Ready to start...but don't have the keys

[NorCaSpinna]

Hello all,

 

After a long 4 months of recovery from a breakup, I finally feel comfortable enough to get out and start dating with an open mind. The only problem is...I feel like I'm sitting in a car with a road map and no key to start the car...

 

A little history.

I am 24. I've "dated" two women in my lifetime. One was as a senior in high school which was a physical relationship at best and my most recent one at 23. My most recent was the closest thing to a serious relationship I had. She initiated the contact and the interest and looking back, I think I jumped into the relationship without really thinking. But...due to differences, it ended at my hand. In 6 months, I learned a great deal about how to conduct relationships in all aspects (physical,emotional, activities, etc) pretty much everything AFTER the intro stage(s). So I know where I need to get. It's just starting the car.

 

I have never casually "dated." Now I realize that it is what I want. I realize that committed relationships are something that can be good, but I want to take full advantage of my youth and see "what is out there." For the life of me, I can not figure out how to get to the dating point. If it's happened, it was by fluke (i.e. 2 weeks ago, get piss drunk, ask a random girl out to an art museum after finding a connection with careers she says yes, I never call because I was too drunk to put the right number in my phone.)

 

As far as "redeeming characteristics" go; I know that I am at least somewhat attractive (see for yourself.) I am a college grad and have a full time job in high tech. I have just recently started to get back into the gym (not as much as I should) and I've started undertaking new activities (skydiving, snowboarding, etc) I know that I do have lower than average self esteem (thanks, ex) but that continues to change with everyday.

 

I've done the stare thing where I'll glance over and smile and get a return smile. But it usually hasn't gone past that. I have approached random girls but usually can't get far in a conversation. We'll usually get stuck until she or I gets bored. I know that I am capable of interesting and laugh out loud humorous conversations, but its usually with people that I have known prior.

 

I just cant seem to put my finger on what I might be doing wrong. I know that a "flowchart or process list" might not be applicable in a situation like this but.. can anybody speak from their experiences and tell me what I might be doing wrong?

 

 

Thanks!

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I know that I do have lower than average self esteem (thanks, ex) but that continues to change with everyday.

 

This would be the only problem I see. Your self esteem comes not from your ex, but from living a life of integrity -being true to yourself, and ergo happy.

 

You can do this. You're going to be ok. Just keep on doing the things that interest you and you will find someone. People are attracted to people who are happy and who are living the life they want.

 

Other than that, you could always try online dating. It works. At the very least, you'll get some practice and build your confidence.

 

Go get em, tiger!

[robowarrior]

You need to kick your own butt and get to it.This because you are your own worst enemy in getting to know people. The best thing is simply not care about the outcome and start talking to girls. If it fails at leat you tried, if it works you might get a date. Just put your mind on zero and go for it. Just do the thinking for Long term planning mostly.

[Altruist]

 

... We'll usually get stuck until she or I gets bored....

 

Hey, you're doing OK. If you have the confidence to approach random girls, then you can do anything! I think where you're going wrong is in trying to stick around after you have initiated the convo. Don't! Just get the digits/email and excuse yourself. Spend no more than five minutes. You can do the small later when you have arranged to meet.