you're probably going to have to end up doing what those on ENA told me, go seek therapy. Good luck to you in all that you do.


Edit: When it comes to you being on a diet, don't expect others to remember. You have to remember. It's your body not theirs. If they go to Burger King and you go with them, it's up to you to get a salad. It's up to YOU. It's not that they don't care about you, and it's not that they don't want you to succeed, it's just that not everyone thinks about being on a diet they may just have forgotten. Eventually it will get accross.

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In your OP you refer to your guy being a "genuinely happy man."

He must care about you, and as far as low self-esteem goes, even thin people suffer from that curse. I sure do.


Most women pick their appearance apart, but often forget that some guys are deeper than that.


Your self-image should include all of you, not just your weight.

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I think rather than saying to your self 'i have to be thin' 'i have a disgusting face' you need to think more along the lines of 'ok i could eat a bit more healthily, adopt a better lifestyle'

Start my taking some gentle regular exercise rather than working out flat for up to 6 hours which in no way is good for your joints/ muscles especially if you are unfit to start with. I found that swimming for an hour about 4-5 days a week really made me loose weight last year when i had put on a bit. I soon had a nice hard flat stomach with great legs and arms as well! It is also not very strenuous and once you get in the water no one can see what your body looks like.

I also found that changing my method of contraception helped, prieviously i was on the combined pill and i put on a tonne of weight as soon as i came off of it i lost like over a stone and half!

Also only eating three meals a day plus fruit and 2 litres of water helped me to feel full and stop snacking on junk.


Firstly though i think you need to work on your self confidence and give yourself a little bit of self respect. Your fiancee is with you because he loves he and finds you attractive physically and emotionally. Ignore his friends and anyone else who makes you feel low. He is there because he wants to be there.


Chin up hun


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Try positive self talk. If you start noticing the good things about yourself, which obviously the man who loves you does, you'll be less focussed on the negative things. Now quit threatening suicide it won't help anything and all it seems like it's a way to get attention.


Now I lost weight and didn't even exercise. I just ate differently, healthier and fewer calories. I ate protein cereal bars for breakfast, lean cuisine for lunch and dinner. With a snack at 3 p.m. and 7 p.m. No I wasn't stuffed ever but the weight came off so fast it was nice and I wasn't starving either. I didn't weigh myself often just went with different clothing sizes. I got down to a 14, but mostly wear 16's. I still need to lose more but my body kind of settled here despite my adding exercise. Not all of us are meant to be a size 6.


Find parts of yourself to love. There are many. Be it your intelligence, an attribute, etc. Don't leave the man you obviously love because of insecurities. We all have insecurities, focus on the good things about yourself (the stuff you and/or he likes). Then work on things you don't like.

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