Does my boyfriend really care about me?

[qtdeb01]

Guys, I need your advice here.

My boyfriend and I have been dating about 8 months. I know that's not that long, but we already live together. the problem i have is that i can't tell if he has feelings for me. He never says anyhting. he acts very distant all the time, and only every now and then will he show any affection. the only times I can tell he cares about me is when he's been drinking. He's treats me well and all, but I need some reasurance. I don't know if he just has a hard time expressing his feelings or he just doesn't care.

[bigheart09]

Did he always behave this way?

[Jayar]

I can't tell you whether or not your BF has feelings for you... But I can tell you I wouldn't stay in this situation and he'd be sent packing without another thought, if it were me. Who CARES whether he isn't nice to you because he doesn't know how to be, or because he doesn't want to be? The point is, he isn't nice to you. So why settle for that?

 

It isn't your job to save every emotionally challenged loser who sets foot in your world. If someone doesn't WANT to treat you like you deserve, or they aren't in a position to (because of whatever emotional baggage) how is that your problem to determine? And especially after only 8 months!

 

Best of luck. You deserve it!

[Beec]

If he really shows he cares when he's beend rinking, but is otherwise reserved, I'd think that he does care, but also does not feel comfortable showing his feelings. Drinking lowers our inhibitions.

 

And Jayar, she said he treats her well, so why do you think he is not nice to her?

[TiredMan]

If he does it when drinking, then he feels it. He just might be shy and it's hard to communicate his feelings for fear of being hurt. He IS living with you though. Who made that happen? Was it his idea or yours?

 

If you do need lots of reassurance, perhaps the problem isn't him?

[adahy]

I agree with Jayar.

 

If "the only times you can tell he cares is when he's drinking"...that is not treating someone well.

 

Hopefully you've been in a healthy relationship, so you can tell the difference. Otherwise, what "seems" like good treatment is just a slighty higher level of bad treatment. I'm w/ Jayar...doesn't matter why. If he's not "filling" you and giving you the appreciation that you need...find someone that does. Be happy.

[Kalika]

Have you just sat him down and told him that you need more (sober) affection? If he doesn't know what your needs are, he can't fulfill them... He may be feeling the same way, that not being able to show his emotions is stifling the relationship and preventing you two from getting closer.. Either way, just try talking to him if you haven't already

[Hope75]

Hi There and Welcome to Enotalone!

 

 

Ok, so you aren't really feeling very special right now, but yet you say that he treats you well.

 

What are some examples of ways that he treats you well?

 

Does he make you feel loved? Considered? Respected?

[qtdeb01]

he basically moved me into his place. I was really sick one day, when I came over to his place after work. i wasn't able to go home that night, and i actually got sicker and he had to take me to the hospital the next morning. i was there for about a week. When i got out I went back to his place to pick up my car and he didn't want me to be home alone, so he asked me to stay. Then slowly he made it clear that he didn't want me to leave.

 

And last night after he had a few drinks at the suprebowl party we went to, he started talking about getting a house in six year, and he even asked me if I could have kids, and he wants 2 kids, one bofore his thirties and the other around 35. Does this mean that he thinks of a future together?

[pedrossi]

He probably wants a future together with you, but you'll never know until you talk to him about it.

 

Speaking as a guy, I know... we are HORRIBLE at interpreting hints from women. If you don't tell me straight out, I probably won't get it!

 

Talk to him!! What's the worst that could happen?

[anggrace]

I agree with Kalika- you should talk to him about how your feeling. Don't assume anything, find out. I know its intimidating to talk about your feelings, but you really should. Its the only way youll ever understand eachother. Its essential to talk.

[Jayar]

And Jayar, she said he treats her well, so why do you think he is not nice to her?

 

Uh, yeah, she SAYS he "treats her well and all" in one spot in a paragraph that, to me, screams NOT NICE... Maybe some of us just have higher standards. "Well and all" shouldn't be sufficient.

[Beec]

Uh, yeah, she SAYS he "treats her well and all" in one spot in a paragraph that, to me, screams NOT NICE... Maybe some of us just have higher standards. "Well and all" shouldn't be sufficient.

 

Well, it seems to me that the only complaint is that he does not readily tell her how he feels, but does take care of her. How many men volunteer to nurse a woman they don't care about? Not too many. On the other hand, how many men tell you they have feelings of love and other emotions which are not displayed by their actions. I think the man that actually takes actions that show he cares for you is the preferable man, of the two.

 

And I would think a woman would more easily get such a man to open up a bit, because he does care about her.

 

gtdeb01, does he know how you feel about him? What have you told him?

[qtdeb01]

thank you so much everyone,

 

i finally talked to him about how I was feeling, and it all turned out great. He's coming out of his shell. I just want to clear things up about him mistreating me. he didn't mistreat me, he just wasn't very open with his feelings. He had a hard time talking about how he feels about me, but know that's done.