Need help with major mixed signals!

[ladeedah]

So I am pretty sure this guy I like likes me. He is always trying to get my attention and coming over and talking to me about lame things,like he looks for excuses.He is an outgoing guy with everyone but with me he seems shyer. Sometimes,he will stand right in front of my face and make deep eye contact and other times he will look down to the floor if I look him in the eye. He is always looking to pass things to me,to connect with me but he never asks me personal questions like about my work or my family or how I am feeling. Its almost like he is afraid to show me that he cares, or maybe he doesn't? I'm so confused. When we talk about him sometimes he opens up about his own personal things and I know he is a very closed person. But I don't understand why he can't cross the line and show me that he is interested in my own personal life. Is he just not interested or is this another shy guy characteristic?

[Batya33]

The shy guys I have known - when they are sincerely interested in a woman - will get up the courage to at least ask her to have lunch or invite her to a small group activity, etc. I would continue to be friendly, open and approachable and see what happens.

[ladeedah]

I invited him a couple of months ago to a party at my house. He accepted the invitation. He was a bit distant to me maybe because my family and friends were around me but the fact is he came. Thats a good sign,right?

[annie24]

I think you should try flirting back a bit, see if that opens him up. You can casually mention in passing something that you would like to do like, 'yeah, I really want to go ice skating soon' or 'I am wanting to go check out that new restaurant soon' and see if that doesn't give him the hint.

 

why don't you ask him to coffee next time he calls you over to talk to him. like say, "I am kind of busy right now, but do you want to talk over coffee later?"

[Batya33]

I invited him a couple of months ago to a party at my house. He accepted the invitation. He was a bit distant to me maybe because my family and friends were around me but the fact is he came. Thats a good sign,right?

 

I agree that's a sign that he wants to spend time with you.

[real2]

Flirt with him.

[Altruist]

Give him more direct signals

[Ammy]

I agree with the post that said be approachable and wait for him to make a move, if he really is interested enough he will eventually pluck up the nerve!! ... Mixed signals suck!

[crazy300]

Hi laddeedah,

 

Im right there with you...so he still hasnt made a move!?? These guys need to be given a kick!

 

Im sure he likes you, I know you know it. Hes just beating around the bush. My guy did EXACTLY the same stuff your guys doing....EXACTLY. Never asked me personal questions, but kept making lame attempts to talk.

 

Guess what, He just emailed me recently...just to say hi, how are you.

 

The confusion never ends...

[Batya33]

I don't think it's confusing if you have the mindset that if/when he is really interested he will ask you out - nothing else is a signal as far as dating you. If all you want to know is whether he finds you attractive or enjoys flirting with you, that's fairly clear. If what you want to know is if he wants to date you then you know the answer right now - assume the answer is no (and this could change).

 

Sending an email with a casual "hi, how are you?" isn't a mixed signal - it's simply communication and it's not an invitation for a date and puts the ball in your court to respond and perhaps tell him how you are and ask how he is.

 

Many men who I've never dated or dated once or twice have kept in touch with me via occasional emails - some group emails some individual, some flirtatious, some not. They never had any intention of asking me out, or asking me out again (because if I was interested, I would email back "if you ever want to get together again, please let me know" or something like that. That wasn't a mixed signal from them - they just enjoy the email "flirting."

 

Life gets simpler if you realize that with few exceptions a man who is sincerely interested in dating you and available will ask you out on a proper date - and that goes for almost all shy men, men afraid of rejection, etc. Yes, you need to be warm, friendly and approachable but most of the time you don't have to do more than that. If you want to do more than that, mention an activity you like to do or ask if he wants to get lunch or coffee sometime during the work day.

[Altruist]

...Life gets simpler if you realize that with few exceptions a man who is sincerely interested in dating you and available will ask you out on a proper date - and that goes for almost all shy men, men afraid of rejection, etc. Yes, you need to be warm, friendly and approachable but most of the time you don't have to do more than that. If you want to do more than that, mention an activity you like to do or ask if he wants to get lunch or coffee sometime during the work day.

 

I respect your opinion Batya but the reality is that painfully shy man cannot directly signal their interest in a woman, let alone ask one out on a data. We cannot wish this reality away. My question is if no woman takes the initiative, should these men be doomed to eternal loneliness, never knowing what it feels like to hold a woman in your arms and to be loved? I don't think so. thereforeeee the challenge is up to the women out there to recognize these men and to take the initiative, even if it means dragging the shy guy to matrimonial bliss. Just my two dollars.

[Batya33]

The challenge is up to the shy guy to work on his issues - whether in therapy or otherwise. I would say if a man is that shy that he can't ask out a woman for coffee who has clearly and directly shown her interest then he might be interested but not available for a relationship. A man who is sincerely interested and available (including emotionally) will with few exceptions ask a woman out on a proper date he plans in advance - or at least to meet for lunch.

 

No one should do the "dragging" of either party - while the man typically does most of the planning, initiating and calling in the beginning the woman must respond with active interest and enthusiasm, as well as with appreciation.