Need some basic advice, please...

[puffy34]

Here goes.. I dated a wonderful girl for about a year, which we lived together for 8 months of. I totally thought I met my soulmate, and everything was fine. She has an 8 y/o daughter who lived with us too. Well, as time went passed, we seemed to get along great. Then due to my problem with alcohol, which I have resolved and quit all together, we ultimately broke up. I kicked her out of my place, her and her daughter about a month ago. It was hard for me and it is something I regret. I did treat her bad. During our time together we had a wonderful time, we enjoyed ourselves to the max. We clicked, and had lots in common. She did not trust me at times, she would check my cell phone and my pants to see if there was anything she could get me on. It did not bother me, I talked to her about it and told her that if she wanted to know something I would tell her. I was always honest to her and never lied. We had our disagreements and such, but thats normal.

 

Well now a month later, I seen her for the first time, we met and talked. It was great. I seen her four days in a row after that. I told her that I still loved her and regret what I did to her. We have a very strong physical attraction to each other. The other day, I took her to my house, she didnt want to go in, but she did. We ended up having sex, which was quite amazing. We talked about all that has happened between us, she told me she did not trust men, after what I did to her. She tells me that her heart is telling her to give me another chance, but her head says no. She says since I hurt her and her daughter so bad, by kicking them out, that it will take time and to take things slow. I know what I have to do, give her time. I am patient. She is not.

 

My question is should I continue 'giving this hope' or move on? She has some financial problems now, due to what I did to her, so I have been helping her out some. Its not about the money, I feel like doing it because I care about her. I just dont want to end up empty handed. I am in a difficult position now and need some good advice. I would do anything for this woman and she knows it. I just do not want to be taken advantage of, because it has happened in the past.

 

HELP ME!!!

[EvaGina]

If you ARE changing and willing to help her... I am sure you should hold on hope

people can change their ways, its totally possible (Seeing as I am living proof), so if she is important enough to you, I think you should do it,

 

HOWEVER... if you have any doubt, if you arent being completely honest with yourself, I think you should tell her to move on.

 

I dont think she is playing you, I think she deserves your help. You upset her life and I think you would feel alot better about things if you righted your wrongs

[Honey Pumpkin]

Ouch - that's a tough one. I don't think if I were here I could forgive you. Because of the daughter and being thrown out:

 

Then due to my problem with alcohol, which I have resolved and quit all together, we ultimately broke up. I kicked her out of my place, her and her daughter about a month ago. It was hard for me and it is something I regret. I did treat her bad

 

Why did you kick her out? I am confused here - unless it was tied up with the alcohol, in which case although you're doing really well, a month just isn't long enough to declare it all behind you.

 

Did she have somewhere to go? Did you give her notice to quit, or did you just put her out there and then? For me, I would probably not forgive you, because of my daughter.

 

I am in a difficult position now and need some good advice. I would do anything for this woman and she knows it. I just do not want to be taken advantage of, because it has happened in the past.

 

Sounds tough - because to be honest, this is not something you can just wave your magic wand and all is well. And if she doesn't trust you, and you are terrified she will take advantage of you, well read it for yourself. How can you rebuild trust between you when you both feel like that?

 

Have you thought about counselling? That might help to work through these issues, about why you got tangled up to such a degree that you could treat her like that. And about finding the way forward. Open communication and really listening to each other has to be the answer, I think, rather than just focusing on your own fears and anxieties.

 

Good luck!

[puffy34]

Thanks a million.. I see your point, however she did have somewhere to go, it was like she had planned it to a point. There were numerous times when living together, she would not come home from work for about 3-4 hours after her shift was over. She would tell me "i need to be myself" .. I would ask her what is that crap? I am here babysitting and have to be at work in 30 min when you are out drinking and socalizing? I would get really upset at her. She did it often but not always. She is the type of woman who says that she does not have to explain anything to anyone. I see her point but had a hard time with that due to the fact that we lived together and had plans for a future. That is the only reservation I would have about another try with her, and that to me is a big deal, but when I want to talk to her about it, she shuts down.

 

Apart from that, I myself am not a perfect person, but I am a good man. I provided for her every need as well as her daughters without a question in my mind. I was there 200% of the time and she knows that. I am not selfish, I put her needs first and I came second.