Need some encouragement pls!!

[boston23]

Hi everyone...

I'm having a really hard day today and I'm hoping to get some encouraging words from some people out there.

 

I'm not sure exactly why today is so hard, but I have a couple of stressful days in a row (it was my birthday on Saturday and that ended up being sucky) and it just seems to have gotten worse. I'm not even particularly feeling bad about my ex today (although I do know that I miss him), I think I'm just having to deal with the aftermath of the break up. The break up was really difficult for me and I fell into a deep depression for a couple of weeks--that's doing better now that I've been seeing a therapist and getting some meds. But the break up did make me completely re-evaluate my life and where it was headed and I ended up deciding that I didn't want to be a doctor (which I've been working towards for the past 3 years...in grad school now, applying to med schools)...and now I'm feeling like "Omg, maybe I'm making a mistake, maybe I'm just freaking out about everything and just need to calm down" blah blah blah. I just can't seem to get a handle on things right now. (Oh, and of course to make things worse, I went to my parents place and realized that my dog is dying. Of course that would happen now. He's old, but has been in generally good health until about a month ago and now there is no way he's going to be able to live that much longer without a huge miracle.)

 

I just feel like I'm on this horrible cycle of being anxious about being anxious, and then feeling anxious about losing so much weight and then being anxious about pretty much everything. And I honestly haven't ever been a really anxious person. I'm going to work out later, but since my ex goes to the same gym (haha, of course!) I feel like I need to feel a little better to head over there (and I will feel tons better afterwards!)

 

I think I just need a little bit of encouragement, and maybe to hear from people that I'm not going crazy and that it's something other people out there have gone through. And maybe some useful tips.

[Dako]

I could've written your post in some regards. I'm a nervous wreck and keep losing weight.

 

Being objective about your emotional situation is difficult, isn't it?

You probably have friends telling you how things will improve, you're in a good place in life, etc.

I find some relief from escaping to new surroundings or writing down my blessings. Going outside helps, if you aren't kneedeep in drifts right now. Anxiety feeds on itself, and being upset by your anxiety is the pits.

Last night I had a spell of panic that put my stomach in a knot. Talking to a good friend helped break the spell.

[boston23]

Hi Dako

 

Thanks for replying! Your reply did make me feel better, although I am definitely sorry to hear that you're feeling similar to me! I just need to hear that I'm not a crazy person right now.

 

And I am kind of thinking that although in my post I said that I'm not upset about the whole ex thing, I totally am feeling upset about it and I'm totally in denial. I know I have tons of friends that would definitely help me out and talk to me about all this, but I just feel like I'm being a downer and taking up their time

 

Yeah, and of course it's too cold out to go outside....haha and I have a stupid exam to study for.

[hockeyboy]

Well, living in Boston myself, I know that this freezing cold weather can be kind of a downer. I also know that it can get you down when your birthday does not go well, as mine was earlier in the month and I pretty much ended up doing nothing. Your having a tough day, as I have them myself, but try to think of a recent day in which you felt good and remember that tomorrow could be back to that good feeling. Its an up and down ride, just keep fighting thru the low spots.

[Dako]

I'm definitely feeling pressure about unemployment, responsibilities and all, but I realize the key is in my head. I try to allocate time toward making progress in my chores, such as job search, and with my emotional needs. Lately I try to get out of the house and keep moving.

Right now I'm in a public library and multitasking, something I could do at home, but it'd bring me down.

 

You aren't crazy, and you'll be really understanding to your friends when they have needs.

[onewithbooks]

Just breathe. Take everything one second at a time, and remember what is going good in your life right now. You are taking charge of your destiny, and those decisions dont happpen overnight. I am glad you are talking to a therapist. Sometimes that is just the thing that a person needs in getting over the hurdles in life.

 

Look back at the past few months, look at all you have been through. Now look at where you are, here, in this moment today. Do you see what you have overcome? Loads of stuff. Going to the gym will be no sweat. (no pun intended). So what if you run into him, you shouldnt limit your world just because of him.

 

You arent going crazy. It just feels that way. I went through a lot of the same stuff when my ex and I called it quits. It was hard to be sure, and I am still on the road to recovery. Somedays it was all I could do just to get out of bed and breathe and try to hear what people were saying to me. The key for me was just to breathe and take it one step at a time.

 

I am glad to see you are maintaining a healthy exercise routtine, and I hope you are eating well. Doing both those things will help to reduce your anxiety. I learned that one from experience. Take care and my fingers are crossed for you!

[boston23]

Thanks for the replies...every single one is making me feel better I definitely just need a boost today. It's funny, on those days that I feel totally fine I don't really remember feeling bad, and then on the days where I don't feel fine (which are getting fewer, but still very painful obviously) I can't imagine ever feeling differently and can't believe that I felt totally fine a couple of days ago.

 

I think I'm going to brave the cold and the ex and go work out. Maybe after that I'll go to my school library to study instead of feeling like a hermit in my room. It's so nice to be able to hear from people here; I've been on the verge of contacting friends I haven't talked to for ages and just telling them I need a pep talk... haha and I'm sure that would be awkward.

 

Oooh and I will make a list of all the great things in my life to remind myself that I do have a pretty great life even if it feels not so good now.

 

Thanks again

[onewithbooks]

Its just a thought, but maybe instead of callig those friends you havent talked to in ages, send them a card. Not just a call that can be awkward or even an e-mail, just a real, snail-mail card that lets them know you are thinking of them.

 

I always love to get cards, and it makes me feel special to know that someone went to all that trouble just for me. Plus you will feel good after you do it.

 

Take care!

[Dako]

Thanks, both of you.

 

It's been a rough few days.

[Me and myself]

Hi

 

Boston23, I 'm not shure if I'm correct 'cause I don't have all the information about your past so I'm just guessing here...

It seems, from what you've said, that your anxiety is being fed by all the different problems you are experiencing in your life. So, you seem to be in a vicious circle.

But, did you though that this circle had a reason to start? Can you identify its cause? When did it started? Where did it started? With whom?

Probably when your bf broke up with you...remember, I'm just guessing.

Probably you have some unsolved issues about you relationship, maybe some that you are not aware of....

 

I hope this helps you in finding what's best for you.

[mariab.]

have you tried acupuncture? boy did it help me!!! yoga helps too! good luck

[boston23]

Hi

 

But, did you though that this circle had a reason to start? Can you identify its cause? When did it started? Where did it started? With whom?

Probably when your bf broke up with you...remember, I'm just guessing.

Probably you have some unsolved issues about you relationship, maybe some that you are not aware of....

 

I hope this helps you in finding what's best for you.

 

Hi M&M: Yup, it all started with my boyfriend broke up with me or rather it started when our relationship started having issues and I had no way to deal with them since he has a passive aggressive way of dealing with problems. I probably have tons of unsolved issues about the relationship (and yes, many that I'm not aware of) but I'm not really sure what to do about going about resolving them. I've been NC for 15 days, and the contact before that was a really nice email to him after he accused me of "taking people away" from him. I don't think that getting in touch with him now would be a good idea since I have no way of controlling his reaction and I'm in such a vulnerable state anyway. Maybe I just need to accept that I'm still at the beginning stages of healing and continue writing in my journal. Any other thoughts about resolving my issues about the relationship? I honestly think that having a confrontation/talking with him could be cathartic and helpful, but it could also put me back at square 1. Also, I wouldn't want to admit to him that I'm having such a hard time; the email pretty much said that everything's great, it was tough getting over him but I'm feeling much better, etc etc.

 

mariab-- Thanks for the suggestions! I have tried acupuncture for asthma before and it completely worked; I hadn't even thought about trying it now! I will look into it. And I should definitely start doing some yoga.

 

I went and worked out; feeling somewhat better...and the guy I have a slight crush on was at the gym and winked a me so that's always nice!

 

thanks for your support everyone!

[Me and myself]

I probably have tons of unsolved issues about the relationship (and yes, many that I'm not aware of) but I'm not really sure what to do about going about resolving them.

 

Hi boston23

 

To solve them it would be helpfull to have a civilized and open-minded talk with your ex about the break up. But since he sent you a last e-mail making accusations, I believe this conversation is not possible, at least now.

Keep your NC, do your things, think about you only and think that the future sometimes gives us a surprise. Maybe in a few months you might have this conversation with him.

A good way to keep in touch with your inner self is by writing. That might help you finding those unsolved issues.

 

Good luck on your journey in this new world.

[boston23]

Thanks for the advice! It sounds like you think that I should continue to do what I've been doing. Except I was hoping that it wouldn't take months to be able to talk to him about this stuff, but at this point I definitely should be happy that I've been able to grow from this experience.

 

I think that he needs a little more time than I do to come to that point.

 

Thank you!!

[Parsley]

Hey boston

From reading all your posts on the NC challenge it seems like you're facing so many difficulties. The last time I remember hearing you sound positive was when you decided that not becoming a doctor was the way to go.

 

I can empathise with the anxieties, I'm feeling similar things. A few years ago I lost a lot of weight in a short time, and now people keep saying that I'm looking thinner and it worries me a lot, as well as worries like you said Dako, about unemployment, and that I'm becoming somewhat of a recluse. I've been living back home for about 2.5 months now, and I've only seen my 2 best friends that live here twice in that time, not at all since the break up.

 

When the worries and anxieties threaten to consume me I tend to write a huge long letter/diary entry, then go for a bracing walk. It's so ridiculously cold out at the moment, so it always is bracing. I plug my ipod in, put it on shuffle and listen to whatever comes on and think about whatever it makes me think about. I find that, though people say when you're feeling depressed you shouldn't dwell on it, if I ignore it it just escalates. So I let myself wallow for awhile...let it all out in the letter and think about it on the walk, then come back and bury myself in something else.

 

I totally believe that you can come out the other side of this a fantastically strong person. It's just the image I've built up of you from what I've read, and my resolution this year is to trust my instincts....

[Me and myself]

It sounds like you think that I should continue to do what I've been doing. Except I was hoping that it wouldn't take months to be able to talk to him about this stuff...

 

Well, the time it takes it's on his hands now and you cannot do nothing to change it. Keep what you're doing and you'll be fine!

[boston23]

Hey boston

 

I totally believe that you can come out the other side of this a fantastically strong person. It's just the image I've built up of you from what I've read, and my resolution this year is to trust my instincts....

 

Aww, thanks Parsley! That made me feel really good to read Sometimes I guess it's just hard to keep in mind that despite feeling upset, everything really will work out with time. I think this whole break up thing uncovered a lot of things that I needed to work out anyway, and now is my opportunity....so I'm getting to work on getting over my ex and all this other stuff. yay. fun for me. No, but really, it's a good thing and I really will end up a better and stronger person for all this.

 

Me and Myself: I will continue on this path and just be patient with myself and all this stuff.... I guess I knew that's what I need to do (in my head) but it's definitely something that I needed to hear from someone else.

 

I'm so glad I found this site. Really, hearing from everyone has been such a great support.

[Me and myself]

I think this whole break up thing uncovered a lot of things that I needed to work out anyway, and now is my opportunity....

 

Now you're talking!!! That's the way to go. I'm also taking this opportunity to look more for myself...in a certain way I'm thankfull to my ex for breaking up with me. I like her so much that it made me think carefully why things didn't worked out and I've found a lot of things about me I had never though before. I'm also taking this opportunity...