NeoAngel21185 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 They say if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, that's how you know it's meant to be... I guess my problem with all of this is I'm having the hardest time letting go... I don't even know if we are breaking up, so it's complicated as to where this post should actually be located, but judging from my experiences before... It's not going to happen... Hi, my name is Phil, and my boyfriend recently came to the revelation that he needs to get to know himself, he says he loves me, but it's difficult... I truly love him with all of my heart, and maybe it's the year we lived together, but I'm still not totally over it. I'm trying to remain positive about all this, taking this time to get my life in order, and trying to remain calm about how this is effecting me. I feel so hurt, and I feel so lost. I was overly jealous in the relationship... I accused him of cheating, while I know that my trust is the issue. When in the past all that's happened to me, with my father, with my mother, with my friends, boyfriends, relatives, pretty much everyone has left me. Abandonment issues are abundant in my past, and because of that I've grown up without hope, for anything. He had told me his family and his friends have control him his entire life, and he recently separated from those that control him (aside from his parents). I can't believe I was one of the same... I want to be with him so badly, but the thought that keeps coming through is sometimes love just isn't enough... I'm not your most attractive guy, and I'm not the next Albert Einstein, but I am human, I do make mistakes, and I'm working at changing those behaviors. I know that I have to trust in Mike, I know that I have to trust in the relationship, I know that my outlook on life needs to change, and that I need to relax, but all I keep thinking is if I let him go, will he ever come back? We had gotten a family plan with our cell phones, and he keeps saying that we need to switch providers and that we need to do this, we need to do that... I know that means he's planning a future between the two of us, but I'm deathly afraid he's going to leave me and never come back... We've said that we were going to stay committed, we said that we were going to take a committed break... That when we were both in better positions we'd start back up again... I can't help but feel hurt, I know that I need to let go, but if it is our last time being together, I want to make it last... I'm so scared I'm going to lose him... Hard to let go, Phil Quote Link to comment
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