Jump to content

Past relationships re-surfacing...


adidas7fire
 Share

Recommended Posts

I am thinking about asking my boyfriend of 3 years to partake in something that I think would benefit both him and I and our relationship. I am wanting to gather all of our things from past relationships that he and I have been in and burn/trash them... kind of like a clean slate. I don't know why we haven't done this before but this is something I have thought about for a while and think that this would be the perfect time now that Valentine's Day is near. Would you do so if your significant other asked you to do so or would you find it offensive/insulting? I'm talking about letters, cards, things of that nature. I know pictures are different but I'm even willing to get rid of those because those people of my past don't mean what my bf means to me... and I have no intentions of re-living the past. What would you do? Thanks for any responses.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, if someone asked me to do that I would interpert it as them trying to get rid of my past, control me, or that they did not trust that I was over an ex.

 

Would you do so if your significant other asked you to do so or would you find it offensive/insulting?
I probably wouldn't.

 

I think what people do with their personal belongings is, well, personal.

 

Ask yourself what this symbolizes to you, and also how you would react if he says that he does not want to destroy the items you had in mind.

 

BellaDonna

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I'd be very uncomfortable with that suggestion. The past is to some degree who we are. The fact that your bf and yourself are willingly together today should indicate to each of you mean more to the other than the past relationships. It really shouldn't be necessary to wipe out all trace of anyone else from the past. You're asking someone to give up part of who they are, part of their life, which is now preserved as memories, and I personally wouldn't be at all happy to do so, even if I have no intention of reliving the past either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I personally would be very offended by that request. If you want to burn the stuff from your own past relationships, that's fine. But it's not fair for your to ask your partner to do the same thing because he might not feel the same way as you. I keep the items from my past boyfriends not because I am still in love with them and can't let go, but it's because they were once a part of my life and I'd like to keep things for memory sake.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with the above posters. If my bf asked me to do that I would view it as controlling and insecure.

 

My past is just that, but I have a few pictures and cards tucked away that are a part of who I am now... and have nothing to do with my present relationship with my bf, or our future together. I know that in some closet in our house he has a few pics of his ex too. That's OK. We are together now and the pictures are not displayed all over the house or anything, but they have some sentimental value.

 

I wouldn't ask him if I were you- I think this is an idea that will backfire in your face and more likely start a fight than bring you closer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What if I were to bring it up nonchalantly as it being an idea I heard on the radio (since that's really where I did hear it) and seeing what his opinion was about it? I would think that that wouldn't be coming off as being jealous or controlling but more of getting his opinion (and of course hoping that he'd say sure and partake).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After reading all your replies, you guys may be right. It was just something I heard on the radio as an appearance they were holding where single people would take their items from past relationships and burn them in this huge bonfire they planned on having... because many believe V-Day is a hallmark holiday. I thought about applying it to my relationship but I guess if it hasn't been a problem in the past, why should it be now, right? thanks you guys. You may have just saved me from a huge mistake.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • If Only A Narcissist Could Say THIS
      The more you are exposed to a narcissist, the more you struggle with the question: "Why can't this person appreciate the legitimacy of me succeeding?" Dr. Les Carter muses about a statement that you won't hear from a narcissist, but offers strong words of affirmation about how to thrive despite the narcissist's gaslighting.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Surviving & Maintaining The No Contact Rule
      Surviving and maintaining the no contact rule to take your power back so you can attract better and reach your full potential. In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who went through a bad breakup about a year ago. He says that his ex broke his heart into pieces and my work helped him get through a very dark time. He says she is stalking his social media and calls from different numbers, but he has not given into weakness or the urges to let her back into his life. It’s an interesting account of a man’s journey to self-love, self-respect, healing and overcoming a toxic relationship that no longer serves him.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 spiritual habits that changed my life
      5 spiritual habits that changed my life
      • 0 replies
    • When a Man Ignores You - One Text Makes Him Regret It Immediately!
      In this video, I'm going to explain what to do when a man ignores you. I will also explain the reasons why men ignore the women they date and you will learn 2 powerful text messages that will turn things around and make him regret it and change his behavior. Are you Being ignored by someone you care about? IF so, you know it’s one of the most frustrating and difficult situations to deal with especially when you don’t know the reason. That’s why In this video, I’m going to share the reasons why the person you’re dating or interested in might be ignoring you. And I’m going to tell you exactly what to do about each of them.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Johnny Berba's best tips for mental health improvement: taking action reduces anxiety & depression
      In this video, Johnny Berba shares his best tips for conquering anxiety and depression. Maintaining good mental health is not as hard as some people think, it's really about taking small action steps.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...