Dealing with it.

[Despaired]

Hello,

 

This is my first time ever posting my personal problems on a public forum. I'm turning to this because I feel that unloading my feelings on my family and friends is beginning to cause tension. I'm really just looking for a safe outlet more than anything else.

 

I want to keep this as brief as possible, but I'll start with at least a quick description of myself. I am a 23 year old male. I live with a room mate (who happens to be my younger sister) and I've been divorced now for a little over year. I was married though for 4 years.

 

I've grown alot from my divorce. In most ways for the better. In some ways for the worse. Needless to say, the past year of my life has been learning to accept that it is over, and be able to move on. Which I have been gradually accomplishing. However, my divorce was key in refueling my poor self esteem and lack of confidence. Without getting into too much, my ex had an affair on me for 6 months and choose Christmas Eve 2005 to inform me of it. I blamed myself for quite some time.

 

My problem seems pretty up front. I have very little self esteem and confidence, which in turn causes me to see things I want, but unable to properly persue them. As of late, I find myself getting extremely frustrated because of it and lashing out in many unhealthy ways. Whether it's over a girl I might have feelings toward or a group of friends that I want to be close to. I end up bottling it up for as long as I can, until I ultimately unload it all at once. Usually on the wrong person. In some cases, I even go as far as to subconsiously sabatoge myself I believe. In hopes that I will kill of any chance of achieving what I want, and my feelings will then disperse. It isn't happiness, but it isn't misery. There is a quiet peacefuliness to it for a short time, until my heart attaches it to something else.

 

I want to believe that while there is no way of stoping these emotions, there are healthy ways to deal with it. And like most healthy things in this world, it will be a choir and require alot of practice to stay focused. But that after excerising it, it will become a habit. And that perhaps in time, I will feel it less and less.

 

Are there ay techniques that can be done to help weather out situations like this? I've been jelous of things before, but this is a consistant patter now and becoming more and more unbarable.

[Siriana]

I don't know how to help - it looks like it's about working on yourself as you said.

Discovering the bottom of things and learning how to change.

I think seeing a therapist might be good. It will be easier to get to the bottom of things with someone who learned how to show you that.

[Cid]

Getting on some med's might be your best bet, and try going to a therapist. But if you see your self setting your self up then try to stop it before it goes off.