don't know if this is a breakthrough or a setback...

[disgruntledbaker]

short recap:

 

dated for 4 years, talks of marriage and whatnot, broke up over a month ago. been sort of NC for a month (snooped around and checked in on her often but never talked to/called her) then talked to sort of find closure for some issues. got that closure pretty hardcore, and it felt like breaking up all over again.

 

re-entered NC, this time without snooping. been getting out of the house as often as possible, which leads me to the topic at hand...

 

i can't see other people. i really can't. i just compare them to her in my mind, and at the moment i'm unconsciously elevating her to god-like status. it's not fair to the "new" girl or to myself. and honestly, despite what the brain is saying i think deep down im hoping the ex finds her way back to me anyway (hence positing this in the "getting back together" grouping). but i met someone last night.

 

shes a cute girl, pretty nice. little more wild and overt than i'm usually into, but thats what it took to get me to stop moping and come out of the shell i guess. someone willing to come more than half way. didn't go too far. a pair of my friends who introduced me to her came with us to her apartment after a few drinks at a bar. played some videogames while continuing to drink, and we sat with eachother sort of fooling around without going so far as kissing. very innocent.

 

it was the first time in MONTHS that i have felt desirable. that was probably my strongest draw to her. i didn't feel weak, inconsequential, or unimportant. i felt like a decent guy, and once i felt that way i started acting that way. it was a huge boost in the self-esteem department.

 

i know its classic rebound. and theres really no gaurantee it will ever go any further, we both sort of... erm... passed out before exchanging numbers or even last names. not that it would be too hard for either of us to track each other down considering the mutual friend network.

 

don't want to use her, or anyone. and i don't want to jump into something new so quickly. but seriously, it was the first time in recent memory that i was almost human in my own eyes. am i a bad person for all of this?

[Wandering_Sword]

Yes, most likely you're rebounding. But at the same time, as long as your not committed to this girl and you are both having a good time and she is aware of your situation then let the healing begin! Part of the healing process is to re-acquaint yourself to people (especially women) in general. My point is this, if you know what is on your plate and not throwing yourself wildly into a relationship (while fooling yourself into thinking that it is serious) then you are fine.