Suggestions for giving Sympathy

[Vessa]

Hey everyone,

 

My professor recently emailed us to say that the reason several of her classes were canceled was because her mother passed away a few days ago. I feel really horrible for her, and I would like to email her back with some kind words, but I'm having trouble finding them. I don't want to say anything that'll sound rude.

 

Any suggestions?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Vessa - I suggest something simple :

 

Many condolences. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

Sincerely,

Vessa

 

How's that?

[EvaGina]

Is it a small class? Would she know who you are??

[notsomuch]

White flowers, minus a card. My aunt who was very close passed away a few months ago, and the cards filled with kitch poems just reminded me of the loss. When people left names it just made me feel embarrassed that i didnt have the energy to respond.

Its touching you care so much.

[Vessa]

Hey Vessa - I suggest something simple :

 

Many condolences. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

Sincerely,

Vessa

 

How's that?

 

Simple and quick is what I'm looking for. That might work. I was hoping for something with, "I hope you feel better" or something like that.

 

Is it a small class? Would she know who you are??

Yes, it's a small class. She's getting to know us individually, learning our names, and so forth.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I hope you feel better seems empty - in my personal opinion.

 

Makes it seem like there's something wrong with her that needs to get better. But there's not, she's probably just sad and profoundly so and wishing it away for her doesn't relate.

 

Offering your heartfelt condolences says that you are sad for her loss as well but also that you acknowledge there's not a lot one can say to make the situaiton better....

 

...of course they're all just words.

 

-My most sincere and heartfelt condolences for your loss.

 

-My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

 

- I am sorry for your loss.

[Vessa]

White flowers, minus a card.

Flowers might be a little much, and I don't know if I can afford them. (I'm a poor college student.) What do you think of, say, a picture of some sort? I'm an artist -- I could make her something.

 

My aunt who was very close passed away a few months ago, and the cards filled with kitch poems just reminded me of the loss. ...

Its touching you care so much.

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

I was thinking of sending a poem, but if you say it might make the pain worse, then I'll try to avoid that.

 

I have a lot of respect for my professors, and this one is particularly nice. I just want to let her know that I understand how she's feeling and that I'm not some brainless desk-monkey taking notes.

[EvaGina]

If she knows who you are then it is kind to offer help... keeping it informal and as lighthearted as possible without being flippant is good... the heavy responses you get when in grief can be heart wrenching, especially as you are not a close friend or anything.

 

notsomuch had it spot on when she said she didnt have the energy to reply... making your presense known without making her feel obligated to reply to you is good.

 

"Sorry to hear of your loss.

If there is anything I can do to help, just sing out.

Otherwise, my thoughts are with you and your family."

 

I dont know... I dont deal with death well at all.

[Vessa]

Offering your heartfelt condolences says that you are sad for her loss as well but also that you acknowledge there's not a lot one can say to make the situaiton better....

 

...of course they're all just words.

 

-My most sincere and heartfelt condolences for your loss.

 

-My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

 

- I am sorry for your loss.

 

That's the expression that I want to get accross, but the word "condolences" scares me somewhat. It doesn't sound like a word I would use -- too formal, I guess.

 

And yes, they're words. But words are very powerful -- which is why I don't want to choose the wrong ones.

[AwdreeHpburn]

As Eva gina said - it all depends on how well you kow her. Sending flowers or poetry to someone you hardly know is NOT suggested.

 

If you do know her fairly well, NOT sending flowers is is a bad idea - you should if she's a close friend.

 

If she is a professor whom you respect, a simple message is plenty and will be greatly appreciated.

 

Condolences is not neccessarily a formal word but very common in the situation. Its almost a given....BUT if you don't use that particular word, condolences is the sentiment you're sending anyway....with any words you choose...

[Vessa]

How's this?

 

"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

 

If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Otherwise, you and your family have my deepest sympathies."

[charley]

Many good suggestions here in this thread.

 

I'd likely say something simple like: "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm thinking of you. Looking forward to seeing you in school again."

 

That shows sympathy, concern, and ends upbeat, IMO.

[charley]

How's this?

 

"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

 

If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Otherwise, you and your family have my deepest sympathies."

 

That's good, but I'd eliminate the word "Otherwise". Also, what can you do about it? Nothing probably.

 

So I think I'd alter your idea to say: "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family have my deepest sympathies."

 

I still think that ending with "I look forward to seeing you in school again." is a positive ending. So maybe add that to end.

[annie24]

I would say leave a simple card in her mailbox. real card, not an e-mail. Just say, "I am sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family." or you can look around the hallmark greeting card section.

 

I would definitely go with a card, not an e-mail. no flowers, because then it will look like you are trying to kiss up for a grade.

[EvaGina]

That's good, but I'd eliminate the word "Otherwise". Also, what can you do about it? Nothing probably.

 

So I think I'd alter your idea to say: "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family have my deepest sympathies."

 

I still think that ending with "I look forward to seeing you in school again." is a positive ending. So maybe add that to end.

 

With the "I look forward to seeing you in school again"... to me, if I was stressed and upset, it would just a reminder of obligations I was not filling.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I too would omit the word otherwise...

 

Other than that, it sounds really good to me.

 

I personally don't think it matters if its a real card of an e-card. Again - back to the how well you know her or her family thing....

 

Offering your help is really a nice touch.

[NKP]

Yeah, i would go with a card, to me cards mean alot more than just an email