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im not a therepist, so i guess im not a good boyfriend


shep88ner
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here's my situation with my girlfriend. she is very emotional and her attitudes towards certain situations change ALL the time. we've been together for 13 months tomorrow and things have changed so much with us out of nowhere.

 

she seems to have lost all sense of humor. im a very jokable kind of guy and i joke and laugh about anything and everything. i rarely dont have a smile on my face. if something bad happenes to me, i get upset, say "that sucks but whatever" and i go on..i dont dwell on things and let it ruin the rest of my life.

 

she used to be JUST like this till a few weeks ago. now she doesnt joke, and all my jokes are "offensive" and she gets mad or sad about them. she gets hazed at school a lot for whatever reason and someone today called and left her a voicemail that simply said, "skank". then they hung up. she called me and didnt seem very distressed or upset or anything. so i was trying to keep the mood light hearted and upbeat and after i asked if she knew who it was and i all i said, "hmm...well, that was pretty mean of them. but what does that make me? am i a skank too now??? we can just be skanks together, just me and you!" and she was laughing about it and saything stuff like, "yea...we're the best looking skanks walking this earth" and all was ok.

 

so then tonight, she calls me and we're talkin and everything is ok. then i make a joke about her ex. boyfriend that i frequently make fun of and joke about. (it was a clean joke, i know the guy and i dont hate him, so it wasnt a big terrible joke). so she got real serious and the mood of the convo died instantly. then she brings up babysitting this week at her church. i asked if we got paid the $20 again, she said yes, then i said, "is Gaven going to be asleep the whole time again?" (Gaven is this 3 year old who runs around and is a pain to watch. last week the slept the whole time which was REALLY nice on us). she she says all rude, "i dont know bryan" and then i said, still light heartedly, "i hope, makes it easy on us". so she gets this attitude like, "bryan! that is SO mean! he's 3 years old!" and gets all serious and junk. then she gets to crying and saying stuff like, " you dont think that phone call hurt me? and all you could do was joke and say 'that sucks'. what good does that do me???" and all this. when earlier, she was laughing and joking. which is why i joked, to get her mind off of it so she didnt make it a big deal and let it bother her.

 

she's never ever been this serious and uptight. im a joking kind of guy, and i forever will be, plain and simple, but now she doesnt joke back.

 

there's this guy named "bob" at her church we both know and he's a joker too. he says the most messed up/mean/funny things ever. he makes fun of her, jokes and makes fun of other people, the whole bit. but she NEVER gets on him or takes him seriously or anthing. she always jokes back and thinks his every word is hilarious. when i questioned her about why it's different with me, she said "because that's just how Bob is, he's not mean". which is crazy! he's called my GF ugly to her face and told her to re-due her makeup!!!! (joking way). last time i commented about her makeup, HUGE fight. (btw, bob is 40 years old and has a wife, so it's not anything like she has a crush on him or whatever).

 

it's so crazy...if she cant joke and be herself anymore, it's not going to last another month, which would crush me. i want us to last, i just want to know where my girlfriend went!!!

 

it's like, since i dont know the healing words to fix her problems, im the bad guy. i get blamed since i cant take care of her every need. im not some psychologist and i cant use the perfect words to soothe her ailing. i do what i can and i try my best, i do things the way i always have. but now she doesnt want to tell me her problems becuase she knows i "wont understand" and i will just say "that sucks" and i wont be sypathetic. which i am, i just dont know the PERFECT words to say to her!

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I don't really want to "take a side" in this situation, but I do know there are a few things going on with your girlfriend - first that you two are still worried she might be pregnant, and also that she just started birth control.

 

Since you say the change has just been over a few weeks, pregnancy scare + BCP could easily be the cause of some moodiness. Tell her when she hurts your feelings and when you feel she is out of line, encourage communication with respect and affection, and have maybe a little patience to see if this is just a phase.

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hey there,

 

If this has only been going on the last few weeks, then I'd say more than likely it has been brought on by something that happened in that time frame. You mentioned she's been getting hazed lately?? This is very serious...and can seriously damage a person both physically, but specially mentally/emotionally. I would focus on the issue, not the symptoms...maybe find out for sure what's really been going on and try your best to support her and be there for her in any way you can...and no it doesn't require you to be a therapist...though if she is being bullied excesively that might not be a bad idea. Don't give up on her because things aren't like they were before...make an effort to just be there. Good luck.

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lol dude, im just like you cept I'm not as intellectually or emotionally challenged. It's not hard, sit down with her, tell her how you feel about whats bothering you, apologize. Then, hold her in your arms and make her feel loved, Im sure she just has alot of stress right now.

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I don't really want to "take a side" in this situation, but I do know there are a few things going on with your girlfriend - first that you two are still worried she might be pregnant, and also that she just started birth control.

 

Since you say the change has just been over a few weeks, pregnancy scare + BCP could easily be the cause of some moodiness. Tell her when she hurts your feelings and when you feel she is out of line, encourage communication with respect and affection, and have maybe a little patience to see if this is just a phase.

AGREED!!!

 

Birth control can do some wicked nasty things with a womans mood. I had to switch my dosage because it was so up and down. You're going to need to be patient and be supportive.

 

Sometimes its really hard to take "jokes" from someone who is your support structure, its more personal and can feel a lot more directed.

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I don't really want to "take a side" in this situation, but I do know there are a few things going on with your girlfriend - first that you two are still worried she might be pregnant, and also that she just started birth control.

 

Since you say the change has just been over a few weeks, pregnancy scare + BCP could easily be the cause of some moodiness. Tell her when she hurts your feelings and when you feel she is out of line, encourage communication with respect and affection, and have maybe a little patience to see if this is just a phase.

 

i bet you're right sophie...thanks for the advice. i just get frustrated easily and she does too...so it makes for some disagreements from time to time. im trying really hard to bite my tongue and it works more often than not. and the pregnancy scare too is also a good point, it's just an ugly situation all around for us right now. but you have to take bad with the good sometimes. but i bet we'll be ok. thanks again

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I remember telling you when you first came to this site that there is a problem with how you act with your gf. It's all due to your inability to stick up for yourself. You always shrug things off and this overly passive behavior always leads to this kind of behavior from a chick. She gets the impression that you have no self confidence and that you don't care about her. This pushes girls away.

 

Unless you make an internal change this relationship is on a fast track to her dumping/cheating on you.

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well, i joke a lot with gfs. i do know that you need to be serious sometimes. joking about everything drives a girl nuts. this explains why the 40 year old guy can joke and not get yelled at by her. she cares how you really feel. jokes about her appearance and stuff from a bf would hurt a girl more than from a person she doesn't really share a bond with. you need to sympathize with her sometimes when she is down and not always crack one. i noticed that you are 18 too. i'm not sure how old she is, but she maybe changing mentally as well.

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Yeah, you left out the birthcontrol part of the story and that completely changes the situation. That stuff can do funny things to girls while they get used to it. I had a g/f that acted the same way for about three months and then after the 3rd, her behavior started to go back to normal. She's on that stuff for you, you may want to stick it out for a little while.

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Before anyone blames the birth control, read his previous posts. He's been dealing with various forms of disinterest and disrespect from all the way back in October.

 

Situations where another guy involved, psychological game playing from her end. Not good. This has nothing to do with birth control, this is a seriously flawed relationship and you are the one who is in charge of it and has the ability to change things.

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Before anyone blames the birth control, read his previous posts. He's been dealing with various forms of disinterest and disrespect from all the way back in October.

 

Situations where another guy involved, psychological game playing from her end. Not good. This has nothing to do with birth control, this is a seriously flawed relationship and you are the one who is in charge of it and has the ability to change things.

He's in charge of it? What is this the 1950's?

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Before anyone blames the birth control, read his previous posts. He's been dealing with various forms of disinterest and disrespect from all the way back in October.

 

Situations where another guy involved, psychological game playing from her end. Not good. This has nothing to do with birth control, this is a seriously flawed relationship and you are the one who is in charge of it and has the ability to change things.

 

i cant believe you remembered my first posts on here...that's crazy lol. but ya...what would i even say to her or do or what to try to fix it? because i obviously havent figured it out yet...

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Of course I remember, I've been following you very closely here.

 

This isn't about some specific tactic that you can use, it's more of an internal change where you decide that you've had enough of her BS. Some people call it snapping, but I call it coming to a realization. It's where any kind of disrespect she gives you, you immediately call her out on it.

 

Like when she got upset at you for going to Mardi Gras because you would see other girl's boobs, that deserved to get called out. Did she think you would have any intention with any of them? You kind of called her out on it and she said that wasn't it, but in reality that's exactly what she was telling you. Otherwise it wouldn't bother her. I told my gf once when this kind of topic came up that she should be comfortable with me in a room full of 50 naked women and trust me enough not to do anything and if she didn't trust me to that level, then she didn't fully trust me. She agreed, but if she didn't, the relationship would've ended there.

 

Also with your gf and that guy she hangs around with, your actions are not strong. You do let her know that it bothers you, but your reasoning only shows your insecurity. Read the advice I gave you then . Anytime you confront something, she just overpowers you.

 

So the advice for you is very simple, stop backing down and stick up for yourself. It's up to you to muster up the strength to pull it off though.

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if the above it true, i'm not going to read everything else, you need to get out. if i had a chick like this playing games like this...buh bye! i have no idea why people put up with this crap. just to say they have a gf/bf i guess and that they say "oh, but it's so hard to meet someone else." pffft.

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There's always one of you in the crowd, isn't there

 

The situations are completely different as someone like me has no intention with any other woman. As for the OP, his gf's actions with the other guy (which she did have a sexual past with) is far from platonic. It all has to do with intent.

A man being in a room with naked women has no sexual connotation?

 

You make it all an issue of trust, but why should a woman trust a man with many women when he won't even give her the trust with one man. So what if there is a past, if he expects trust then he should give trust. You can't ask for something you yourself would not give.

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so when a guy goes to a strip club he can't be trusted? my gf trusted me. she wanted to go with me more than i wanted to go. lol

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