I still feel stressed & depressed.......

[Lily04]

I feel inadequate, lost, scared, and stressed.....and unable to control it. I just get heaps of energy, like a caffeine-high and can't concentrate....I just want to have control, I want to feel satisfied for once but I can't.

 

I started seeing a psychologist but he's not very helpful anymore, and I think he's also become attracted to me and now I don't feel comfortable around him. But he was the only one I found who partly understood me.

 

It's not related to relationships....but I just feel like everything is breaking down. I get letters from past friends at school congratulating me for getting into law school (I never stated I did, but as I work at the law school they simply assumed...) I get internships. I promote this image of success when I never truthfully got accepted, and my grades are crap, and I have an OCD disorder and I can't control that. I feel like I want to breakdown.....I just want to focus on 3 things, maybe 2 courses and work. But I already paid thousands of dollars for the courses I have, and... I just feel like my world is disintegrating around me. I have to appeal to have my grades changed from last semester, and I'm not sure it will be approved. My workplace is not satisfied with my efforts..I was hoping to have the job for more than a year but they said that may not be a possibility, and they'll have to reopen it for candidates again next year. I feel like I'm not focused anymore. I feel lost. I feel like I want myself again.

 

I posted pictures of myself at a club this weekend on Facebook....with 2 girls who are fashion models...everyone is saying I look hot. They look hot, they think I'm their friend, they think I'm one of them when i'm not. No one really knows me. I want to be a million things but it's not me. I don't even know what I am anymore. I used to be a focused student who drove herself crazy trying to get good grades but then failing... because of multiple issues mostly related to perfectionism and low self-esteem...I was such a perfectionist I wouldn't turn in my work. And then fail with the late penalty. Now....I'm a perfectionist with my appearance. But I've lost track of who I am.

 

I've never been in a relationship. I have guys wanting to have sex with me everytime I go out but i've never had sex. I've never had anything meaningful, it just transpires, like sand, lost and slips from grasp.........

 

How do I find control, and how do I find myself again?

[CluelessGuy321]

 

 

*hug*

[robowarrior]

If you consider yourself like a farmer, a farmer can only have so much load of hay on his fork ,before it becomes to heavy and the farmer will fall. I think that your pay-load is waaaay to much, more then you can handle at all. You are having so many courses at the same time. 3 people would be needed to get them all done, along with the job that you have. Because there are loads everywhere you cannot properly start-finish one thing, without having another subject suffer , meaning you can't get the job done at any front and the general picture as a whole starts to deteriorate.

 

If you are a beautifull woman, people want your beauty , people look on the surface, and not at the soul that lies behind the face. That way they'll never get to know you. So finding a person who understands you without getting distracted by the face is hard to find.

 

So what you have to focus on now, ist your inner self.

Balance is the keyword for your life, and not putting up a load on yourself that is more then you can handle. Instead of going to shrinks that fall in love with you, i suggest that you start balancing yourself. Try Yoga and spirituality, although it might sound crazy, your life is a mess and you need to find yourself back, and bring normality and sanity back in your life.

 

Strive to be 'normal' instead of 'perfect'

 

That way you will stay under your limits, yep you might not reach that uber perfect picture, but its time you put up your middle finger towards society and all those who expect you to be superwoman. Work for yourself at your own pace instead.

 

I think its terrible all these demands that you imposed on yourself, release yourself from the unneccesary chains, and only do those things in life that are neccesary to keep you alive.

 

You do what you can do. And when you are unstable a relationship is the LAST thing you want. It doesn't work that way.

 

Having your future arranged first, bringing stability in your life, and having everything worked out, and once you completed that, then you may think about commencing a relationship with someone you love.

 

-stability

-balance

-not overloading yourself

-normal expectations instead of rediculous ones.

-Yoga and spirituality

-meditation

 

The meaning of life is to love and help others, its what brings happyness in your life. Try this and come back here often to vent your feelings, we'll help you thru this.

[Lily04]

Hi robo,

 

Thanks...I was just really stressed and feeling fed up with life. I think I'm just going to take it slow, one step at a time....try not to look too much into the future because it causes too much apprehension and stress.

 

I think you're right in that I have to have more realistic expectations of myself and not be too perfectionistic...that was essentially what my psychologist & professors said as well... but I'm always confused when people say "have everything worked out" and "have your future arranged first" before you start a relationship... that's a lot of stress too. To have things work out, everything "stable" in your life before you can consider sharing it? What if that takes months, years, what if you never 'have your future worked out'? I'm not sure that's a realistic suggestion either...but thanks for the advice.