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Final Words Before No Contact?


Cyprian
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I wouldn't think too heavily on that. In the conversation I wrote about up there ^ my ex said "I'll email you that number tomorrow..." then a few minutes later "I'll ring you tomorrow" Neither happened. More annoying that the former didn't, cause it could get me a job that I desperately need!

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I was just wondering what most people attempted to express during the last conversation with their ex, before they initiated NC.

 

Obviously many people (myself included) did not realize that the last time they spoke with their ex would be their final conversation before NC, but if you have any advice on what you would like to have said, or if you are amongst the people who PLANNED AHEAD and actually did say, please post your final words...

 

My final words were: Have a nice life!

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I told her I would always love her, and something about call me if she needed to in the future.

 

I tried to leave the door open if she wanted to come back, but I feel I may slam that door in her face if she tries.

 

Then I gave her a bag full of chocolates and told her Happy Valentine's Day. (She ended it the night before................so sweet!)

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I told him that I am still interested in him and I am risking rejection here but need to tell him because it makes me feel foolish to email sporadically like we still do and not see each other. It is mixed signals. He responded that he is just so busy.

 

I asked him directly if he is interested in me still. He didn't give any discernable answer. I told him that we know each other well enough that we should be able to just get it out and talk about it. Still, he was evasive and I wasn't getting anywhere with him, so I told him that he is a capable guy and knows where to find me... I asked him to please leave my jacket on his porch and I'll swing by to get it and goodbye.

 

He showed up in my driveway less than 1 hour later with my jacket. I went out and he asked if I'm mad at him... I said, no, I'm just really busy. We exchanged the last few things we needed to get back from one another. Then we just kind of looked at each other and it was that pivotal moment where it could have been a kiss but I (strangely enough) wasn't feeling it. I thanked him for coming by and turned to leave. That was it.

 

I wasn't getting anywhere with him and it felt great to get it all out, finally, because I needed the roller coaster ride to end. I don't expect to hear from him again. It was a juvenile ending because of all the evasiveness IMO. Oh, yeah... this was Valentine's Day.

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Some of her final words:

I'm not selfish or egotistical I just do what "I" want...

The relationship was going wrong three weeks ago...

The relationship was going wrong in December....

We'll be better as friends than a couple

I need to sort my head out..(yeah u do)

Can I borrow the laptop for two weeks...

If I stay I will be cheating on you...

 

Mine were: I'm going to go out for a walk now...

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  • 1 month later...

final words,

 

thank you my love for all that you have done for me, you made me experience pain, degredation, humiliation, I didn't enjoy the ride (I did it only because I thought you needed someone to help you recover from your anger and pain) I am now, with the help of special and dear friends who are being incredibly supportive and loving, will be wearing my wings that have been recently fixed and fly far far away.

I wish you were at the party I gave in honour of you "the end of a relationship party" it was a book signing party the one I created in memory of you.

No one will ever be the same as you, of that I'm sure, (and I don't mean it as a compliment) but now I wish you all the happiness in the world, may you find your own wings and fly far far away, in a place of abondance and serenity.

You may never know how to really love someone, but I know you have tried, and did not succeed.

I wish you can find the same wonderful and complimentary support I'm finding. What I experienced while with you was an earthquake, a devasting worldwind, you stripped away every inch of me including my own dignity, thank god for a certain angel that is watching out there for me and showing what a real man is capable of giving, you know who you are I wont mention your name (thanks for the wings, xxx - but please write that guide for men some will really benefit from it.

a part of my heart will never be regained, nor do I want it back, that part you can keep. Keep on with your lies if you wish but know that you will never find happiness without confronting yourself and you will never find happiness unless you face what you have done to all of us for your own selfish satisfaction.... if that's what you are even searching.

I know now you never loved me, and that you are not capable of loving anyone, I am sorry for what you are missing out on?

addio

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  • 3 weeks later...

My final words were in an email about a month ago. It was after a really difficult period where we were kind of still in touch (well basically I kept calling her to beg her back, not dignified at all but this was my first real break-up lol...) I'd got very angry with her about her new bf who she'd started seeing only about 2 weeks after we split up; and I suddenly felt incredibly remorseful, I think I was still in the not-allowing-myself-to-be-angry stage. So I sent a longish email basically absolving her of any blame, saying I'd definitely like to be friends somewhere down the road once I was over her, etc. Basically absolutely everything she would have wanted to hear. This was written at a time when all I wanted was for her to 'forgive' me for being angry with her, altho I now think she probably deserved a bit of anger frankly.

 

I knew it was going to be my last bit of contact - she sent a reply which I could have replied to but didn't see the point in which she said 'take care' etc. and that the fact I'd 'believed' her over the new man meant a lot, which it probably did (I'd thought she'd cheated but actually I really don't think she had, but she still moved on far too quickly IMO). None of this was terribly dignified for me. BUT - what I realised is, I'd got into a position where I could never leave things perfectly, with everything said exactly how I wanted; in any case, I'm still going thro emotions now, every day I think of some little thing I could have asked her, sorted out, etc. The fact is I pushed her enough to know that she left me because she no longer loved me (all her other reasons were excuses to protect me, but I'm definitely the type that HAS to know) and nothing else beyond that really matters - I just need to focus on me now.

 

The main motivation for going over 'final conversations' etc. in the dumpee's mind is to look for chinks of hope, or wonder if you've 'left the door open'. Well it was in my case anyway; and all that is destructive. The door needs to be closed firmly, and moving on should be the order of the day. That's not to say that anyone on this thread who's thinking of breaking up shouldn't think carefully about 'that last conversation'...but if it's over it's over, and dwelling on final bits of contact, while inevitable, is best avoided.

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The main motivation for going over 'final conversations' etc. in the dumpee's mind is to look for chinks of hope, or wonder if you've 'left the door open'. Well it was in my case anyway; and all that is destructive. The door needs to be closed firmly, and moving on should be the order of the day. That's not to say that anyone on this thread who's thinking of breaking up shouldn't think carefully about 'that last conversation'...but if it's over it's over, and dwelling on final bits of contact, while inevitable, is best avoided.

 

Well said my friend. I would add that my hope in creating this thread was that it would aid some people who have yet to have their final conversation. It was also created (maybe in a destructive fashion, as you put it) in the hopes that I would be able to have another "Final Conversation" with my ex. But as the days go on, I think that breaking NC to have another Final Conversation might do more harm than good. Still something that I cannot figure out, and no it is not simply an answer of "You're in NC, stay in it" or "You're just looking for excuses to talk to her." I'm passed those stages now. Thankfully.

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Mine left in the middle of the night and left a note. The note said i love you but im not in love with you and dont know if i ever will be. I just want to be on my own and i dont see us making it in the future. I dont want to waste your time or mine so its better i say it now then wait, P.S maybe one day we can be friends again. Mind you this is after over 5 years we were together.

 

I called her back a few days later just to tell her i really wanted for us and your kids to be together and was hoping to be a big happy family. Also i know we aren't in love now is because we live to far apart and its hard to when we live far away. I love you and always will and wish you and your kids the best in life. I will try to be your a friend "mind you i told her i never wanted to be friends after a break up " said when you feel comfortable enough give me a call im hear for you anytime. She said it would be a while before she would call. I'm on week 8 of NC but i know its over for good this time.

 

When the day comes if she ever calls im either gonna to one of two things. First would be not to answer her call at all, or B meet up with her hang out then spit a big lugee in her face J/K. I know i cant be her friend i said it out of pitty and hope she would change her mind. Well i still miss her and i now its gonna be a while before im back in the game. Hurts most knowing she moved on already its sad real sad.

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I told him this:

"I need to move on and get over this, I'm sorry, I need more than you're willing to give. I cannot be your friend right now, but take care of yourself." He called me back five minutes later (I had to do it on the phone as we hadn't been face to face in about a month and he'd just ditched me for my b-day). He tried turning the tables on me and said, "I respect your decision, I understand. Sorry for hurting you. Can I still text you every once in a while?" My response, "Um, I'd prefer if you didn't." And that was the end of that *sob*.

 

Two months later we spoke again, so technically I broke NC. This time, our conversation consisted of him saying, "I just called to say TACO. Um, I have to go help a friend buy a router, I'll call you back later." And that was the last time we spoke, December 27th. Yes, he really did just call to say TACO. I think this was some sort of retarded pet name he had or something. Who knows. I think he was mentally unstable.

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  • 1 year later...

Setting: My car-dark and raining (OMG it was really was a dark and stormy night- The parking lot of his job. He just got off work 9:30

He was in the passenger side. I was semi-sitting on him, my face was buried in his neck and my arms wrapped around him. He wanted to go home and eat and then go to bed. I started crying. This was the last goodbye because he said, i could hug him and kiss him and that was it. When he heard me cry he dropped his arms and said "See, this is what I did not want to happen" I was still holding on. Maybe he thought i was trying to manipulate him. Which I wasn't. I never cried in front of him before.

Then I let go without looking at him and said quietly "Now you can go." and sat back in my seat looking down. He opened the car door , got out and slammed it. And just like that he was gone.

 

"Now, you can go." My last words to him.

](*,)

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Our relationship was always rocky.

 

We planned on meeting for dinner, I was running behind, he was grouchy at me for some decision I made regarding my children and their schedule. This dinner meeting was unplanned anyway kind of a "hey lets meet for dinner." Added into my other obligations.

 

He gets mad and tells me to just forget dinner.

 

After dropping my kids off, I go to where he is at. Of course he had already eaten and was in his car to leave. (did I mention I was only running 15 minutes late?) Tell him I'd like to have my cd (he'd had for awhile) and I want an answer as to what his intentions with me are and if we are even in a relationship or not. (He always took breaks but then would start acting like we were back together.)

 

He finally responded "I don't know what I want but I know I don't want to be in a relationship!!!!!!"

 

My response: "Great - after all of this and you admit you don't want to be in a darn relationship? Don't you EVER f-in call me! Ever! Even if God Forbid you hear of me losing a family member or if I happen to be sick or something - leave me alone and stop making excuses to contact me!!!"

 

I knew it was over for a long time. I just needed to hear him say that he didn't want to work on things..

 

That was in January. Even though we didn't communicate much, I seen him twice after that. I've been hearing from him for the past four weeks but it was no contact mostly for several months. (Besides the times of anger when I'd send him a grouchy text, he'd respond, and it was done..)

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A huge argument. Said things I absolutely meant at the time..now not so much. She hung up..technically tho thats the last time we spoke on the phone which was 3 months ago.

 

I texted her and asked if she was in love with the rebound..she said yes. That was 2 months ago.

 

Since then she wrote me a message in myspace wishing me luck in school. I responded politely. Today made a month ago.

 

So after before each period of NC thats what occurred.

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I said calmly it was very nice to have met him and left his home.

 

He wanted to break up, so we did. I didn't argue with him or beg him or any of the above (I can't say I was so calm in my last breakup with another man previous however). I was sad but accepting. Was kind of weird.

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I waited until he had taken the kids out one day then i moped about the house.

 

Then i grabbed a pen and wrote........6 pages of stuff i wanted to say, i never begged him to come back. i told him i should have trusted him, i knew he never cheated on me. i told him i have learnt a lot about myself and i will carry that with me to any relationship i ever have, although i didnt show it very well i always respected him.

 

i told him that i remember the good times and stilll smile about them now, that i have a lot of regrets but marrying him was not one of them. our wedding day and the day our son and daughter were born were incredibly special to me and i will always remember them.

i told him i would not wait for him forever, but he knows im right here if he needs me.

 

Told him i was always proud of him and he was a fantastic father.

 

i literally just wrote, i didnt go back and add anything, i didnt rub anything out.

 

i re-read the letter 4 times and decided i had said everything i needed to say, everything that i never got to say the day he walked out, or all the times after when i saw him.

 

i told him i would have done anythign for him, but im changing and im changing for me. no-one else. i will be independent again.

 

i signed off with "im not going to bother saying all the stuff about ill always be here because you know it now. but what i will say is that i love you with all of my heart."

 

 

he read it and it made him sad. i didnt write it to make him sad, i wrote it for me. but i never told him that, and probably never will. i hope he keeps the letter and one day reads it again. maybe he will be with me when he does, maybe he will be with someone else. the thought hurts of him being with someone else but i dont think about that now. i try not to.

 

we dont know what the future holds. do we.......

 

 

but somewhere theres a tiny glimmer of hope, and i need that right now...im not letting that go just yet......

 

xx

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Hmm well I don't remember exactly what I said. I have had the opportunity going in and out of NC for some time now. I think it's funny cause I've wrote some things down, in the beginning my thought process was it was all my fault, sorry, all the crap. Well I am glad that wasn't the last time I talked to her because the more time away the more clearly I see, and .. Hey Guess What? Not all my fault. I think most recently I said I do honestly want you to be happy, it means a lot to me. I can not help you get there.

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