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Me and this guy, Jaret met online about 2 years ago. He lives about 250 miles away from me, and we live in two different states. When we met we told eachother everything and we helped eachother with gf/bf problems and just life in general. We became the best of friends I guess you could say. Somewhere along the way we started to tell eachother "I love you," which I look back on and think is crazy being that I didn't even know the guy.

 

Not too long ago we started calling eachother once or twice a week, sometimes more. We started mailing eachother letters, anything to keep in touch. He is constantly telling me he loves me, and I admit at first I really didn't believe him and its not because of him but because of past relationships. Jaret knew exactly why I didn't believe him and one night we got into this big argument about how I was living in the past and I just needed to get over what has happened to me and move on. Jaret got very angry with me and told me when I got over everything then I could call him back. So I did just that. I relaized I couldn't love Jaret with all I had because I was living in the past, and I was still holding on to a guy who wouldn't dare love me again.

 

About 2 days ago I talked to Jaret for the first time in 2 weeks. He told me his phone was messed up or something and he couldn't call me. I believed him I suppose, and I didn't think anything of it When I talked him 2 days ago we got into an argument about his ex gf. I asked him he still loved her, and the answer he gave me was he didn't know. I took it as a yes because if he didn't he couldve said no. He tried to assure me that he didn't, but I know better. He talks about her sometimes and I can tell by what he says and how he says it that he wants her back. While we were discussing his ex gf he told that it wasn't any of my business and that it was between him and his ex. Which I don't see how its not my business because were practically a couple. I started crying so I just told him that when he figured things out then me and him to talk, and he agreed, and got off the computer.

 

Comes to find out, he singed on to a different screen name and told my bestfriend everything about his ex gf, but he wouldn't tell me, which really hurt my feelings. He made her promise not to say a word to me about it, but of course she told me.. I mean she is my bestfriend. Some of the things that he said about his ex I don't know whether I could forgive him for. He told her that he couldn't help but have feelings for her, yet he did love me. I want to forgive him because I love him, but in the back of my mind I'm always going to wonder if hes thinking about her, and I don't think I could live with that. I really love this guy alot, but I don't know what to do.

 

Please help me...

Sorry so long

 

~Jenn

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Jenn.

 

If you're always going to wonder about it then it's not really possible for you two to have a healthy relationship together, in my view. From what you've said your relationship hasn't been exactly healthy up until now either. Sounds to me like there are a lot of flairing emotions involved, lots of anxiety and anger. I think mostly the things he said were motivated by anger, but I do think he might still have feelings for his ex-girlfriend. That doesn't necessarily mean he wants her. We all have feelings for our ex's, I have two ex's, one from a long time ago, and another very recently, and even when we were together I knew that long-time ex- was someone I still loved very much, but is nothing compared to who then was my girlfriend. While I loved my ex- and would have done anything I could to help her if she needed my help in a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, I practically wanted to marry my girlfriend. I loved her so much, I'd stop the shift of night to day to keep her with me. People learn more and more each day, about life, themselves, and about other people as well. I believe what we allow ourselves to call love (and I use the word love very cautiously, I don't tell anyone I love them unless I really mean it), is something that by definition has to grow deeper each time. I believe his love for you is great. You've shared so much together, you've been friends before you were in a relationship.

 

I'll tell you this too - you might not be right for each other, but you love each other, you should do whatever you can to keep your relationship alive - even if it is a friendship and not a romance.

 

Keep on to him. Make sure he knows he can have you as just a friend and not a girlfriend (if you feel you could handle it), and I assure you - if you were meant to be, the day will come, and you will know it - that you are the most important thing in the world for him.

 

In the meantime? Don't limit yourself. If you come to the conclusion that this isn't right for you, even if it's just the timing, keep on the lookout for Mr. Right. He may come along at any moment!

 

Good luck!

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