What do I say when they ask?

[nomoretears4uboo]

So of course, I told my best friends everything. How things werent going so well, how he broke up with me then after he broke up with me, the next day I found out he had cheated on me, but he still doesn't know that I found out he cheated.

 

So, I have tons of people that will start asking me WHAT HAPPEN? I know I don't owe anyone an explanation. But, what exactly do I say when people ask? I would like to tell people he's a cheating lying bastard. So people can know the kinda person my ex is.But, I can't because, he doesn't know that I know he cheated. Plus I don't, don't want people knowing that he cheated on me . It makes me look like I couldn't make him happy, when if you read my last post about the break up and stuff, you'll see he does this because, he also has low self steem, I guess he thinks that makes him feel better.

 

So what exactly to i tell these people? I don't want to say, I got dumped and cheated on. What have you told them?

 

Thanks

[Dako]

"We aren't together anymore, and it's a sore subject right now. How's your job working out?"

[EvaGina]

 

poor button, I hate the having to explain thing.

I agree with Dako "it wasnt the best break up and I would rather not talk about it" in a nice, light manner will have people getting off your back

 

Good luck

[Beec]

Say something very much like Dako wrote.

 

In this case, the idea of dragging him down and letting everyone know he is a lying cheated ___ may sound good, but you saying that will seem more like you acting the part of a scoorned and shrilll woman. Instead, you jsut say what Dako wrote and act like you think he made the dumbest mistake he ever will. Don't say it is the dumbest msitake, but act like you think it is.

 

And think it is so. How often is he going to find someone who really cared about him?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Avoid trash talk for sure, makes you seem petty and bitter. I mean, when one has had their heart broken and their sensibilities betrayed, its expected that they're proper and breifly cordial.

 

However, I sort cling to those societally negaitve traits - petty and bitter - they're my best friends. I personally don't care if someone knows the truth.

 

I would say, "I ended it because he cheated on me." I know that isn't the case, but that's what I'd say anyway. Oh - and I'd add, "He's been trying to get ahold of me to "work things out", but I don't think I'm going to."

[EvaGina]

I dont think lying is ever good... if you get caught out you look like a complete tool.

 

Just act with dignity and keep your composure.

 

I had a really bad one a while back where I had to warn everyone at my jobs about him because he was stalking me. Having to tell people how badly he treated me was degrading and uncomfortable for everyone involved. People dont WANT to hear about your personal life unless they are good friends (or super nosey, in which case they can stuff off )

 

If people DO find out that he cheated on you, they will think you are all the more stronger for being quiet and strong about it. Keep the moaning and crying and slagging off for your good friends and family

[AwdreeHpburn]

wow!

 

Maybe people not wanting to hear about each other's pain because its uncomfortable is half the problem.....

 

I was kidding about the lying part - I don't condone or recommend it. I was joking. But to avoid the truth for the sake or not wanting to trouble someone is just as ludacious - in my opinion...

 

I mean, doesn't it mean something that they're even asking?

 

FRIEND - "So - what happened? Are you OK?"

 

OP - (said robotically) I am fine. We are simply no longer together but everything is fine. Thank you for asking. beep beep beep

 

MY personal opinion is that the OP tells people who are asking whatever she feels comfortable sharing - leaving out the parts she's UNcomfortable sharing.

[EvaGina]

 

Yea, thats fair enough.

If they seem generally concerned and she feels she wants to tell them more, then of course its fine!! Its her problem and hurt

 

It just seems to me that she wants to keep this a bit private, which is totally her desiscion to make.

 

The last post I made was more of a general thing, as opposed to being directed at the OP.

[lady00]

If it helps you feel better, tell your close friends the whole story. I don't see a problem with that. If people whom you are not close to ask, just tell them you two broke up. And if they ask why, just say "things just didn't work out." I'm sure they'll get the hint and not ask any more. If they do press the issue just be honest with them: tell them you don't really want to get into it.

 

I actually am a big fan of the way that press releases for celebrity breakups put it: "we ask that you respect our privacy during this time." But it sounds weird to actually say that to someone lol so I'd stick with just saying you don't want to get into it.