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soaking_wet
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Last night I went out with a guy that I like and he kind of got out of control. My friend's who have known him since highschool all told me that he was a really sweet guy, and shy when it came to the ladies so i decided to give him a chance. It was only the second date last night, by the way. We went to his place and a few other guys were there and everyone was drinking. I had a beer and i'm easy on alcohol lol but I remember everything. He kept giving me mor beer until he "thought" I was drunk. When we were alone in the house he started making out with me, for the first time, and he also started getting all touchy. I think he was kind of drunk as well. I didn't mind him touching me at first but then it got more serious. He tried to put his hand down my pants and my shirt and everytime he tried I pushed his hand away. Then he started asking why I wouldn't let him touch me I was kind of drunk, I admit but sober enuf to stop him.

Now I'm having second thoughts about him. Does he like "me" or does he just want me for my body and sex? I want to take things a lot more slow. What's the best advice for this situation?

Thanks.

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"redqueen" is giving you some great advice... YOU set the standard and value for your own heart, mind and body... and you did the right thing by "stopping him".. you can feel good about this.. and time will tell if he is a "mature, decent, worthy guy" IF he calls and apologizes for his behavior... so do NOT contact him at all... His behavior is NOT acceptable.. you are a young classy lady.. and he should treat you as such.. and you should treat yourself this way as well..

 

so for right now don't do anything.. and if he does NOT contact you to apologize, then let go, move on, and stick with the classy standards/values you set for YOURSELF.. this will only attract the "right' kind of classy, sexy, confident, self respecting, woman respecting type of guy into your life...

 

This guy has a "second chance" maybe.. but ONLY IF he contacts you to apologize...

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This guy has a "second chance" maybe.. but ONLY IF he contacts you to apologize...

 

While an apology may, may, be in order. Tell him what your did not like before you expect to get it, and you can tell him that's not how you expect a man to act.

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He treated you like you treated yourself. A lady who is first going out with a man on a second date and does not want to hook up right away typically doesn't go to his apartment and get drunk as part of a "date" - that's not a date, that's hanging out at some guy's place, getting drunk and hooking up. Of course he tried to hook up because you gave all the signals that it was ok. Of course he needed to stop when you said "stop" but he was totally justified in starting.

 

If you posted that you wanted to just hook up and thereforeeee went to his place and got drunk I would not judge you for that - I am criticizing your "confusion" at "why did he treat me this way - doesn't he respect me?" I think you know better and for whatever reason you're painting a picture of a passive person who just went along for the ride and couldn't help but get drunk in a guy's apartment. You can't have it both ways - if you want him to respect you, go out on dates that he plans in advance and make the majority of those dates occur in public without getting drunk. Pretty simple. . . .

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Wow... You make an excellent point there ... He wanted to go to the movies, and i was the one that asked if we can drink before we went so i gess it pretty much is my fault...

But it still wasn't appropriete.. I may have given him an idea that it's what I wanted BUT I didn't want it to go that way... I just wanted to be drunk enuf to make out with him "accidentally" if that's making any sense lol.

But when we were sober and he dropped me off at my place, he grabbed my * * * as i was getting out of the car... and I don't think that was appropriete either.

So I'm kinda confused

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What are you confused by? This is one of those valuable life lessons, do NOT get drunk and put yourself in a vulnerable situation with a man, do not go out with a guy again if he thinks it's okay to grab your a-- when you are just starting to date, you are both responsible for the less than classy behavior...so now you can learn about yourself, and also remember what you have learned about him, he's "disrespectful towards you".. and that is not ALL your fault, it only becomes your "own responsiblity" IF you choose to go out with him again after learning this about his behavior.. So if he does not call to respectfully apologize..well then, it's best for you to "move on, lesson learned, do not put yourself in a similar circumstance again..and that's that".

 

I know one time when I was younger I went on a third date with a guy and I had a few drinks without having any food in my stomach.. I was drunk..and sooo attracted to him... and was to me too..BUT he was such a gentlemen, he didn't "try anything".. he made sure I got home safely, asked his "sober friend" to drive me home first, then take him home... he walked me up to the door, rang the bell, my sister came out and he said, "she needs some rest, she had a bit too much to drink"... The next day he called to see how I was feeling and I thanked him for being so classy and kind.. and we fell for each other and dated for a few years, he was/is a great guy.. and I was just a young girl who had a bit too much to drink, and the embarrasement of how I was "hanging onto him, tipsy, so amourous" well that was enough of a "lesson" for me to NOT make that mistake again... and till this day, (twenty five years later) he and I are still dear friends....

 

So no it's not wise or classy for a girl to get drunk on a date, or a guy either... but it also doesn't mean either of you should "take advantage" of the other... this guy the OP is talking about had a choice to be respectful even if she was a bit drunk... and if he was "too drunk" to really know what he was doing.. (doubt it) but he could call and apologize, redeem himself in her eyes, and then, maybe he might have a chance to "show" that it's not his "way" of behaving and it was a mistake in judgement.. but if he has NOT called and apologized..well then... good riddens.. and now it's time to remember to NOT get drunk on a date.. when you don't have the trust, and respect developed yet..

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Wow... You make an excellent point there ... He wanted to go to the movies, and i was the one that asked if we can drink before we went so i gess it pretty much is my fault...

But it still wasn't appropriete.. I may have given him an idea that it's what I wanted BUT I didn't want it to go that way... I just wanted to be drunk enuf to make out with him "accidentally" if that's making any sense lol.

But when we were sober and he dropped me off at my place, he grabbed my * * * as i was getting out of the car... and I don't think that was appropriete either.

So I'm kinda confused

 

It does not make sense to choose to get drunk so that you can justify fooling around - sounds like game playing and self-deception, which is even worse. I agree that some of his behavior was not appropriate. But, there is no confusion - from now on if you want a man to see you as a woman he can potentially be serious with and bring home to his family, give him the opportunity to court you - yes, a very old fashioned world but very appropriate - give him the opportunity to treat you like a lady and behave like a mature woman who treats herself with respect.

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Does he like "me" or does he just want me for my body and sex?

I'm sure he likes you, but as part of liking you, he likes your body... I see nothing wrong with him grabbing your butt (man they don't even allow the "A-word on here?), s **er or drunk, (especially as he referred to you as his girlfriend, presumably without objection from you) but you and I just have a difference of opinion about what's appropriate and what isn't. It doesn't mean he's demeaning you or patronising or disrespecting you like some feminist TV programmes would have you believe.

 

If it makes you uncomfortable just explain that to him and take it from there. But touching is part of liking someone! It doesn't mean that he only wants your body... That may be just one of the things he likes about you, and that's a good thing!

 

I just wanted to be drunk enuf to make out with him "accidentally" if that's making any sense lol.

He would be equally justified in posting a message on here saying, "She suggested we get drunk and was giving the signals, but when I started to touch her she pushed me away... What's the deal?"... His idea of limits and yours were different, that's all.

The solution here is that you two just have to work it out clearly what you are comfortable with in this early stage of your relationship.

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