The EX is sleeping over....HELP!

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Hey you guys probaly don't remember me but I posted a few months ago about my seperation. Since then we have been really trying to make our "NEW" relationship work. We are communicating better than ever and I can actually say we are bestfriends again. Beside's dating and talking into the late hour of the night we have just been casually flirting. We hold each other and talk,kiss etc... But I have not made a move on her (like sexually)... I didnt want her to think that is all I wanted from her. She came over to my place thursday and said she'd like to spend the night. So does that mean I need to make a move? or do I just play it cool and see what happeneds. I can't lie I crave her but some reason I have been able to be the mature guy. I have no idea how though!. Basically please give me some info on how I should play this night out.

[friscodj]

Hey LLLA-

 

I've been in situations like this and I have some insight for you.

 

Before that though, I am happy to hear things are looking up for you guys! Always good to hear good news around here to that end! And you have identified and addressed the underlying issues which led to the split in the first place, right?

 

Aside from that paramount point, I think you are trying to "surgically overcompensate" here. What I mean by that is you are dissecting specific situations too carefully and fighting natural urges that may be overshadowing your perspective of the big picture here.

 

I agree that making changes to something that needs such changes in light of the separation will not feel "right" or comfortable. That is OK and is necessary until you guys develop a new and healthier normalcy that works for both of you.

 

But remember, you are still in a relationship here. An important part of that is physical intimacy I think and I've seen problems arise when you start equating correctness with withholding such physical aspects of intimacy, especially when these actions are not well communicated and as such understood, leading to feelings of rejection and insecurity on her part...

 

Sex is not all you want from her but it is some of what you both want from the relationship...

 

So the "move" I think you should make is talking to her about this and how you feel. Tell her you don't want this to be all about sex, tell her that you want to share deeper levels of physical intimacy with her that bring you closer and tighter, but you are conflicted because you really want the relationship to work and for your specific reason feel some conflict with this. Ask her how she feels about it and then let the conversation flow...

 

I think starting with intellectual and emotional intimacy in a situation like this stemming from communication will lead to deeper levels of richer physical intimacy and more importantly comfort in such.

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Wow you are really insightful.I should totally pay you. You just broke down everythought that was running threw my mind. Your right I should just tell her how I feel. Communication has been a big key in working this out so why should I stop now. I will definitely take heed of your words thank you for replying.

[friscodj]

Communication has been a big key in working this out so why should I stop now.

 

You came up with that one my friend! And you said all this was running through your head, implying I think you already knew the answers. Believe in yourself more man! You know more than you think...

 

As far as payment, you can come back here and tell us how good it's going for you...either that or Paypal...