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Final Words Before No Contact?


Cyprian
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I was just wondering what most people attempted to express during the last conversation with their ex, before they initiated NC.

 

Obviously many people (myself included) did not realize that the last time they spoke with their ex would be their final conversation before NC, but if you have any advice on what you would like to have said, or if you are amongst the people who PLANNED AHEAD and actually did say, please post your final words...

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I've always said to my ex that if one day we breakup, I will stay away from her. I don't see this as a plan or nothing like that, that's just the way I react.

When we brokeup (she did it) the only thing she asked me was what was I going to do and if that was the last time we were talking to each other and my answer was "I don't know! My head is a complete mess so I really don't know....".

So, I think she knows why I'm not contacting her, any words are needed.

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It was like a test to see if they really wanted me in their lives. If they did, then they would care enough to know that I was drifting away and they would reach out.

 

I have started my actual NC based on this strategy. She only called me once and that was it. We went for a cup of coffee the next day just because I asked her.

Since then, no more contact from her. I believe this is not a good strategy because it will make you feel hopes that, most probably, have no reason to exist.

She always said that it makes no sense to her why cannot be friends of her ex bf, she never could understand why some her ex's stop seeing her.

So I think she's just trying to help me by not contacting me, don't you think? So, I finally got my answer...she doesn't want nothing more from me than firendship. But it took me 3 weeks to understand that.

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I remember I had one last face to face, put my cards on the table and walked away with my dignity and feeling a sense of peace knowing that I did all I could.

 

Same here, I'm never afraid to tell them how I feel. I don't like playing games, and I feel better about myself for having the courage to open myself up, even if it results in serious heart break. This way there is no wondering "what if?"

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It's not easy to think ahead about what you are going to say when you are the one that's being dumped.. One who leaves probabily have speach prepared but one who is left behind can't find words even half year after that.. Speaking for myself.. I know that even now I would sold my soul to have him near..

In one I'm sure, if I survive this I will NEVER fall in love again, it is so destructive feeling that distroyed my life..

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I was just wondering what most people attempted to express during the last conversation with their ex, before they initiated NC.

 

Obviously many people (myself included) did not realize that the last time they spoke with their ex would be their final conversation before NC, but if you have any advice on what you would like to have said, or if you are amongst the people who PLANNED AHEAD and actually did say, please post your final words...

 

Hey Cyprian,-- Great question & thread topic. (Check out my story in the ex-bf/gf relationships Forum: still crushed 12 years later.....)

 

Boy oh boy is this a huge thing in a breakup. I have replayed my last conversation with the ex millions and millions of times in my mind. I was so destroyed after the relationship disintegrated... I needed to see her one last time before I moved away (with my new gf (and future/present wife)). So I set up a meeting at a bar/restaurant we used to go to.

 

Uncharacteristicly of me, I really tore into my ex that day. (I always treated her like Gold)... I purposely met her in a public place so as not to have the situation Blow-Up. My words were carefully chosen and delivered to truly express my disappointment and spite.

 

It was like a true role reversal for us. I definitely planned mine out ahead of time. I had a clear and present message for her. My pain turned to Anger that day. I was "Fired-Up" and vengeful, while she was emotional & confused. I started NC right after that moment, literally disappearing into thin-air the next day. Out of her life, forever and completely! 12 years later, I remember that day so vividly... I think about it in the middle of the night all the time, still.... very haunting.

 

I'm glad I had the opportunity to do this. I never could have moved on without that last conversation. I was happy with the way I expressed myself, it felt good to get-in-her-face alittle. She needed to be put in her place finally, she had treated me pretty badly toward the end... but I always loved her so much and I wanted it to work so badly that I never really cut into her like that. It was hard to do, but something I had to do!

 

I say plan ahead, and really get to the heart of the matter. Tell'em the truth! Good Luck !

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In one I'm sure, if I survive this I will NEVER fall in love again, it is so destructive feeling that distroyed my life..

 

Distroyed one, I used to feel the same when I found out that my first love cheated on me for years. That feeling stayed for 8 years until I met my last ex whom I was madly in love with. I think we are capable to love and we will when we meet the persons. Don't let the past destroy your future.

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It's not easy to think ahead about what you are going to say when you are the one that's being dumped.. One who leaves probabily have speach prepared but one who is left behind can't find words even half year after that.. Speaking for myself.. I know that even now I would sold my soul to have him near..

In one I'm sure, if I survive this I will NEVER fall in love again, it is so destructive feeling that distroyed my life..

 

Be logical about your situation. You are young, you are capable of loving, you have friends, family, us on this site, You WILL find love again. I would bet my life on it. You sound like me a little while back. Trust me, you will laugh about this someday laying in bed with your new, loved one.

 

When someone breaks up with you, it's easy to feel like you were not good enough for them. There is no person in this world that is better than another. There are however people that are better for eachother. You will find him, be excited! Build yourself up, mentally emotionally, and physically. Get yourself ready for him. You will be his saving grace.

 

PM me if you ever feel hopeless, I've been there

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Well, because the break up was talked through to death and a long time coming, I think I was mourning for a time even when we were still officially together.

 

I had drifted, but still left some doors open tentatively, and ended up in bed with him.

 

That night, lying in bed together, I had to suppress great shouts of "I love you! I love you! Please, let's try again. It's not over."

For real.

Instead, I cried in his arms and I told him he would not be seeing me for a very long time. I loved him, and one day I wanted the chance to actually have some sort of relationship again.

 

We started as friends, for a very long time, and that was the hardest part to give up.

 

What I wanted said, he did say, because I asked him. I asked him directly the very tough questions, and it hurt very badly because they were not what I wanted to hear.

He asked me the tough questions, and I could tell it was painful for him too.

 

Clarity. I couldn't have a question left hanging, that makes it harder.

 

In some cases, there is no choice but to leave without answers - when there is abuse, if there has been infidelity you may not get your answers, and other cases too.

 

But if you can talk it out and walk away knowing, and having given all the information and healing you possibily can, I think that is the way to do it.

 

hope this is on target. Great Post.

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Yeah if you can get all your answers and then walk away saying goodbye that is the best scenario. I knew I would not get any answers and really did not want to know the answers to my questions (she cheated and lied for months about it). So the last face to face ended with me saying what a shame it was the way everything ended and her crying and me walking away.

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I have never gone NC but here's what I'd say.

 

"I love you, you know I love you, and I always will love you unconditionally, but being together is doing neither of us any good. We had a good experience together. I have happy memories of our time together, but now it is time to forgive and let go. I wish the very best life for you and I'll keep you in my prayers. You are forgiven and absolved of any past hurts. Unfortunately, we don't work well together anymore and it is time to part ways. Please do not try to contact me unless your life is in danger, and if it ever is you know I'll come running. You will always have a place in my heart, but it is time to say goodbye."

 

The best way to end a relationship is to forgive and part ways. In forgiveness, you don't need answers and all of your issues are instantly resolved. Whenever I make a commitment to someone, I do keep it. I do have people who contact me when they're dying and I do help them, but that's it. I only want the very best for those in my life, even if I shouldn't be there.

 

Does that make any sense?

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Clarity. I couldn't have a question left hanging, that makes it harder.

 

In some cases, there is no choice but to leave without answers - when there is abuse, if there has been infidelity you may not get your answers, and other cases too.

 

But if you can talk it out and walk away knowing, and having given all the information and healing you possibily can, I think that is the way to do it.

 

on target. Great Post.

 

Once dishonesty and chaos have been interjected, it is tough to know what is clarity and what is obfuscation.

 

In such cases, I've learned to protect myself and go No Contact No Contact! It is not worth any further struggle. I am real and they are stealing my reality by clouding my path with lies, or the possibility thereof.

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The first time I went NC I didn't know the last time we were speaking was just that.

 

It was in an email...and he had already broken up with me, I was asking him for some answers I felt I needed to know. I wanted to know the things that would hurt me so I could experience them then and there, and not hold any resentment towards him over some uncertainties. I asked him 3 things.

 

Why did you let me blame myself for overanalysing things when I was analysing them perfectly right, you say you've been thinking about this a long time, so why did you reassure me last week, (the week before we broke up we had slept together following a mini argument, next morning he told me everything was alright and he hadn't meant to hurt me) and did you actually ever love me?

 

We were only together for about 4.5 months, I simply don't believe he could have fallen in and out of love so quickly, and if it was just infauation I wanted to know. He replied to one question, why did he let me blame myself. He let me blame myself and become progessively more and more depressed and begin to question my own sanity...because he wanted to wait and see what would happen with the stress in his life...which totalled him having to move house unexpectedly. I never got a response to the two other questions. He did ring me and text me at about 1am on Thursday, saying that he missed me. When I tried to talk to him during daylight hours....I was once again, ignored. I really really REALLY want to tear him a new one...but I'm not going to...I'm sticking to NC once more.

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He replied to one question, why did he let me blame myself. He let me blame myself and become progessively more and more depressed and begin to question my own sanity...because he wanted to wait and see what would happen with the stress in his life....

 

 

total jerk. not even worth the tearing.

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I've said similar things cantexplain! My friends asked me if I hated him and I said no. Not only would hating him be completely pointless and cause me a lot more hurt, it would make me a bad guy too. He isn't worth the energy it takes to hate someone.

 

Still though....grr.

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lol

 

I guess I can say what I said before this NC. He contacted me just about a week ago, at 1am, by text, saying that he missed me, asking if I missed him. I said I didn't know if I did, some days I was fine, others I didn't think about much else. After that he rang me, and we "chatted" for awhile. By chatted, I mean he asked me how I was, what I'd been up to, and I remained monosyllabic at all times (apart from when he asked about my baby nephew. Nothing can shut me up about him!). He asked if I hated him, I said a little bit, he seemed quite pleased that I didn't hate his guts. He also asked if I wanted to go to the pub with him the next day. I didn't.

 

I knew we'd have to have some kind of weird conversation, and if it was going to be then, I'd rather do it in the daytime. So I text him the next day asking if he'd meant the things he said. I didn't get a reply. So I (stupidly) text him again saying "Is that my reply? I do want to talk to you, you caught me off guard last night. Hope you had a good evening" I never got a reply to that either. So once again I started NC. I'm a lot angrier this time though

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